


You explained the Universe

by inspiron (skam2607)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Disorder, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-03-09 07:23:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 63,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13476543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skam2607/pseuds/inspiron
Summary: Yuuri turns eighteen in exactly ten days and then he'll get his soul-mark i.e. the name of his soulmate. He is both excited and anxious. He doesn't want anything complicated right now from his life. He just want to skate on the same ice as his idol- Viktor Nikiforov. He is hoping that the Universe will spare him any more complications and he won't have to deal with his ever high anxiety in this case. Off course, the Universe does the opposite of this and he wakes up to find one name written on his wrist that makes matters anything but uncomplicated. The name that Yuuri wished to have as his soulmate but never let himself hope to have- Viktor Nikiforov.





	1. Lover, Where do you live?

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter has been written for a while but was sitting in my computer. Maybe posting this will give me enough motivation to complete the story. I love soulmate aus and this is inspired from all the beautiful works I have read and the beautiful love story of Yuuri and Viktor. This is a slightly different take on the au. I hope to be able to do justice to it.  
> The work title comes from the song 'Saturn' by Sleeping at Last.  
> The chapter title comes from the song 'Lover, where do you live' by Highasakite.  
> Needless to say that I don't own any rights over the songs and I also don't own 'Yuri on Ice'.  
> I don't have a beta and I have tried to find and correct errors but if you find any spelling or grammatical errors please feel free to inform me.

  * Soulmate



Noun

Someone for whom you have a deep affinity

  * Hypernyms: lover



 

Date: Nov 19; 11:40 P.M.

 

Each night before going to bed, Yuuri spends a lot of time reading this particular piece of information over and over. Nothing changes off course, but he still does it. He has been doing it now for more than a year or so – basically since he turned seventeen. It’s a normal thing for all seventeen years old that as you go near the age of eighteen, all your thoughts are consumed by this. The day when you’ll turn eighteen and a name or actually _the name_ will appear on your wrist. Then there are whole other shenanigans of whether it’ll be on your left wrist or right wrist.

 

Kids, who will soon turn eighteen, are given the basic information in their schools regarding the whole system as if they don’t already know about it. This is all everyone in high school actually talks about it anyway and each person automatically knows when everyone else will get their mark and even if you don’t want to share it with other people, it still gets shared. _It’s like an unwritten rule._

 

This is exactly what Yuuri is afraid of. He turns eighteen in exactly ten day and he has never been more stressed in his entire life. There are several reasons for it. The first one obviously is that he’ll get his mark – _Soul mark_ which is the biggest deal for an average person. Your soulmate is someone with whom you are supposed to share your entire life. But not everyone is lucky in this matter. Off course, it’s your soulmate and they are supposed to be perfect for you, _in theory at least._ In reality, nothing is automatically perfect. Everyone has to work to make things perfect. Being soulmates just increases the probability of all the efforts going into the right direction. Yuuri is both excited and scared. Though how much excited and how much scared - this changes depending upon the time of the day.

 

Now Yuuri is not a perfect person himself. He is socially awkward, tends to be an introvert, and has anxiety which sometimes makes it hard for him to give his one hundred percent to things, to people, to relationships. He wants his soulmate to be someone who can understand him and his issues and take time for him to open up rather than forces him to do so.

 

 Second: Yuuri is worried about the gender of his mate because even though he is still a virgin and has never been in a relationship ever, he knows his attraction is not limited to the opposite gender only. For example – he had a massive crush on Yuuko for a long time but then there is also Viktor Nikiforov. Though, for everyone else Viktor is nothing but his idol but Yuuri himself knows just how many nights he has spent thinking about Viktor and not all of his feelings are platonic. _He has stopped lying to himself in this matter._ But, this is a problem for him because no one else knows about it.

 

Times have changed and world has moved forward and unlike a century before, people are not immediately thrown in jail or forced to go through medical therapies just because the name on their wrist is not of a person belonging to the opposite gender. Societies have now acknowledged that if the Universe has scribbled the name of someone on someone’s wrist, it must be because of something greater that is far beyond the human comprehension and every individual has the right to be with the person that the Universe has chosen for them and no one should be judged or prosecuted because of this.

 

Yuuri is also sure that no one in his family or friend circle will have any problem if the name on his wrist does end up belonging to the person of his own gender. Yet, he still doesn’t know how to approach about it. Should he tell them that this might be a possibility or should he wait? He wants to tell his family at least before his birthday but he still hasn’t been able to procure that required amount of courage.

 

Third: whether, he’ll be the younger or the older mate in the relationship. It’s not that the younger ones are oppressed or not given equal rights. But still the older mates have general advantages when it comes to legal or other things; they are considered responsible for the younger ones and in some rare cases this responsibility has been misunderstood for complete control over the other. He is worried about it. For example- he loves skating but he doesn’t know what his mate will have to say about his skating; if he’ll be able to continue to skate.

 

Yuuri is sure that if his mate ends up being younger than him and they also wanted that he quit skating then he will not pursue it against their wishes and will probably not try to make them change their mind either. Having responsibility of someone also means giving them freedom to express their opinions. He will do it himself; he just wants the same thing to happen to him if he is not the older one.

 

Fourth: if his soul mate will want to be with him or not after seeing him in person. There are several reasons as to why one mate rejects another. First being that they have already found someone else that they feel connected with and content to not break that relationship and look for another one. Minako- sensei’s soulmate was already in love with his childhood best friend and he was devastated when he found out that she is not his soulmate. Minako being the amazing person she is let him go. She has had relationships and stresses that she is not that destroyed as the gossipers like to believe and the amount of pity they like to throw towards her is just insulting. Yuuri believes her and he doesn’t know the other version of the truth himself if there is in fact another version out there. He does want to believe that you don’t need your soulmate to be happy and not all the people who are with their soulmates are happy all the time. And most of the time he is successful in believing it but then every romance movie or TV program makes him question the existence of true happiness if your soulmate is not with you to share it.

 

Second reason which is not common but still exists is that some mates are rejected because of their looks. It is not that common as his anxiety ridden mind has led him to believe but it is also not entirely unheard of. Now, Yuuri is not an extraordinarily handsome boy. He knows it well. He is an average looking person with average features and height & weight (well, he does tend to gain weight easily but hey, he also sheds off it as soon as he starts his exercise and practice regime).

 

So the final thing here to conclude is that there are ten more days till his eighteenth birthday and he is losing hair because of the tension. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. There is one part of him that is dreading the coming day; also there is one part that absolutely can’t wait for the day and wishes it was here already.

 

***

Date: Nov, 20; 8:20 A.M.

 

The next morning brings him running around the house in the effort of not being late for school. He cursed himself mentally for staying up late again thinking about that whole thing. Mari-neechan looks at him but bless her beautiful soul as she doesn’t pass any snarky comment and Yuuri is thankful for it. His mother is fussing over him because he is yet again sprinting through breakfast and not actually eating it and enjoying it. Yuuri apologized sincerely and ran outside the Yu- topia gates. His typical day includes school, practice at the Ice castle and then helping out a bit at the hot spring. His family usually doesn’t bother him but as winters start to gain momentum, customer numbers also start to increase especially in the evenings.

 

***

Date: Nov, 20; 12:50 P.M.

 

After handling a group of four giggling girls who were trying very hard to find out his thoughts on his upcoming birthday and what it entails for him, he was exhausted. Now, he doesn’t always get exhausted after every social interaction but those girls _were_ kind of exhausting. They have never taken any interest in his existence before today and now today they were asking intrusive questions which he was not comfortable in answering so he tried to be polite and not let his anxiety take over. Not surprisingly, it took a toll on him. He spent more than fifteen minutes in the washrooms hiding in a stall during recess in order to calm down. Then the whole thing started with his thoughts creping on him. The part of him which is excited to find out the name of his soulmate was lost somewhere and all that remained were the thought which told him how he is going to be the source of disappointment for his future partner. And suddenly his palms started sweating and he couldn’t focus on anything else. His breathing became rapid and shallow and he felt nauseous. He knew what it was. He tried to remember what his coach and the school nurse had told him to do in situations like these which was so hard when he couldn’t even hold on to any other thought which was not trying to ruin his remaining composure.

 

 _Try to ground yourself. Yes, but how do you do it? Okay, list five things that you can see_. Stall door, toilet paper, shoes, his watch _… damn it. Why this is so hard?_ Toilet seat that he is sitting on is the last thing _. Okay, good work. Now, four things you can touch._ Phone, toilet paper dispenser, the wall, lock on the stall door _. List three things that you can hear._ Leaking tap water, faint murmur of students outside and his loud breathing count make three things.  _Now, two things you smell._ He can’t smell anything other the general smell of public toilets. He does smell a hint of his deodorant so that makes it second. _Name one thing that you can taste._ He licked his lips and swallowed but other than spit and a faint hint of something bitter, he couldn’t taste anything but right now this’ll have to work.

 

 _Take deep breaths._ Yuuri held his breath for a few seconds then slowly began to exhale through his mouth. One, two, three, four, five, six… _inhale-_ one, two, three, four… _hold-_ one, two… _exhale-_ one, two, three, four, five, six.

 

After careful repetitions of the exercise, he felt somewhat calmed down. He spent few extra minutes in there for extra measure. Though, the worst was over but now he felt drained and had little energy to do anything else but he still had to attend another half of his school day and he didn’t want to go home yet. Due to his competitions, he already had to miss school and if he went home then everyone will know exactly what it was that caused his attack this time. He was trying to be as nonchalant and carefree about this whole business as possible but his family knew him too much to not see through his façade. He couldn’t just go home. He has to finish this day.

 

He came out of the stall and looked around just to be sure that he was alone and after looking around when he didn’t find any other student, he sighed in relief. He washed his face with water. The water was slightly colder against his heated skin. Now that he looked carefully in the mirror, he could see his face. See all the tell-tale signs of his freak out in the stall. His face was red, hair messy and sticking to his forehead. The redness could be blamed to the chilling weather if it wasn’t for the sweaty hair. He combed his fingers through his hair to make them a little better and wiped extra water from his face. Nothing drastic happened. He still looked as wrecked as he felt but he had already taken enough time hiding there.

 

Well, it’s not like many people were looking for him. Despite being sort of a local champion and star in ice skating and being one of the three skaters in the whole town, he still was not very good at making friends. The only interactions he had with his peers were regarding homework and the work he missed when he went for the competitions. So unless someone was specifically looking at his face, he will be able to get through his day without anyone noticing his distressed state. He hoped that those girls have also lost interest in him after he refused to entertain their queries.

 

He couldn’t wait for this day to over.

 

***

Date: Nov, 20; 4:35 P.M.

 

He skipped practice today because he was physically drained and also Yuuko and Takeshi will be there. They both were his only friends and while they most of the time they understood his desires to be left alone. But, they are humans too and sometimes they can be overbearing if they find out that Yuuri had a bad day. They’ll try to know and ask him questions about what happened or what they could do to help. He hates and loves this trait of their depending upon the day and toady seemed like the day when he’s going to hate it so he stayed home. He texted Yuuko to inform her in case she got worried and called him or his parents which is specifically he was trying to avoid. _His parents knowing that he didn’t have a good day today_.

 

He sneaked inside the house and tip toed to his room to avoid being noticed either by his parents or sister. As soon as he got inside his room, he flopped down on his bed and hid himself under the blankets. It was a bad time to sleep and it’d ruin his schedule but he didn’t care. He needed to sleep. That was the only way to get through this day. The day was still bright outside when he went to bed and he had drawn the curtains on the window beside his bed. His eyes wandered around to the posters on the walls. Viktor Nikiforov, his idol was smiling as usual. His eyes are beautiful and bright and seem to pierce through his soul. Usually looking at Viktor’s posters gives him enough motivation and inspiration to go through his competitions but they are not of any help when it comes to days like these. But still Viktor always calmed his mind. Today is also not different.

 

There is one framed photo of Viktor on his desk which is very special to him. It was gifted to him by his parents on his fifteenth birthday. It has Viktor’s sign and a good-luck message for Yuuri written in a careful handwriting. It must have been a special edition of merchandise because he couldn’t find another copy of this photo anywhere. Viktor is smiling, his silvery soft hair falling over one eye in a fringe that Yuuri is tempted to draw as a curtain away from Viktor’s face. His smile is fond and kind and his eye so soft. The smile and pose in the picture are different than other official merchandise. Instead of his confident and ethereal self, Viktor almost looks a bit nervous posing for the picture. Yuuri finds it even more endearing. It felt strangely special to Yuuri as if it was just for him. He likes to pretend sometimes that it is in fact just for him; that somehow Viktor has found about him and his devotion to him. He feels himself getting giddy at the thought quite often that somehow he was lucky enough to get this chance where Viktor has written a message especially for him and send a picture just for him.

 

Off course he knows it is not true and probably someone in a PR office with a salary barely above the minimum wage must have written them. He got it on his 15th birthday as a gift from his parents. He did try to find out more copies of the photo but unfortunately couldn’t find anywhere. This particular photo has never failed to make him relax. One look at the calm and serene expressions on Viktor’s face and immediately Yuuri also calms down a bit if not all.

 

 

As he looked at the photo, he started to wonder. Do people like Viktor also worry about stuff like soulmates? Do they also spend time thinking and getting worried as soon as their birthday comes near?

 

It had to be because they are celebrities and more under public scrutiny than anyone else and by god if it isn’t a big deal. Whenever things like these happen- whenever the name of the soulmate of a celebrity is revealed, people and the media go wild. With speculations related to the name of their soulmates and finding about every little detail about them. Then all these get plastered all over the gossip blogs and TV channels. The privacy of both of the parties involved is forgotten for the moment and all everyone wants to talk about is – if they are compatible enough or not or how lucky the mates are that their name is written on the wrist of a famous person as if they’ve won a lottery by being the soulmate of a famous person but the irony is that somehow for the near future, they become kind of unlucky. Their whole life becomes the point of discussion for everyone else. They are analyzed and scrutinized with critical eyes and more than often these judgements are not in their favor. They are both loved by the fans of that famous person and also hated by them. As if they don’t have any other reason to feel happy in their life except for being the soulmate of a celebrity.

 

Celebrities themselves are also not safe in this whole ordeal. If they’ve taken a partner other than their soulmate, then it’s like all hell loses upon them. People don’t take this issue in a light manner. They are criticized for defying the system placed by the Universe and they are often hated more for this than any average person.

 

So it doesn’t matter what they chose to do. In the end they are always in the wrong. Yuuri thinks it must be a hell for them too. He worries for Viktor.

 

The name of Viktor’s soulmate is still unknown. Viktor always wears gloves so the chances of it being revealed accidently are very low; though, fans and reporters have tried asking him but Viktor always say that he is trying to protect his soulmate and under no circumstances will he ever reveal the name and still people ask. Yuuri thinks that they shouldn’t force it anyway. He admires Viktor for it. He still feels a pang on jealousy in some deep buried part of his heart upon hearing it but he ignores it. He doesn’t have any right to get jealous for it and it is also unfair to his own soulmate.

 

Vicchan found him after a while. No matter how hard he tries to hide, he always finds him. He immediately stood up on his hind legs and put his front paws on the bed. If he was any bigger, he’d easily climb up the bed. Yuuri pulled him up to him and the dog started nuzzling his face asking to be loved and adored. He was an extremely affectionate dog and the only living thing whose attention didn’t tire Yuuri out. After receiving the needed patting, Vicchan sat on the bed and Yuuri let his fingers wander around in the soft fur of his friend. Soon after the quiet but reassuring presence of Vicchan lulled Yuuri to sleep and he got a bit of respite from a very long day.

 

***

Date: Nov, 22; 5:17 P.M.

Two days later he was practicing at the rink when Yuuko found him. He was still struggling to keep his thoughts away and skating was the only way to do it. He was performing Viktor’s latest routine which was one of his favorites from the said skater. The routine told the story of longing and waiting to go home and finally be united with one’s lover. The intensity with which Viktor performed this was beyond comparison. Yuuri just can dream of ever achieving that perfection. But he still tried to copy him as much as he could. He had already gone through it more than ten times but he still had enough energy to go through it a few more times. His eyes were closed and right now he was just enjoying the feeling of it all when Yuuko’s insistent clapping broke his concentration and he skated over to the edge where Yuuko was standing and waiting for him. She smiled at him when he got closer to her.

 

‘How you’ve been, Yuuri?’ She asked but her expressions were soft and not demanding, letting Yuuri relax a bit. ‘When you didn’t show up for practice the other day, I thought something was wrong. It’s not like you to skip practice without any reason?’

 

Yes, it’s not like him at all. Yuuri doesn’t skip practice unless he absolutely has to. He knows hard work and practice is what gives him edge in the competitions. He is no genius in the skating world. He works harder than his peers and he’s got great stamina which makes it slightly easier for him to carry out long practice sessions. But, it’s also not easier for him to tell Yuuko exactly why he didn’t come to the rink that day. His coach at school and his family are the only people that know about his anxiety and he plans to keep it like that. He knows that Yuuko can keep his secret; he is not worried about it but he also doesn’t want to be seen as a weakling. He doesn’t want pity. Not from someone he considers a friend.

 

‘Just was tired, nothing big. Actually, I couldn’t sleep till late the previous night so was feeling a bit down.’ He said it in a casual manner hoping she doesn’t pry further. Yuuko is not someone to do that really so true to her nature she just nodded her head in understanding and offered him the water bottle. He said a quiet thank you and uncapped the bottle to drink. The cool liquid gave him a relief and he realized how hard he must have been pushing himself that he could feel heat radiate from his body which he couldn’t feel earlier.

 

He glanced towards Yuuko who was fidgeting with her fingers while clearly avoiding looking at him. Classic sign of someone who has got something to say or ask but are either too nervous or too scared to say. There was no reason for Yuuko to be scared of him anyway. It must be nervousness. Yuuri is also not good at handling them too, plus if it is something that’s making Yuuko nervous to ask than it’s also something that Yuuri will never be not nervous to answer. His mind was screaming at him to let it go and move on with practice. But, Yuuko is a friend and Yuuri considers himself to be a good friend. The least he could do for her is to ask her. If it is something that is too hard or too uncomfortable for him, he could always say no. Yuuko will understand.

 

‘Are you okay? Is there something that you want to talk to me about?’ She looked at him as she was not expecting him to say it or initiate any further conversation. Yuuri could see why she must think like this. He is not exactly known for his conversation making skills. He and Yuuko used to be a lot closer when they were younger. When he had just started, Yuuko was the one who stood up for him. She’d fight with the bullies for him; tell them off when they made fun of his weight or his jumps. That’s exactly how she met Nishigori first time, who became their friend and later turned out to be Yuuko’s soulmate. Their story is the classic tale of childhood friends who fought in the start and then fell in love with each other and later turned out to be soul mates made for one another. Yuuko and Nishigori got married six months ago and now are living their happily ever after.

 

‘Yes, I am fine but there is something that I want to talk about.’ She said while looking at him expectantly. Yuuri nodded his head to tell her to keep going. She was visibly nervous and Yuuri now started to second guess himself. ‘Are you okay, Yuuri?’

 

The question was so unexpected that it took Yuuri more than a few moments to register it and when he did he had no idea how to respond to it. He decided to keep quiet and give Yuuko chance to further elaborate it. He had no idea what expressions were on his face at the time; he hoped they weren’t of panic.

 

‘It’s just your birthday is coming up and this one is kind of a _big deal,’_ she said slightly altering her voice to emphasize on it. ‘… So I was just wondering if you are okay. If you need someone to talk to, I am always here, you know. You can always come to me. It’s good to have a support system.’

 

Yuuri replayed her words in his mind and the only thing he could find there was concern. For some reason it also didn’t feel that intrusive to him as the questions asked by those girls inn his school even though the nature and subject matter of the questions were similar. _This must be what they describe the true magic of friendship,_ he thought. He could see the hesitation on Yuuko’s face and the more moments that passed in silence where Yuuri contemplated the whole thing in his mind made the hesitation on Yuuko’s face grew even more. Yuuri knew that either he could leave the question hanging and not answer it or he could be honest here. Yuuko will understand if he chooses to stay silent and she will listen to him if he tells her exactly how much he is scared of the whole thing. Yuuko who is now married to her soulmate is also a great source to tell her just how exactly to navigate the whole situation after. All he has to do is _open up_. If only it was that easy for him to do so. He mustered whatever courage he could and decided to just go for it.

 

‘How is it like…being with your soulmate?’ He asked the first thing his mind supplied to him. Yuuko looked startled for a second but then she quickly recovered. A beautiful smile appeared on her face and her eyes somehow seemed brighter than before. She looked like she was lost in her head for a moment and all she thought was happy memories.

 

‘For me, it’s like being with my best friend. Someone, who can be a bit different than me but we just click somehow and everything just seems easier to handle. I think I was just lucky enough that I was friends with Takeshi before all this. We knew about each other and from there everything just became easier. Falling for him was never difficult and he confessed that he was always in love with me so,’ She looked at Yuuri for a second and then she took Yuuri’s hand in her own hand. ‘But, don’t think that we don’t have to work to make everything good. Every relationship requires dedication and hard work even if it is with your soulmate. Relationships are never easier and every relationship is different. There is no one universal rule that fit them all.’

 

‘But aren’t soulmates supposed to be perfect for each other?’ Yuuri asked. Yuuko just smiled. ‘Yes, they are perfect for each other but you still need time to adjust to each other and being soulmates just increases the chances of that.’

 

Yuuri nodded his head unable to say anything more but Yuuko is perceptive. ‘Are you worried that you won’t fit with your soulmate?’

 

‘Shouldn’t I be?’ He asked not understanding the implication behind her words. As she said earlier that it is kind of a big deal so he must be allowed to get worried. It’s not his fault that his mind works in overdrive when it comes to things that are supposed to make you worried and turns everything into a big disaster.

 

‘No, that’s not what I meant. Off course, you are allowed to be worried but don’t forget to enjoy this also. Just think of it this way. Suppose that you have a big competition and you are working hard and training for that. You are pushing yourself for it and a part of you is scared for the competition but a bigger part is excited to finally compete and do your best on the ice and it’s not that the only thing that you are enjoying is the competition; you are also enjoying the journey no matter how hard your muscles cramp after a painful practice session. You know?’

 

Yuuri could see her point. The thrill of competing was beyond anything else but the time leading to it was also something extraordinary.

 

‘So just look at this with that perspective too. For now just enjoy it as something to look forward to. When you do get your mark, only then worry about the future and trust me the actual thing will be as enjoyable if not more than the journey leading up to it.’ She looked at him with expressions just spoke truth and sincerity and Yuuri knew how genuine his words were. He could see the words having an effect on him. It’s not that there wasn’t a part of him that was not excited. There was but it just got lost in the crowd of all those thoughts which form a majority portion of his mind.

 

‘Okay. I’ll try. Thanks, Yuuko.’ The advice was something he needed at the moment. It may not work a hundred percent in quelling all his anxiety but it was something.

 

A voice coming from the front desk had them stop the conversation at that point. Yuuko excused herself and went to see who it was. Yuuri sat there for a few minutes thinking and replaying Yuuko’s advice in his mind. Later, when he went back to practice again his mind was oddly calm and not running around clinging to every little worry. He had a peaceful practice that he had not had in a while. Yuuko came back after a while to check on him but didn’t say anything to him. She had a small smile on her face the whole time and then she left him to practice a bit more.

 

He came home that day more relaxed than ever before, not even the burning of muscles made him uncomfortable. He spent some time playing around with Vicchan. The dog was in heaven or as it seemed anyway and Yuuri realized just how much he had ignored him too. When the pup seemed to tire out and satisfied after the attention and playing around, Yuuri left him resting in his room and went to soak in the hot spring. Later, he went to his mother who was making dinner for the family. He helped out her a bit. She did all the talking, telling him about his relatives and a guest who was staying at the inn and who always wore white clothes and demanded white towels and robes. Apparently, he was a writer and the protagonist of his story liked to wear white all the time. The author was slowly becoming his protagonist to write the story. Yuuri chuckled with his mother at how odd it sounded. Mari-neechan joined them after a while bringing even more anecdotes of that particular guest.

 

Yuuri couldn’t remember the last time in that year when he had this much conversation with his mother and sister. His life was now becoming limited to a cycle of school, practice and sleep. There were a lot of things that he had neglected, he realized. Now, in a few days when everything is supposed to change in a permanent way, he just hoped that he’ll get to have these conversations even more. He hoped that not everything will change and he won’t have to leave his family to be with his soulmate.

 

***

Date: Nov, 26; 1:25 A.M. 

 

Time is a relative thing. Yuuri has read the scientific explanation in the school and managed to understand it enough to pass his exams. Also, he has seen this sentence floating around on Facebook where people rave about it’s not so scientific explanation. Yuuri gets it actually, now. _Time is a relative thing_. Days after he turned seventeen and the more particularly in the last ten or so days – are moving at a different rate. Well, to him anyway. He is sure that the day still has 24 hours in it and that the earth is still revolving around the sun at the same speed but somehow after all this evidences of normalcy his brain is putting forth, he can’t quiet the voice in his mind that is saying that his days are moving slower. It seems to him that a lot of time has passed; there is no way it’s been only a week. But the calendars are not showing what he wants to see. Sadly, they are showing that there are three more days left till his birthday. He is already started to get anxious again.

 

Yuuko’s words did have their desired effects and for a while he was calm. He tried to enjoy the waiting as Yuuko has suggested but he just couldn’t. But hey, he also didn’t feel like peeling his own skin off so that was a win too. But now he is slipping down again _. If only good advice was enough for those suffering from anxiety._ He had two good days after the _talk_ where he felt a bit better but now the good effects are waning and he is going back where he was.

 

His family is oddly silent about the whole thing. Well, it’s not like the Katsuki family overly indulges in family bonding or sharing. They are just like a traditional sort of family and not the most interactive family in the first place but still the total absence of any discussion on the matter is still weird. He remembers when Mari-neechan got her mark. His mother and sister spent a lot of time together leading to her birthday. Even their father was sometimes trying to talk or give advice to her. It does not mean that he is overly looking to have that discussion with them and it is also possible that they have asked Yuuko to have that talk with him in the first place. And it is also possible that Mari-neechan may have approached her parents herself instead of waiting for them to come around and try to talk to her. He knows it’s very much possible. Mari-neechan is more in control of her emotions than Yuuri and she has proved it many times before. He could try to talk to her and get her perspective on the things. She and Haru-san make a good couple and they look happy; well as happy you could be in a slightly long distance relationship. There are times when Mari-neechan looks a bit lost in her thoughts and sometimes she looks a bit down too. Haru-san visits as much as he can but given his busy schedule in the Veterinary School in [Fukuoka](https://www.google.co.in/search?q=distance+between+kyushu+and+Fukuoka&spell=1&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiO1Ijhiq_WAhXBM48KHROfAkcQvwUIIigA&biw=1366&bih=662) it is still puts some strain in their relationship. Yet, even after all these little imperfections, Yuuri still finds their relationship one of the best.

 

That doesn’t actually prove anything, to be honest. He finds all the relationships perfect; his parents and Yuuko and Nishigori. They all seem perfect for each other and Yuuri thinks this is what he wants from his future relationship too: the simplicity and tranquility. He wants things to be not too flashy and over the top. He wonders what his soulmate’s thoughts will be on this particular topic. This is another thing that gets added to his list of worries when it comes to the whole thing of soulmates; the difference between personalities is not a deal breaker and people make it work all the time and the movies even portray it as the best type of relationship too. All that ‘opposites attract’ type of talks seem fascinating but he also knows sometimes how exhausting it is for him to be around extroverts.

 

His head started to feel heavy but sleep was still eluding him so he decided to go to the common room and watch TV. If he was lucky, he could catch some repeat telecast of old skating competitions. The Grand Prix was less than a month away so it was possible that they were showing older tournaments and also doing special features on previous champions. They were a great source of inspiration for him, although, he didn’t pay any special attention to anyone else other than Viktor. He was working hard this season also as usual. He was done with his assignments so the Grand Prix Final in Canada was his next competition and Yuuri was waiting for it. Viktor won his second gold at Grand Prix last year and Yuuri was sure that he’ll win his third gold this year. Yuuri felt like a giddy fanboy while thinking this.

 

The common room was empty as usual given it was late at night so he decided to lower the volume at the minimum. After trying for a few minutes at all the available sports channels, he couldn’t find a single program on figure skating. There was one repeat telecast scheduled later at night. Yuuri decided to go back to his room figuring that there was nothing else that was interesting to him. He could watch some old DVDs in his room on his computer or try to go to sleep. It was Sunday next day so school was off but still, it was necessary for him to maintain his schedule. These past few days have been challenging for him and he knew that the incoming days will also be no lesser challenging and he needed to maintain some semblance of control over it. A full night’s sleep sounded like a good thing for that.

 

‘Yuuri, what are you doing up?’ Mari called him from behind as he was walking towards his room. She must have been outside. Her phone was in her hand.

 

‘Couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d watch TV for a while. You are awake too.’ Yuuri said as he took some steps towards Mari who was now sitting where Yuuri was sitting just a few moments back. Mari patted the space beside her and Yuuri accepted the invitation and sat beside her.

 

‘I was talking to Haru,’ Mari said after a few moments. She had a small smile on her face indicating that it must have been a good conversation. Yuuri liked when his sister was happy and didn’t hide it. ‘Why is that you couldn’t sleep?’

 

Yuuri didn’t have any answer to this or rather have the answer but didn’t have the courage to say it. So he just shrugged. Mari-neechan was a good people reader so she just raised her eyebrows calling out him on his lie. Yuuri knew that the talk was coming anyway but he still was glad that his family gave him time. But he had to say something now.

 

‘I am just worried about my birthday, you know.’ He hoped that this would be enough for her sister to catch on. As it turned out, it was enough. Mari nodded her head in understanding. They sat in comfortable silence for the next few minutes.

 

‘You know that you don’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with you know…when you get the name. Everything is supposed to happen according to your choice.’

 

‘But I won’t be the only one in that relationship. I’ll also have to think about them; their wishes and choices.’

 

Mari looked like she was about to say something at that but then she stopped. After a few moments she spoke, gently as to make him understand the full meaning. ‘Yuuri, no matter what happens, everything will happen at your pace. I’ll make sure of that.’ Her words had a certain determination and assurance that Yuuri latched on and he found himself smiling at the words.

 

He didn’t have any other response to that either so he stayed silent. Mari sat with him for some time. They talked about a lot of other things including that guest who only liked white, his practice and his preparation for the Nationals. She also asked him about Viktor which was odd because as much as everyone knew about his fascination with the Russian skater, no one really asked him about it. They all just accepted it. Mari also didn’t ask anything specific- just general questions about his tournaments. Yuuri assumed it was to divert his attention from everything else which seemed to be working. It always worked. He could talk about Viktor and his skating all day long if there was any willing ear. Usually, Yuuko was the one to listen him rant about Viktor. Minako-sensei also listened, not always though.

 

Mari didn’t say anything to suggest that she was getting bored of all the _Viktor-talk_. She just sat there and listened with a small smile on her lips. Yuuri was grateful. He was grateful for his family and friends for them to be exactly what he wanted and needed them to be; for them not taking Yuuri as a weakling because of his anxiety. He was surrounded by loving people. He has a tendency to forget it sometimes. He decided that he just will have to be a little adamant about remembering it from time to time.

 

They said goodnight after an hour or so. Yuuri had an off day but Mari will still have to take care to the Onsen and help their parents but he was still thankful to her for the quiet support she gave him without even asking.

 

When he reached back to his room, Vicchan woke up but again snuggled into the blankets. Yuuri said goodnight to Viktor and closed his eyes. Sleep caught him after only a few moments.

 

***

Date: Nov, 28; 12:15 P.M.

 

This morning he woke up a bit late. The place was already working at its usual pace. His mother gave him his breakfast after he returned from his morning jog and shower. Yuuri sat with his father and watched a soccer match on TV which turned out to be highlights but his father was still very enthusiastic. Yuuri joined him in cheers from time to time. It was a chilly morning but bright too. He decided to head to Minako-sensei’s ballet studio to get some exercise and then to the rink. Despite last night’s worries, he felt good today. He still didn’t know how the rest of the day will turn out but he was optimistic.

 

Minako-sensei was attending her class when he reached there. She gestured him to wait for a bit and Yuuri nodded in confirmation. Twenty something kids were trying their best to get the poses right and giggling when they couldn’t. None of them seemed to be getting too much upset about it which was something that Yuuri can never say about himself. But it still felt good to watch those kids trying their best and being happy with it. It was the magic of Minako-sensei. She could be strict when she wanted but she also knows just how to make everyone have fun while practicing. The kids looked absolutely amazing in their complimentary outfits making two halves of a whole thing- soulmates. The theme was one of the popular one in dances and Yuuri has learned it too. He admittedly didn’t have a great fit with any of his partners but he attributes it to his lack of confidence in making friends and being comfortable and vulnerable around strangers or acquaintances. The kids left fifteen minutes after he got there. Each saying goodbye to Minako and some also said to Yuuri too. Two little girls came to him asking for his autograph which is not the first time but it still makes him flustered and embarrassed. He gave them autographs in their carefully decorated notebooks which had pictures of famous skaters and dancers. Minako and Viktor’s pictures were also there as expected. He thought that in this case he is exactly like those girls; waiting for a chance to take an autograph from Viktor.

 

He started warm up while Minako took a rest for a few minutes. They continued talking about their usual topics of ice skating and the upcoming tournaments. She didn’t bring up the whole ‘eighteenth birthday thing’ which Yuuri was glad for. The people closest to him are some of the most understanding people. He knew that already but these past few days have been nothing but a solid proof of that. He was more stressed than he thought he was because his movements were stiff and not graceful. Minako-sensei called him out twice when he couldn’t execute a relatively simpler pose perfectly but she also didn’t try to chew him out like usually she’d do.

 

After an hour or so, he was somehow going into a rhythm and was dancing perfectly. Minako seemed satisfied with him. They had lunch after some more time when she told him a story from her dancing days. He wondered if she misses it; the tours, competitions, the thrill of performing in front of a crowd and the applause and praise afterwards. She is also a social butterfly who enjoys parties and people, completely opposite of him. She must miss the vibrancy and the energy of a big city in a small, quiet and sleepy town like this. But he didn’t voice his thoughts. He listened to her story and gave his reaction and feedback where it was necessary. He still had to go for his practice session at the Ice Castle. Yuuko and Nishigori usually have Sundays off which means that this was the only friendly conversation he was going to have today. He relished in it.

 

***

Date: Nov 28; 8:45 P.M.

 

Yuuri doesn’t commend or support stealing at all in anyway. Okay, he may have a soft spot for Robin Hood because he may be a thief but he did it for a selfless cause but what he is planning to do tonight does not fit in that category. Well, he is also not sure if it fits into the category of stealing either. He is just trying to sneak out one or two sleeping pills that his father takes sometimes to help him sleep better. Why he is doing this, you may ask. See, tomorrow is his eighteenth birthday or more like in 3 hours and 15 minutes to be exact.

 

The day was quiet and eventless comparatively. His classmates only cornered him in once in the morning and once in the afternoon about it and left him alone for the rest of the day. Neither Yuuko nor Nishigori made a big deal about it when he went to practice. His family has been also silent for the most part except for a few extra pats on his back from his father; his mother made him Katsudon and Mari-neechan was throwing concerned glances at him far more than usual. There was also some sort of wordless conversation going on between his mother and sister which has been making him nervous. They both also disappeared in Mari’s room earlier in the evening. Yuuri just hopes that they are not taking any extra stress on their already hectic lives for him. He is okay or he’d be and that’s why he needs those pills.

 

He knows that he can’t sleep tonight, not without any external help and he doesn’t want to spend his entire night tossing and turning waiting for his mark to appear. He was born at 5:10 in the morning so that’s when his mark will appear. He is pretty sure that he can’t just go to sleep knowing this. He’ll be awake till that and then there is no chance absolutely at all for him to go to sleep. So, his genius plan is to take a sleeping pill so that he can take a healthy amount of sleep and then wake up and deal with the whole thing in the morning because there will be a lot’s of thing to deal with.

 

His father was still in the common room while his mother was in the kitchen with the cooks to prepare food for the people who like to take their dinner slightly late so the coast was clear for him to go into their room and swipe out a couple of pills. Yeah, well the coast was clear for him to go inside the room and take the pills- he didn’t think about the exit scenario; just as he was coming out of the room, Mari caught him and by the expressions on her face it was clear that she knew that he was up to no good. It didn’t help that Yuuri immediately put his closed fist in the pocket of his sweatpants, immediately bringing attention to it. _Idiot._

‘What are you hiding?’ His sister didn’t even pretend to beat around the bush. There was no point in hiding it anymore. It’s not like Mari has any moral upper hand here considering she was the one who told him about the pills in the first place and the idea to take their help sometimes in need. He brought out his hand out of the pocket and opened his fist to show the contents of it. Two innocent looking pills were staring right at them. Mari didn’t really need to know as to why Yuuri was stealing them or thinking about taking them in the first place. She sighed, not saying anything. Yuuri didn’t know what the sigh was for and he didn’t ask to clear the doubt. It could be for any number of things. None of them were going to make him feel any good about himself so he just avoided the whole thing altogether.

 

‘You are planning to take them both?’ Mari asked and Yuuri nodded his head in confirmation. Mari made a disapproving face which had him shake his head immediately, a little too fast if one is being honest. ‘Just take one, okay. You don’t need both of them. It’ll make you fall asleep and then you can stay asleep on your own, you know.’

 

Yuuri didn’t know, at least not today. He had no idea how his brain is going to react today. His other body parts are already betraying him. He couldn’t eat and his stomach is in knots and wants to throw out everything that he has eaten in his entire life; his skin is hot to touch but he doesn’t has a fever; and his thoughts are racing too fast for him to hold on to one of them and concentrate so no, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stay asleep tonight.

 

Mari took one pill out of his open palm and Yuuri made a small whining noise in protest. _Something is seriously wrong with him._ Apparently, Mari thought that too because she looked at him rather harshly. Yuuri lowered his head in silent apology. ‘Don’t worry. Only one of this will have the desired effects. Take it with water and just lie down with your eyes closed. Okay?’

 

Yuuri made a small approving sound and started to make his way to his room when his sister’s voice stopped him, laced with concern and affection to the brim. ‘It’ll be okay, Yuuri and who knows may be, the day will bring something that you’ve always wanted most in your heart.’

 

Yuuri took a moment to consider her words. He hoped she was right about it, though, he didn’t exactly know how to put into words what it is that he wants from tomorrow. He went back to his room lost in these thought. He played with Vicchan for some time still lost in these thought. It’s kind of funny because when he tries to remember what he was thinking just a few minutes ago. He can’t be sure or remember but he is also sure that his mind has not been blank at all also.

 

He took the pill without really thinking about it and lied down on his bed staring at the ceiling and the walls. Viktor stared back at him looking absolutely beautiful, the permanent grin on his face giving a bit of peace to Yuuri’s constantly running mind and making it slightly easier for him to relax. Vicchan snored softly beside him and for a moment there Yuuri was envious of his dog’s gentle, loving and simple mind which was untroubled with human worries. He sighed at the almost absurd but very tempting desire at this particular moment- to not have to deal with all things human. He buried his finger in the soft fur of the animal and closed his eyes. He hoped to sleep till late because there was no way he was going to school tomorrow. He didn’t want to deal with the whole thing of his classmates seeing his mark and then passing their judgement or opinions or worries at him. He also didn’t want to deal with the whole official things that he’ll have to take care eventually, if not tomorrow. It was a tough business finding your soulmate, he realized, even though the Universe gives you a name still there are so many other things to take care of. He just hoped that it’s all worth it in the end. With one last look at Viktor he closed his eyes saying goodnight to him and wished everything as smooth as possible. He can’t deal with a life changing scenario right now. It doesn’t even matter right now that the poets and songwriters describe it as a life changing scenario. He just needed to sleep.

 

He is not a poet or a song writer. He is just Yuuri, a-dime-a-dozen figure skater from Hasetsu who just wants to one day skate on the same ice as his idol- Viktor Nikiforov.

 

***

Date: Nov 29; 6:07 A.M.

 

He could feel it swirling around on his wrist even before he gained any consciousness. Even in his sleep ridden mind, he could feel that something was happening or has happened. It’s not an uncommon feeling at all; many people say that they can feel the mark as if it’s an entity in itself rather than just an illustration on a person’s wrist. The sensation though expected, is still weird and uncomfortable. Yuuri had an urgent need to scratch on his wrist when he gained a bit of consciousness which alerted his mind in an instant. The way he opened his eyes and shot out of the bed surely belongs in an anime but Yuuri has no time to ponder on that.

 

Two things happened then, almost simultaneously. First: he realized what the sensation on his wrist means and that it’s on his left wrist which meant one thing- he is the younger one in his future relationship. Second: it was the panic in the aftermath of the first thought and the immediate need to see the name written on his wrist.

 

He stood in the middle of the room. It was not entirely bright out which meant it must have not been late in the morning. Just to make sure he checked the watch. It read 6:07 A.M. He could hear some commotion outside. There were some guests who liked to wake up early and some customers who came early in the morning which meant that his parents were also awake.

 

He should go to them. That was the right decision at the moment but he also didn’t want to go to them. He wanted to have his initial reaction to the mark in lonesome. He wanted to get out whatever emotions he may feel upon seeing it. Vicchan was watching him with concerned eyes as Yuuri stood motionless in the middle of his room. Viktor was smiling in his posters just like any other day. Though there was nothing unusual that may suggest that something big was happening but Yuuri still stood there feeling like the entire world was reversed or somehow changed.

_He could feel the mark._

 

Then it happened, first thing or first reaction rather. But, surprisingly his mind didn’t send a collection of panicked thoughts his way. No. it sent a resolve. He had to look at the name because he can’t _afford_ to not look at it. It was the first thought. The second thought was not so pleasant. The mark was on the left wrist which meant that he was the younger one in the relationship. This just opened up the gates to all those fears he had. All those stories that he had heard or watched on TV and in movie came to him with a fast speed. Suddenly he was remembering the story of a woman who was the soulmate of a gang leader and was forced to choose between him and her duty as a police officer. Though some logical and still functioning part of his mind tried to tell him that it was a fictional story but that didn’t mean that dramatic things like these didn’t happen at all, another part of his mind dutifully supplied. But none of that matters if he doesn’t actually look at the name on the wrist. He was behaving like a coward. _How could he even think that he’ll be able to handle this situation fully if he can’t even look at the name_?

 

He took three long breaths to calm down. Vicchan whined softly perhaps sensing his freak out. He took one look at the framed photo sitting on his desk where Viktor was smiling and Yuuri took it as silent form of encouragement from Viktor himself, his idol. He decided to look at the name.

 

**_Viktor Nikiforov._ **


	2. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri tries to deal with the aftermath of getting his soul-mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, safe to say that I am horrible with updates and also the length of the chapters. I tried to keep it a bit smaller but Yuuri rambles a lot and I can't deny him the words so here we are again at around 10k words. Tell me if you guys would like smaller chapters and any other suggestions that you might have. Like any other unpaid writer I love comments.
> 
> There are going to be typos and grammatical errors as usual.  
> I don't own Yuri on Ice.

 

“In your light I learn how to love.

In your beauty, how to make poems.

You dance inside my chest

where no one sees you,

but sometimes I do,

and that sight becomes this art.”

**-Rumi**

 

 

Date: Nov, 29; 7:20 A.M.

 

You know the feeling where we sometime can’t decide if we are dreaming or awake- the time when the line between dream and reality blurs too much and it takes quite a while for brain to realize that it is in fact a dream and not reality and when we do realize that then it is like a breath of pure relief because sometimes we _do_ tend to see some unrealistic and weird scenarios in our dreams that scare the living daylights out of us and that’s why sometimes it is so good to know that the scary/weird thing was just a product of our subconscious when we were asleep.

 

Right now Yuuri wanted to wake up because the scenario he was living was scary; though it was desired sometimes and also very exciting to imagine in the past but scary nonetheless. His left wrist has Viktor’s name written on it – no, not just Viktor – _the_ Viktor, Viktor Nikiforov, written in a beautiful cursive script, blue and silver swirling around, dancing around each other _. They have always been Viktor’s colors._

 

He wanted to wake up from this dream. But he also knew that he was awake and this didn’t bring him any aforementioned relief. Because the name was still there, the colors were still there.

 

He looked at the framed photo on his desk. Viktor smiled at him as usual and Yuuri realized just how much it hurt right now because it felt like the Universe was mocking him. But no matter how many times he closed his eyes and then opened again in an attempt to wake up from this dream, the name was still there. He tentatively reached with his right hand and placed the pad of his index finger on the letters. He didn’t know what earth-shattering thing he was expecting to happen then but nothing felt out of the world, it still was skin - warm and smooth. He could feel his pulse which was so fast, _wow_. He felt something nudging at his knee and he looked down to see Vicchan looking at him with his kind eyes and Yuuri felt like crying. He picked him up and put him in his lap. The whole process of finding a soulmate was already hard enough without the added extra complication of having the name of a world famous skater and a celebrity in the mix. He was sitting down on the floor, the dog curled immediately into him offering his wordless support. Yuuri has been sitting down on the floor with Vicchan in his lap and combing the soft fur of the dog with his fingers when a soft knock the door startled him and brought him out of his thoughts. The knock was not at all loud enough to startle enough but Yuuri still did.

 

He was not ready to handle the situation that he found himself into. He again decided to try his luck and looked at his wrist. The name was still there. Blue and silver, beautiful but still out of reach; still felt like he didn’t have any right over them despite having them written literally on his wrist. _He didn’t understand why the name itself felt like it was mocking him._

Another knock pulled his attention towards the door again. He sighed and gently removed Vicchan from his lap and stood up to open the door and quite literally also open the door to a whole lot of other things that he was so not ready to handle.

 

Mari was standing on the other side of the door with a hesitant smile on her face which was meant to be comforting but did nothing to ease the noise in Yuuri’s head. ‘Good Morning, Yuuri.’ Mari said as she handed him over the cup of tea she was carrying with herself. Yuuri took a tentative sip of the hot liquid which was did nothing much to soothe his inner turmoil. He grimaced internally at the thought that he was this transparent to her that even before entering his room Mari knew that he may need it. He sat down on his bed and after a few silent moments Mari sat beside him too but didn’t say anything. She was looking at his desk and the multiple Viktor-posters in his room. Yuuri thought about how she’d react if he told her about the name on his wrist.

 

Mari was fiercely protective of him and she always tried to provide him with everything he ever needed and sometimes she didn’t even need words to know it.

 

‘How are you doing, Yuuri?’ She asked after a few more moments. Yuuri was surprised at first because the question was so generic to be asked at this not at all that _common_ situation. _Just how many people have to face this situation in the Universe of having their idols as their soulmates_ , Yuuri thought. He couldn’t say anything at this moment though so he just shrugged his shoulders hoping that Mari would know what he meant. He didn’t know what words to even chose to describe exactly how he was feeling. Technically, he should be jumping up and down with happiness because _again just how many people have their idols as their soulmates._ But here he was feeling nothing that was akin to happiness. Mainly he just felt like it was all unreal that either somehow he woke up in an alternate reality or it is just a very vivid dream and he just has to figure out a way to wake up. He did take a sleeping pill yesterday so maybe he was experiencing some sort of side effects.

 

‘Yuuri?’ He registered his sister’s voice first and then a warm hand on his shoulder. _Shit_. He was not dreaming. ‘Are you feeling okay?’ Mari was asking and Yuuri wanted to laugh but he just shook his head to convey his feelings.

 

‘I don’t know what to do?’ He said hesitantly and he wouldn’t even have been sure about if he said it out loud or not had Mari not looked at him so tenderly at the moment.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘It’s…,’ He didn’t know how to continue but he had to. He hoped that may be after saying what he was going through will help in understanding the situation better. That may be after saying it out loud it won’t feel this _unreal_. ‘It’s Viktor. The name of my… on my wrist, it’s Viktor.’

 

He revealed the name on his wrist by pulling his sweater aside. The name was still there and _was it this beautiful from the start or was it because of the morning sunlight pouring into his room through the curtains_. Mari made a small noise and when he looked at his sister’s face she was looking at the mark.

 

‘Yuuri, it’s beautiful.’ She said in a heavy voice and when Yuuri looked her at again he saw that her eyes were wet. ‘And it’s Viktor. _Your_ Viktor.’

 

Yuuri was not sure about the “your” part. Just yesterday he would have just flustered at the mere suggestion but right now it just felt a bit prickly. Viktor was not _his_ by any definition. He was his idol sure; an ethereal creature too far away and someone that Yuuri could only hope to admire but never touch.

 

‘I am not sure about it.’ He said in a small voice and the level of self-pity made him flinch. Apparently, Mari heard it too because she made a disapproving sound loud enough to startle Vicchan who was quietly slumbering near their feet.

 

‘His name is written on your wrist, Yuuri. The universe has made it _quite_ clear, don’t you think?’

 

Yes, he could see the name but then how many people in the world may have this name. Yuuri thought that it is very likely that the Universe is cruel enough to give him Viktor’s name as his mate but there is no way it is benevolent enough that _his_ Viktor is the same person whose posters cover the walls of Yuuri’s small bedroom, whose programs he grew up watching, who captured Yuuri’s attention and heart from the very first moment he saw him on that fuzzy TV screen in the Ice Castle with Yuuko. There is no way that it is possible. It has to be nothing but a very cruel way of fate screwing him over. _There is no way._

 

Mari heard his unspoken worries and self-hate and said to him in very soft voice as to not scare him away. ‘Yuuri, how can you even think like this? It’s Viktor. You have loved him from the day one. Look around you. There is not even enough space left on the walls to hang another poster of his. How can you justify this without having any connection with him at all? Just how many other skaters are in the world that may be better than Viktor and yet it’s Viktor that has had your attention and heart from the start. Think about it.’

 

Yuuri has justified his devotion to Viktor to himself quite a few times and once to a very snarky competitor who laughed at him when Yuuri told her that he could copy every single program of Viktor be it short or free skate. When Yuuri first saw Viktor he was only twelve and Viktor was sixteen. Viktor was almost flying in the air and his long hair flowing behind him secured in a ponytail. When Yuuri saw Viktor for the first time on that fateful day, he felt a slight pain in his chest. He never much thought of it. After some time he attributed it to his crush on Viktor and then to the genius of Viktor in the sport and how it inspired Yuuri to do his best. If what Mari was saying was true that meant that even before their connection was brought to life by the Universe itself in the form of soul-marks, it has existed. That meant that _his_ Viktor and the Viktor- his idol were the same person.

 

Yuuri sighed loudly in resignation. All these wild thoughts were making him tired already. He has not even left his room once and he already felt like he just had a very punishing practice session at the rink that did nothing to improve his technique or confidence but it just drained him out. He flopped down on the bed on his back with his feet still touching the cold floor. He opened and closed his eyes and repeated the action for a couple of times and then again checked his wrist. Viktor’s name still greeted him with its entire splendor. Yes, the light may have a hand in here because every time Yuuri looked it looked even more gorgeous than before.

 

Mari was watching him curiously but then his mother’s voice came through the doors asking Mari to come to the kitchen. She stood to go taking Yuuri’s mostly untouched cup of tea. Vicchan followed her to the door and she opened it slightly to let the pup out who went excitedly towards the kitchen.

 

‘Yuuri, if you want some more time then you can take it but come out in a while, okay? Don’t hole up in your room. We have lot to talk and lot to do.’

 

Yuuri nodded his head in affirmation and Mari must’ve seen it because she left the room quietly shutting the door after her. Yuuri stayed in that awkward position for a few more moments and then hid under the blankets while actively trying to avoid looking at any of the posters on the walls. He didn’t even look at the picture on the desk and for that he even felt some guilt but he chose not to ponder over that. He was tired enough to fall asleep and this time even without the aid of sleeping pills. _Strange._

 

***

Date: Nov, 29; 11:40 A.M.

Yuuri took another bite of his breakfast which was getting colder because he was having a hard time eating at his normal pace. His mother sat left of him with her chopping board, knife and the vegetables. His father sat directly opposite of him with his newspaper. Mari was at his right and unlike his parents who were trying so hard to look busy- she just sat there looking at him with a frown. She didn’t even pretend to do something else. Nobody was saying anything to him. They were obviously waiting for him to talk.

 

Minako entered the room in all her usual demeanor. She greeted everyone else and ruffled Yuuri’s hair and then sat between Mari and Yuuri. Yuuri kept his eyes on the plate in front of him. If Minako-sensei was here which meant that Mari must have told everyone about how freaked he was over the name. This looked like a staged intervention that Yuuri have seen in many Hollywood movies and TV shows that he has seen in his attempt to get more grasp on the correct pronunciations of the English words. Nonetheless, he was getting uncomfortable under the scrutiny he was getting from all of them in both veiled and open forms.

 

For some moments nobody said anything making the silence even more oppressive.

 

‘Okay then. Has anybody told him yet?’ He heard Minako’s voice followed by rustling of the newspaper that his father was “reading” and Mari’s “nope”. _Tell him what_ , Yuuri thought to ask and but quickly discarded the idea and kept his head down when he once again felt their eyes on him.

 

‘Well, we have to tell him. Who is going to do it?’ Again nobody said anything in reply to Minako’s question.

 

‘You should tell him.’ Yuuri’s father suggested still keeping his eyes on the paper. Yuuri felt weird because his family was discussing something about him while he was still in the room. He had an idea about what they were taking about. It had to be something about the whole soulmate-business. Everyone has to go to the agency to register once they get the name and then the agency provides the related information necessary for both the involved parties to meet each other and figure out their future together. The system which was put in place at the start of the twentieth century to make it easier for people from different countries and continents to find their soulmates is now one of the most sophisticated and technologically advanced. The agency provides the necessary support for people to start their life together if they find themselves in adverse conditions. Yuuri wonders what people in medieval and ancient times did because apparently the Universe doesn’t care if two people live on the opposite corners of the world before putting the names on their wrists.

 

‘What do you want to tell me?’ Yuuri asked still keeping his eyes downwards and after considerable effort to clear his throat because this was the first thing that he had spoken after waking up.

 

‘About… uh… Viktor, your soulmate.’ Mari said in a very hesitant voice. Yuuri hated that his family had to tiptoe around him. He remembered when Mari got her mark. The atmosphere that day was very much different from today. That day the predominant emotion was excitement but today everybody was as nervous as Yuuri feels on the day of any major competition. They were scared of saying something that may upset him more. He hated feeling that week. His coach has once described him as ‘one with a glass heart’ and now he understood why but he still hated it.

 

‘What about him?’ He asked gathering every bit of nonchalance he was able to at the moment. He must have succeeded in it somewhat because everyone was silent and looking at him even more intensely. _Or he must have been just the opposite of nonchalance and they really saw how freaked out he was,_ his mind supplied helpfully.

 

‘Don’t you want to meet him?’ Mari asked. _Yes,_ Yuuri wanted to scream. Yes, he wants to meet Viktor. Viktor is his idol and have inspired him to do his best. It may have been Minako to steer him towards ice skating in the first place but it was Viktor who made him want to keep going, to compete professionally, and to pursuit being the “ace of Japan” in figure skating. So yes, he wants to meet Viktor- his idol… he is not sure about meeting Viktor- the soulmate. He is still not sure it’s even happening. A part of him is still holding to the whole _‘side-effects of the sleeping pill’_ theory. Otherwise it is hard for him to really accept that Viktor Nikiforov is his soulmate. He only knows one Viktor Nikiforov. He wonders just how many people are in the world with the exact same name.

 

‘Yuuri? Are you listening?’ Minako-sensei’s voice brings him back to the room again where _again_ everyone is looking at him with very concerned look and he hates it.

 

‘I guess.’ It’s not much of an answer but right now his whole existence seems that way so he doesn’t really care in the end.

 

‘You guess? Boy, you’ve been pining after that Russian for years and now that you’ve got the Universe on your side, you guess?’ Minako scolded him. ‘What are you even thinking? Why aren’t you sure?’ She continued.

 

Yuuri doesn’t know what to answer her. How can he be the soulmate of Viktor, the skating-god while Yuuri is just a dime-a-dozen figure skater; Viktor, the most beautiful person he has ever seen while Yuuri is just plain? How can he even hope to justify this? Surely, the Universe has made a mistake, he concludes. Universe makes mistakes sometimes when trying to bring two people together. Minako is the example of this but Yuuri feels that he’d be cruel to her if voices this and he can’t be this cruel to Minako who is nothing but kind to him. He also knows that she won’t take this cruelty/pity from him lightly.

 

‘I don’t know what to do here. He is Viktor and I am me. How can I even hope to be his equal? There must be a mistake here. Besides, why are we even sure that it’s the same Viktor. There may be other people named Viktor Nikiforov.’ He said- no blurted out in one breath, voice laced with strong conviction. Yes, this is the only explanation, his mind said. Just because he knows only on person of this name doesn’t mean that there is in fact only one person in the world. He felt relaxing after this almost immediately. It’s like he felt lighter somehow. He looked at his family members surrounding him and they didn’t look relaxed, _at all._ He frowned in response. Why were they looking at him like this anyway? He is right.

 

‘Yuuri, you are right that there must be other people named this but only one of them contacted us four years ago when he got his name- your name on his right wrist. And unless he was wearing some high-tech mask or something, he is the same Viktor whose posters are covering the entirety of your bedroom walls.’ His mother said, finally putting down the knife and carrots she was pretending to chop.

 

Yuuri just sat there for a second, not moving, not blinking and he wasn’t even sure whether he was breathing or not but he must’ve been. He didn’t know how long a person can survive without breathing. He had read somewhere or was it a documentary on a sci-fi channel- that some people can hold their breath up to 20 or more minutes. _But, they must practice._ Yuuri had never practiced it. His mind was only concentrating on some particular words that just came out of his mother’s mouth such as “your name”, “contacted”, and “same Viktor”. He was sure that his heart will burst out of his chest because of all the new information or was it because he was not breathing, he was not sure. But he sat there, trying to make sure whether if head heard right or not.

 

‘What?’ He asked in such a small voice that almost everyone winced.

 

‘I told you not to start with this. He can’t handle this direct approach.’ Mari said and then she crawled the distance between them and sat beside him, placing her hand on his shoulder in a tentative way. ‘Yuuri, look at me,’ She asked and Yuuri complied. ‘He contacted us four years ago around mid-January. He told us about himself and that he’s your soulmate. Since you weren’t even sixteen at the time then we all decided that it was best that you don’t know about this.’ Mari said then looked at Minako and their parents. Everyone was looking really nervous but Yuuri felt as if he was having an out of body experience. He could hear the words and could register Mari’s touch but couldn’t really _feel_ any of this.

 

‘Remember the time when your father and I went to Tokyo for two days and we told you that we were going there for a loan application at the bank,’ His mother spoke. Yuuri remembered this. They both went to Tokyo leaving Minako in charge of the siblings and the Onsen. It was around the World Championship which was in Tokyo that year. Yuuri had put up quite a fuss to go with them but in the end he had settled for a signed poster of Viktor. It was a mistake to leave Minako alone because she got dragged into a drinking contest with one of the patrons; Mari went to party with her girlfriends which went a little too wild ended with them running away from police and Yuuri fell asleep watching the big-TV in the common room and woke up next day with a sore body. Minako was _never_ left in charge again.  

 

‘Well, we did have that but we also met Viktor. He invited us to his hotel and he and his coach were there. We all talked a lot about what to do next. He told about us how he found you at the agency. He also said that he wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible but his coach reminded him that he was in the midst of a competitive season and also that you were just fourteen, not even sixteen so the contact between two was just not possible for at least another two years. He understood all that, Yuuri. We all decided that it was best if you didn’t find out about this till then.’

 

Yuuri sat there listening to his mother talk but he felt that the words were bouncing inside his head and creating an echo. Every word was repeating itself over and over and yet he still felt like he was somehow hearing it all wrong and nothing was making sense to him anymore. Viktor knew about him and he wanted to meet him.

 

The self-doubts started then and they won’t leave him for some time in the future. They went something like this- Viktor didn’t know what Yuuri looked like then. They don’t show photos of soulmates younger than sixteen at the agency. Well, you are not sixteen anymore, a voice inside his mind reminded him. _Does that mean that Viktor knows how he looks and does he still want to be with Yuuri?_ Yuuri doesn’t know why he is even thinking like this. Viktor is not a shallow person but then again he doesn’t actually know Viktor. He _knows_ Viktor Nikiforov but not Viktor.

 

‘Yuuri, are you listening?’ Minako asked. Yuuri thinks that he nodded in reply but he is not so sure and won’t be sure even later in the evening when he’d be lying in his bed contemplating what to do next, how to navigate around this kind of comical situation that he has found himself into.

 

He just knows one thing for now that he is not ready to meet Viktor so when Minako asked him if he wants to meet Viktor or wait for some more time for once that day he was sure to say that he doesn’t want to. He may have added a “not yet” in the end or not- he doesn’t remember that.

 

***

 

Date: Nov 30, 11:34 A.M.

He was not much enthusiastic about coming to school but he was tired of lying in bed and actively not looking at the posters or the name on his wrist. It was a difficult task because there is not much space left on the walls to achieve this. Viktor is _everywhere_.  So he woke up, ate his breakfast amid the concerning glances thrown his way by his family members and left for the school, waited to get into the class almost at the last second to avoid talking to his classmates and now he was plotting his way to hide for the entirety of recess period to avoid them.

 

They were all looking his way- some with curiosity, some with amusement and some with indifference but looking at him nonetheless. It’d be hard to get away but he thinks he could pull it off if he leaves with his teacher under the pretense of asking about yesterday’s class that he missed. It was a comical situation with Yuuri getting up as soon as the bell rang and following his teacher out of the class and at the same time a group of four of his classmates – two girls and two boys walked towards him. He is kind of sure he knows their name but he is fully sure that he doesn’t wasn’t to interact with any of them. In the end he managed to evade them.

 

His teacher asked him how he is doing which confused Yuuri in the start but after a few moments it dawned on him as to why his teacher is asking that. Apparently _everyone_ knows about this which is just _great_ for a person like Yuuri who has anxiety and isn’t generally that great in social situation. He made some gestures with his hands that could be interpreted into anything and shrugged his shoulder and then bowed his head when he realized he was being rude to his teacher who was just concerned for him- for the most part anyway.  Yuuri excused himself to go and hide in the storage closet behind the gymnasium. It’s a secluded place and not many students go there.

 

He wonders if he can do this after every class for the rest of his school year.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 2; 4:45 P.M.

Yuuko is looking at him without blinking and it is very scary. Beside her Nishigori is standing erringly still and confused looking between Yuuri and his wife. It’s not that Yuuri is ignoring them because that is just rude and he _tries_ not to be a rude person but he _is kind of_ ignoring them. He doesn’t want to have to avoid one more person today. He spent his day fending off very intrusive classmates and very concerned family members and Minako. Now he just wants to skate in peace but obviously Yuuko didn’t get the memo.

 

‘How are you doing, Yuuri?’ She finally asked- her voice was almost sarcastic in delivery yet anger and concern were bleeding out of the seams. She is right to be angry, Yuuri guesses for she left him several messages and he didn’t reply. The truth is he didn’t know what to reply. The questions were generic but Yuuri still found himself unable to form a reply so he just let it be but that was a bad idea he realizes it now seeing Yuuko glaring at him with big round eyes.

 

‘I am fine.’ He replied hoping that things don’t go sour from here. ‘I’ve just been not feeling well and that’s why I didn’t come to practice and I apologize for not informing about it.’ He said and bowed to convey his sincerity.

 

Yuuko looked at him for the next following moments but then she relaxed and her expressions changed into kind. Nishigori relaxed too.

 

‘Apology accepted this time but make sure it doesn’t happen again. We are your friends Yuuri. You should be able to share things with us, you know.’ Yuuri knew that but that doesn’t mean that it’d be easy for him to do that but this situation that he was into won’t happen again too so maybe he can avoid Yuuko’s anger next time.

 

Yuuko and Nishigori left him alone after a while and Yuuri skated alone. He realized he missed ice so much even after just two days of not skating. This has always been one thing that has always made him relax and calmed his thoughts. In the continuous struggle where his mind was oscillating between chaos and silence these past two days he missed the altogether different type of calm that he got from skating.

 

It was after a while that he felt eyes on him and it continued for a while. He looked around the rink but apart from a few regulars who were practicing and looked like minding their own business, he didn’t find anything or anyone unusual. The feeling remained for some while after but he tried to forget it and make up for missed days.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 3; 12:15 P.M. 

His teacher was talking about functions and Yuuri was not listening, _at all._ He was thinking about everything and still he realized that he was getting nowhere. Minako has asked him to take his time and think about what to do about his future- _future with Viktor_. _How do you do that_ , Yuuri didn’t know. Viktor was someone to look up to, to barely allow yourself to desire for and only to admire through screens and glossy magazine pages. How could he start to imagine a future where they are more than an idol and a fan? They are supposed to be partners, equals and Yuuri doesn’t know how to start thinking in that direction.

 

He realizes that class had ended and the teacher has left the class a bit too late because his plan was to leave the classroom and go hide somewhere. Now he finds himself surrounded by his classmates and they are all looking at him.

 

‘Hey Yuuri, how are you doing?’ One of the girls asked him. Her name is Himari. She is the head-girl and also the most popular girl at the school. Her soulmate is from Tokyo and Yuuri knows this because she doesn’t miss a single chance to mention it at least two or three times in one day.

 

‘I am fine. Thank you for asking.’ He replied in polite and dismissive tone and started fiddling with his books to avoid looking at them and also to look busy.

 

‘You didn’t come to school on your birthday and after that we haven’t gotten a chance to talk.’ She said with an air of arrogance which was apparent to everyone there. ‘You must’ve gotten the name of your soulmate so we thought that we’ll go ask about it to you. It’s big and exciting news and we thought that you’d want to share with everyone in the class. I apologize for not coming to talk to you sooner because I had to go to Tokyo yesterday to meet my soulmate and I was busy for that. But I am here now and look so are our friends. So maybe you should share your big news with everyone. Don’t you think?’

 

She said in a way like it wasn’t her who has been hunting him since yesterday and he hasn’t been hiding in odd places to avoid her. Her face looked so genuine and sincere that for a moment there Yuuri doubted whether he had made all that up in his mind but he had spent too much time hiding in dusty places to know that he hasn’t made that up.

 

‘Yuuri?’ She said again a bit exasperated and behind her two girls snickered. The two boys looked bored but still were standing there. Yuuri saw no way out of there without being rude and he didn’t want to be rude for both because of human decency and practical reasons. He needed their help for class-work and tests during competitive season. But he also didn’t want to tell them about Viktor or anything else. His mind ran fast to look for excuses that would sound genuine and not like excuses. He is not a good liar, Yuuri knows that but he was going to try it anyway but nothing came to mind and he sat there looking just confused.

 

‘Is there a problem, Yuuri? You don’t want to tell us about your soulmate. It’s such a rude thing to do, don’t you think. We are your friends and sharing with friends is a good thing to do.’ Himari said again not backing down and now she seemed scary to Yuuri.

 

‘It’s not that. I just don’t want to talk about it.’ He said already knowing that she won’t accept it.

 

‘Why? Is something wrong? Are they very young or someone very old? Are they famous or something?’ She laughed at that and other joined her somehow finding it funny even though Yuuri wasn’t laughing. He tried to maintain an unbothered face but he was not sure if he was succeeding in that. It was always hard for him to hide his emotions and not let them appear on his face for everyone to read.

 

‘Wait, are they really famous?’ Himari recovered from self-induced laughter and asked with big surprised eyes and crowded Yuuri even more in his seat by almost shoving her upper-body in his personal space. Yuuri had to lean back to avoid her breasts touching his face.

 

‘No, they are not famous,’ he said automatically and a bit rushed. The words came to his mind without him trying to do anything about it and once his mind saw a way out, it just ran with it. ‘They are very young and not even sixteen-years old so… I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to tell their name.’ He sat there hoping that they’ll back down now and mentally congratulated himself for delivering the excuse sounding almost sincere.

 

‘Well, it’s not like we’re going to post their name on Facebook or anything else so you can tell us. Right, guys?’ She said gesturing with her hands towards other the classmates standing on both of her sides. They all nodded their heads but looked a bit conflicted. it didn’t matter to her though because the very next moment she was again looking at Yuuri with a big toothy grin plastered on her face.

 

‘I don’t really think it’s a good idea. They officer at the agency said that I shouldn’t tell the name of my soulmate to anyone without their permission and I haven’t gotten their permission yet.’ He said a bit assertively to deliver the finality of his decision. No one spoke for a few seconds and then Himari clapped her hands with the previous excitement as if it didn’t bother her at all.

 

‘Okay, Yuuri. I like that you are so caring for your soulmate even though you haven’t even talked to them. Isn’t it beautiful guys?’ She asked again to no one in particular and didn’t really wait for an answer either. ‘See you, Yuuri.’ She turned around and her group followed her except for one boy who stood there looking at Yuuri for a few more seconds. Yuuri bowed and smiled politely. The boy stood there for a few more seconds but then left.

 

Yuuri sighed in relief and his shoulders shagged as a great weight had been lifted off of them but before he could fully savor this feeling, the bell rang signaling the start of next class.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 04; 04:10 P.M.

‘No, it’s wrong. You are pointing your toes wrong.’ Minako said from across the room and her voice boomed in the empty studio. Yuuri wondered if there is really a wrong way to point your toes outwards but Minako is a world-class ballet dancer who has won many prestigious awards so she must be right. He tried to get out of his thoughts and tried to correct his mistake.

 

‘What’s on your mind, Yuuri? You only make these silly mistakes when there is something on your mind. What are you thinking about?’ Minako asked in a gentle voice. Yuuri just shook his head and continued to dance. ‘Have you been thinking about Viktor again?’

 

_Again_? Yuuri has never once stopped thinking about Viktor. He always thought that his obsession with Viktor before was bad but it was nowhere compared to now. Viktor was everywhere- in his room, in his mind and in his heart and now Viktor’s name was on his wrist too. He couldn’t _not_ think about Viktor. That’s the way it was now. He had stopped pretending that Viktor was just his idol who inspired him to skate and work hard- Viktor was also someone who taught him what it is like to desire someone and Yuuri desired Viktor more than he knew how to handle and what to do about it even if there was a name on his wrist giving him the right to desire Viktor.

 

‘Yuuri, you can’t just stay silent forever. Sooner or later you have to accept that he is someone important to you for reasons other than you previously thought and he is a real person, Yuuri and he has been waiting for a long time and he’ll still wait but if you are not going to be with him then tell him. Don’t let him have hope and then crush that hope.’ Minako said forlornly.

 

Yuuri’s heart hurt for her. She has always put up a front and she is cheery and energetic and says that she didn’t care and was happy that her soulmate was happy but the increasingly longer and more frequent drinking sessions were really concerning and gave something to think about; to look for cracks in her personality.

 

‘I know that,’ he said and stopped dancing and went to stand beside her across the room. ‘I am still trying to wrap my head around it, I guess and it’s really hard. Whenever I try to think about it my heart just starts to beat like crazy and I can’t stop it. He has always been someone to look up to and now I have to change his role in my life. I don’t know how to do that.’

 

Minako regarded him for a few seconds. ‘Yuuri, off course it’s going to be hard. He is your idol and you’ve been crushing hard on him since you were a pudgy little boy.’ Yuuri knew his face was red because of the embarrassment and he was also blushing. It’s not like he actively tried to hide his crush but he likes to think that it was not that transparent either.

 

‘Yuuri, your celebrity crush is your soulmate. Do you know how ridiculously awesome it is. Just how many people get to be this lucky. Think about it for a second.’

 

Oh, Yuuri has thought about it and he knows how people will think that it’s lucky and many people would want to be in his shoes but his mind can’t seem to let go of all the negative thoughts and move towards all these positives. He has problem taking this leap and making the transition.

 

‘Plus, he is a really nice guy in person and polite too. He has always a smile on his face.’ Minako said. Yuuri’s mind went haywire at this.

 

‘Wait, how do you know that?’ He asked Minako in a raised voice filled with surprise and a bit excitement too. Minako looked at him for _too long_ without saying anything. There was a perfect smirk on her face and her eyes lighting with mirth and mischief hinting that she was enjoying it now.

 

‘Oh, have I?’ She said knowing that Yuuri needed a straight answer right now but also that it’ll be too easy to wind him up even more.

 

‘Minako-sensei?’ He all but screamed making Minako lose her perfectly maintained smirk and burst out laughing. Yuuri stood there with beet-red face but she looked like she had no intention to end his misery. ‘Minako-sensei, please tell me.’

 

‘Yes, Yuuri, I have talked to him. In fact, I talked to him two day ago. We all talked to him. I, your parents and Mari and even Vicchan was there.’ She said looking smug. ‘Your boy was ecstatic that you also had a poodle. Off course, we didn’t tell him that you only have a poodle because he has a poodle.’

 

‘Thank you, I guess.’ Yuuri said. She seemed to have taken a note of his misery because she stopped laughing and then looked at him with serious expressions. ‘He wanted to know if he could give you your birthday gift this time face to face which means the two of you meeting finally. We didn’t know what to tell him at that so we said that you weren’t ready yet. He looked sad but understood. You’ve got a good one there, Yuuri.’

 

‘Wait a minute, what so you mean “this time”? Has he given me birthday presents before?’ Yuuri’s mind was running into every corner of his memory to find out what gift could have been given to him by Viktor and also why wasn’t he told about it before. Also he is pretty sure that if he was told then he’d have died but _damn it,_ he still has a right to know.

 

‘Yuuri, how do you think that you magically get the newest signed posters of Viktor? He sends it.’ She said as it should’ve been clear to him and shouldn’t have made his mind get flabbergasted like it did. ‘When your parents first went to meet him in Tokyo four years ago, they couldn’t believe it that he is the same person that their son have been obsessed with but then they found out that Viktor is a very nice and handsome young man –your father’s words, they told him that you are a fan of his. He was very excited to hear it. Your mother asked him if he could sign one of the posters and he did and since then he has been sending them to us and we give them to you.’

 

‘Why didn’t you tell me that before?’ Yuuri asked after the initial shock. Minako looked at him amused.

 

‘Because we didn’t want to give you a heart attack as you seem to having one now.’ She replied with sarcastic tone. Yuuri looked at her indignantly. ‘Come on, Yuuri, how could we have been able to explain that to you without telling you the truth about your connection with Viktor. So it was decided that we’ll wait until you get your mark and then tell you everything and your reaction to everything since your birthday has proved that it was a right decision.’

 

She was right, Yuuri thought to himself. He hasn’t been exactly the prime example of healthy-coping these past few days and retrospectively he supposes that it was a right decision. _Now what_ , a voice inside his head asked him. If all this is true then it means that Viktor is still interested in talking and meeting with him. This fills his mind with dread and excitement both just like everything else does. _His mind is so predictable_ , Yuuri muses, and it does nothing out of the ordinary. He always knows what’s going to make him panic and lose his calm and yet he still panics and loses his calm like he had no idea what was coming in the first place.

 

‘You should decide sooner, you know. He has been waiting for you.’ Minako said to him with encouraging smile on her face and kind expressions. Yuuri has been on the receiving end of her generosity and kindness many times before but it still catches him unprepared because this side of hers comes out lesser than the other side- the blunt and snarky teacher who is not afraid of saying the truth just to spare your feelings. She is all about tough-love and Yuuri respects her for this.

 

‘I know.’ He agreed and prepared himself to make this tough decision which is just going to change his _entire_ life so no pressure, right. Plus, everyone keeps telling him how Viktor has been waiting for him which is good to hear but very hard to accept. His insecurities keep whispering to him in the dead of the night while an ethereal Viktor smiles upon him from his posters that this is the closest that he can get and is allowed to get to Viktor. _He accepts them more often than he should probably._

 

‘Okay then. Now, quit milling around and get to work. Your soulmate is no reason to stop practicing and let yourself get sloppy.’ She said in a scolding tone but the gentleness in her voice betrayed her.

 

‘Yes, Sensei.’ He said and lost himself in his dance and this time he pointed his toes right.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 05; 14:35 P.M.

He is again late for lunch. Mari has called two times and with her two-calls are the just the limit of patience. He has been skating since morning and he got so lost that he forgot to check the time. All other people have already left. Yuuri was sitting on the bench taking a rest in the changing room before going to take a shower and then head to home when Yuuko found him.

 

‘You are still here? It’s past lunch time already. Mari is going to be upset, Yuuri.’ She said the last part in a teasing sing-song voice making Yuuri smile.

 

‘Yeah, I know. I’ve two missed calls already.’ He said and tugged on his gym-bag to pull it towards him and put on his lap. He opened the zipper to get out his change of clothes. Yuuko stood there smiling but she didn’t say anything. This is the perfect time, Yuuri thought. He should tell Yuuko about Viktor. She hasn’t brought up the whole soulmate thing even once but he could feel that she is curious. She keeps glancing towards his wrists which are covered by gloves.

 

‘Uh, Yuuko?’ He said while placing the bag on the bench again. ‘Can I tell you something?’ He asked in a lower voice, a part of him already abandoning him and making him nervous about the whole thing. The bigger part that stayed reasoned that this is Yuuko- the girl he had a crush on for so long and he secretly wished that she’d be his soulmate. Off course, this was all before Viktor and coincidently, this is the same place where he first saw Viktor and the same place he first learned Viktor’s name. Yuuko was the one who said it. “Russia’s Viktor Nikiforov” and Yuuri’s life has never been the same since. She deserves to know.

 

‘What is it?’ She asked with concern and made her way towards him. She sat on the bench beside him.

 

‘It’s about my soulmate,’ Yuuri said while blushing and he had no idea why he was blushing. Yuuko nodded her head but one could see the excitement on her face and that she was trying hard to reign in but was not successful. He eyes got bigger just the way they always get when she is excited or happy.

 

‘It’s Viktor.’ He said and turned his head to look at her- to gauge her reaction but he was surprised to see that she was not surprised at all. She was just happy and her eyes were a little wet. She knew, Yuuri realized.

 

‘You knew that, didn’t you?’ He asked and she said yes. ‘But how?’

 

‘Mari told me. I called to check on you when you didn’t come for practice and she told me that you were freaking out because Viktor is your soulmate.’ Yuuri sat there looking bug eyed as she continued to tell him about her own freak-out after hearing that and how she asked again and again just to make sure if it was The Viktor- Viktor Nikiforov that Mari was talking about. ‘After my initial shock I just realized that the Universe just confirmed what I’ve always known deep-down but never understood it until then.’

 

Yuuri looked at her and now she was crying but she had a big smile on her face. ‘As I used to say that you are Viktor’s biggest fan and now I know why and it all made sense really,’ Yuuri looked at her and she continued. ‘- this love you have for Viktor even when you don’t really know him it can only mean one thing and the name on your wrist just confirmed that. You two are soulmates, Yuuri.’ She said with a conviction in her voice and Yuuri realized that he was smiling too.

 

‘Do you want to see it?’ He asked and her eyes lit up like a thousand fireworks have lit up in the sky at the same time. Yuuri chuckled and then he took a deep breath and with shaky fingers he tugged on the left hand glove to remove it. He turned his hand over and showed it to Yuuko and there it was- still beautiful and the colors even more prominent in the day-light, the name of his soulmate - _Viktor Nikiforov._

 

Yuuko gasped as she looked at it. ‘It’s beautiful, Yuuri.’ She said and continued to admire it. ‘The colors are so vivid.’

 

‘Hmmm, sometimes they seem to get even more vibrant but I think that’s just me.’ He mused as he placed the tip of his index finger over the name and traced the scripture with it. He could feel his pulse with his finger.

 

‘No, you are right. Sometimes I feel it too with my mark. I think it has something to do with what emotions you are feeling at that particular moment and how hard your heart is beating.’ Yuuko said making Yuuri look at her in surprise. He has never noticed it but it may be right. Yuuko has had he mark longer than him. ‘So, when you are going to talk to him? Have you decided that yet?’

 

She asked the question that he was afraid of anyone asking. She must’ve seen his expressions because she quickly apologized. ‘I am sorry for intruding. It’s none of my business.’ She looked really sorry and Yuuri knew that he had to tell her to stop feeling guilty. He was not upset because she asked; he was upset because he still hasn’t been able to decide. He knows that he wants to talk to Viktor. He wants to be close to Viktor. He just doesn’t know how he can approach it. Viktor is in Russia and Yuuri is in Japan. They are not even on the same continent. There are all sorts of logistics involved in the whole thing and he gets confused upon trying to decide it. He can’t just sit in front of a computer or dial a number on his phone to talk to Viktor- to talk to Viktor for the first time. Not just Viktor, the figure skating genius and his idol but also Viktor, the soulmate. He has got no idea on how to do it. It’s not like there is a guide-book of some sort for reference.

 

‘I am still deciding but I know that I want to talk to him.’ He said and prayed that Yuuko won’t judge him for being a weak person who can’t even talk or think about his own soulmate without getting a panic-attack.

 

‘It’s okay to think through. It is a big decision in fact. You take your time.’ She said and at the same time his phone vibrated again with Mari’s name flashing on the screen and then Yuuri realized how much trouble he’s going to be in when he’ll reach home.

 

‘Crap, crap, crap.’ He mumbled and started collecting his things and shoving them in his bag. He decided to skip shower since it’ll be useless anyway because he’ll have to run all the way home to reach  as fast as he can and avoid getting a beating from his sister like the ones he used to get when he was a kid. Yuuko laughed at him and at his miserable attempts to get out the piece of fabric which got stuck in the zipper when Yuuri tried to close it in a hurry, just like a true friend she is- she spared none of his feelings and kept laughing until the end when he decided to just leave the zipper alone, he can always deal with it later. He hurriedly said goodbye to her and made his way out of there while losing all the grace that a ballet dancer is supposed to have in his movements. Minako-sensei would be so disappointed in him and then proceed to tell him what it’s like to be a true dancer and how important it is for a dancer to have effortless and graceful movements, he thought as he picked up the pace and started running towards home.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 05; 9:20 P.M. 

He has decided. He is going to talk to Viktor. He will go to his mother and tell her about his decision. He’d tell her that even though he isn’t so sure about what the future might entail for him and Viktor but he is not going to let the fear of the unknown let him stop from doing this- from reaching out to Viktor. He’s going to take the leap of faith and reach out. Viktor has been waiting for him and now he has taken enough time to consider. There are still doubts in his mind about it, off course there are doubts but what is Yuuri without his doubts. They are part of him and he may not like them always but he still has to accept that they exist. He can acknowledge them but he is not going to listen what they say and let them make decisions on his behalf.

 

This resolution brought him a sense of calm that he hasn’t had for a while. Everything seemed lighter and he smiled to himself and sighed in relief. His gaze automatically traveled towards his desk where Viktor’s picture used to be and he had put it in the drawer to avoid looking at it. He got up from the floor where he was sitting and opened his desk drawer to take out the picture. Viktor still looked beautiful and Yuuri’s heart still beat a bit faster when he looked at him. Everything was going to be okay, he thought as he tried to wipe the nonexistent dust off the frame and put down the picture carefully on its usual place on the desk.

 

Vicchan was carefully studying his every movement and Yuuri realized that he hasn’t taken out Vicchan for his walk in these past few days. Mari or his father must’ve been taking him out and this made him feel guilty. He decided to change it and went to the ever-loving puppy and kneeled in front of him and started to shower him with all the love and affection that he deserved. Vicchan was ecstatic to say the least and he showed his excitement by licking Yuuri’s face and anywhere he could reach basically. He maintained his cheerful attitude all the way on his walk to the park and the way to back home.

 

When Yuuri returned to his room he heard his phone ringing but before he could reach to pick up in time the call cut off. He unlocked the device to see the screen filled with notifications ranging from missed calls- a lot of miscalls considering not many people call him on an average basis, text messages, some Facebook notifications which he rarely uses and doesn’t have much people added on as friends. The missed calls were mostly unknown numbers; some were from his classmates who never called him; two each were from Yuuko and Nishigori and three were from Minako-sensei.

 

Everything was giving him a bad-vibe already and he had half a mind to ignore everything and go to sleep but he decided to call Nishigori back since he was the last person to call and at the same time he switched on his computer to check on his Facebook. As the computer took its usual time to boot and the phone kept ringing in his ear, his anxiety started increasing.  Nishigori picked up the phone before he opened Facebook.

 

‘Yuuri, are you okay?’ was Nishigori’s first question even before Yuuri could say hello. ‘Yes, I am fine. What happened?’ Yuuri replied as he waited for his Facebook wall to load. He had several notifications including messages, direct wall posts and several tags. But before Nishigori could say anything else to explain what was going on, Yuuri saw it. It was in his school’s group that he was part of just to get necessary information about school-schedule, exams and course material.

 

‘You haven’t been on facebook, I am guessing. Yuuri, I am so sorry. Somebody made a post about you- about your soul-mark and it has gotten kind of viral, at least in Hasetsu. Now since you haven’t said anything yet so most people are taking it just as a silly rumor and nothing else so don’t get worried yet. Yuuri, are you listening? Yuuri…’ But Yuuri was not listening because he saw what Nishigori was talking about. Several of his classmates and schoolmates have tagged him and shared that post with him. He had already gotten several messages from people inquiring about its authenticity and his response. He knew some of them by name and some of them by face and some were just strangers and nothing else.

 

‘Yuuri?’ Nishigori’s voice boomed in his ears and brought him back to reality. ‘Yeah, yeah I am here.’ He replied in a rough voice and his throat seemed to be closing around and choking his words.

 

‘Yuuri, I am so sorry. Someone from rink must’ve done it.’ Nishigori said attracting Yuuri’s attention immediately.

 

‘Why’d you say that?’ Yuuri asked.

 

‘You haven’t seen the post yet?’ Nishigori asked in surprised voice. ‘-the original post, Yuuri. I am sending you a link.’ Nishigori said and then went silent meanwhile Yuuri scrolled down to find that link himself. There were lots of comments and posts about it. Apparently, everyone had an opinion about it which ranged from – “Are you kidding me?”; “Yuuri Katsuki is gay?”; “Is that Russian guy really that big of a deal that everyone is freaking out this much?” Yuuri didn’t have enough sanity to deal with them or even let them dwell on his mind for longer than necessary to read them and analyze their meaning. There were a lot of posts of this nature but he couldn’t find the one Nishigori was talking about. Vicchan whined from his spot breaking his concentration and Yuuri smiled in his direction to reassure him. He got another message and this was from Nishigori. Yuuri opened it and clicked on the link in it which took him to the post- the original post.

 

**“Katsuki Yuuri, the local skating champion and currently ranked #2 nationally has finally turned eighteen and he got his soul-mark almost a week ago now. Yuuri has been trying to hide it from everyone else and has been very secretive about it and now you get to know why. His soulmate is none other than Russia’s Viktor Nikiforov who is said to be a living legend in making in figure skating and he is very a famous athlete not just in his home country but internationally too. No one knew about the name of his soulmate. He has been very secretive about it too. Guess, they are really soulmates, lol. Congratulations to the both of them. Here is a video of Yuuri trying to skate to Viktor’s routine. Now, he’s not as good as Viktor but he is good. ”**

There was a video attached to it. It was of Yuuri copying Viktor’s this season’s routine which is also Yuuri’s favorite one out of all of Viktor’s routines. The video was shot at the Ice Castle. Yuuri can’t decide on the exact date it must’ve been shot on but it is of Viktor’s routine of this season.

 

Yuuri sat there frozen without making any movement. Just when he was sure that everything was going to settle down and he can finally move forward, life threw him another problem and as usual he had no experience and idea as how to deal with it. Nishigori had said that the post is viral only in Hastesu so maybe that was a good thing. It means that the world outside was still unaware of it- the skating world was still unaware of it and he was glad for it.

 

His phone was ringing again. It was Minako and Yuuri suddenly found himself exhausted. He declined the call and switched off his phone to avoid getting any more calls or messages. He tapped on his thigh to call Vicchan and the puppy came running into his lap. With his dog in his arms Yuuri said goodnight to Viktor and then he slept. Sleep came surprisingly easy to him despite everything that was going on. He decided that he’d deal with whatever storm that’s coming his way.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Don't forget to write down your feedback or just general thoughts that you may have about the story or Yuuri or Viktor or both of them in the comment section. <3


	3. The Miles Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, nothing big happens in this chapter. Also they meet for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a very fast update considering the last one. I wanted to add one more scene to it but it had already gotten so long that I decided to add that to the next chapter but hey, good news! It means that there is already one scene written for the next chapter, lol. so, yeah. Enjoy!

Date: Dec 09; 11:50 A.M.

Yuuri has heard about pigeons and their logic about hiding from predators. They think that if they can’t see the predators then the predators can’t see them too so in the end it’s no surprise that they lose in the wild survival game of nature and yet they never learn.

 

Yuuri did exactly that. He behaved like a pigeons. _A dumb pigeon_. The thought made him cringe hard at his own thinking process. He apologized to all the pigeons in the world for thinking like this. But he did behave rather stupidly. He had thought that if he ignored the problem then the world will ignore it too but the world didn’t.  Not only the world didn’t ignore it but it also latched onto it and made it even bigger than anyone could’ve anticipated.

 

Right now in his classroom where his Japanese literature teacher was waxing praises about some or other fictional character that Yuuri can’t remember the name of and found that he didn’t even care but on the outside he was still pretending to be deeply interested in it. He was also too busy making himself hidden in the broad daylight and pretending that the eyes he had been constantly feeling were actually just a fragment of his over-active and anxious mind. The good thing about the whole situation was that nobody was cornering him and demanding to show his mark like they were doing just a few days before. They were all looking at him and whispering constantly. More than often he has been hearing snickering and the following mandatory shushing and then subdued laughing noise. He’s been wondering if it was really better than the other thing. _At least then he knew what they were thinking and wanted from him._

 

He looked towards his left where Himari sits with her usual group and sure there she was throwing daggers at him. He quickly averted his eyes and looked at his teacher who was engaged in making some gestures with his free hand to make some point clear. Yuuri looked back at his book and with an audible sigh decided to at least make an effort to read but nothing was comprehensible to him on the page. He could recognize the shape of the words on the page and he was hearing the words that his teacher was speaking but his brain was unable to make the connection between them and align the spoken words with the ones written in the book. After a full minute of struggle he still couldn’t find the exact line or paragraph so he just stopped trying altogether, _again_.

 

His mind wondered back to the morning after the night when that anonymous post was published on Facebook- when Minako again made a furious entry and told his parents about everything that was happening online; when Mari was red with anger and the only reason she wasn’t screaming was because their parents were there. Yuuri had tried to be brave then instead of taking his usual approach of silence. He remained calm and told them that it was not a big deal- that the only audience to which the post was targeted to was his school and to a small part of Hasetsu. They believed him or at least that’s what Yuuri thinks. It could also be that they agreed just so he won’t get anxious.

 

He was wrong, so utterly and fabulously wrong because the post may have been intended only for the student of his school and Hasetsu but it just didn’t stop there. By the evening it was trending in the whole of Saga and just this morning he got an email from the Newscaster Morooka from Tokyo asking about this. So his hope that it will be contained in Saga was also destroyed. He feared then that it will spread outside too. In fact given his luck he is pretty sure that it _will_ spread outside. The Grand Prix event had already started in Beijing and there is no way that someone won’t bring it up there.

 

 _Viktor is there._ Yuuri shuddered thinking about all the ways his life is sure to be ruined. He was hoping that people will be smart and considerate and won’t ask Viktor about it just before his completion. He is not sure that he matters enough to Viktor (at least before the bond) that it will ruin his performance but the constant questions can break concentration and the domino –effect may lead to some bad influence on his performance. _Viktor will hate you because of it,_ Yuuri’s mind supplied helpfully. Yuuri’s breathing was becoming shallower and his palms were sweaty. For a moment he thought about how he should’ve stayed at home. It’s not like he was learning anything at all. He was waiting for the bell to ring and something to happen that could justify the nervousness and fear he was felling. He was hoping that someone will come to him and ask about anything- books or tests or skating or Viktor. He just didn’t want to handle any more silent mouths and the loud judgmental stares.

 

The bell rang and the teacher mournfully closed his book. He said something about reading or writing or memorizing, Yuuri was not sure. The teacher left the room and Yuuri waited and low-key hoped for the onslaught of questions but nothing came except the same heavy weight of whispers, muffled laughing, stares and judgment. He couldn’t bear it so he stood up abruptly- his chair scrapped loudly at the floor and then everything was silent. There wasn’t any laughter or whispers as he made his way out of the classroom and towards the washrooms. People in the hallway too were silent and this silence continued to follow him till he closed himself in the bathroom stall and then all he could hear was his own labored breathing and the conversations that all the students might be having behind his back. _His mind was good like that- telling him all the things that he shouldn’t and couldn’t hear._

 

***

 

Date: Dec 10; 4:50 P.M.

Yuuri was watching the Short Dance of Grand Prix event on TV when Mari found him. She didn’t say anything and sat beside him. He has been trying his hard to not appear as shaken up from the entire debacle that has been going on.

 

Things have not settled down at all. In fact they have escalated to the point which Yuuri’d be lying if he says that he hasn’t expected. He had felt eyes on him all day at school and then at the rink and the gym also. The patrons at the inn are somewhat restrained in their staring. They also stare but try to be a bit subtle about it. No one is coming to ask him directly about it so that’s a relief… well, not exactly but it is what it is. Yuuri also finds it strange that he is not freaking out that much about it. Except that self-induced episode in school yesterday everything else has been easier to handle. It is possible that since neither Yuuri and nor Viktor has commented on it yet that most of the people might be taking it just as a rumor or a joke. This thought leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth whenever it appears but he has been ignoring it.

 

Men’s single Short Program was about to start. He felt his heart beat increasing as various skaters started to make their entry and head towards the rink. Yuuri couldn’t watch the public practice earlier so this would be his first time seeing Viktor after everything. Yuuri kept on straining his eyes as to see beyond what the screen was showing. He saw Viktor come into the frame with his coach and suddenly Yuuri couldn’t see or feel anything else. Viktor was wearing his Team Jacket and his countenance as beautiful and ethereal as ever. A few reporters were making their way towards Viktor when suddenly his Coach, Mr. Feltsman steered Viktor towards a corner and away from the cameras and reporters.

 

If Yuuri’s heart was hammering like crazy before then it was about to burst out of his chest when he heard the commentators talk about Viktor. Yuuri was sure that he felt something lodge in his throat and he swallowed to push it down but it just won’t go.

 

_“… and yes, Nikiforov, who has been very silent about his soul-mark has recently been a part of online storm regarding his soulmate. It was claimed that his soulmate is a high school student from a small town in Japan. Now, Justin, I don’t believe in such rumors especially when Nikiforov has himself said nothing about it. What do you think?”_

_“You are right about that, Mark. It is not the first time that such type of claims have been made regarding famous personalities and considering Nikiforov’s increasing fame in the athletic-world this doesn’t surprise me. I say that it should be regarded as mere rumor without any base. This seems more like a fan of Nikiforov starting these rumors just to gain some fame or fulfilling their obsession with the skater.”_

_“You are right about that. And here is Patrick Chan from Canada. Now, Justin, what I am interested is in seeing Nikiforov and Patrick compete against each other. Both have ambitious programs this year…”_

‘These bastards, what do they know about anything?’ Yuuri broke out of his trance when he heard Mari curse beside him. Mari is not a stranger to cursing but it is rather constrained when she is in the house and someone is with her so Yuuri was a bit surprised at her reaction.

 

‘It’s okay. They are right.’ Mari looked at him as if he has just insulted himself or worse, her. ‘I mean people do spread such rumors about celebrities.  Last year didn’t someone say the same thing about your favorite idol?’ Yuuri remembers exactly how passionately angry was Mari on that girl who claimed to be soulmate of Mari’s favorite idol which later turned out to be nothing but a tattoo. Those days Mari was always telling them about the latest development and how distressed was her idol because of one overenthusiastic fan.

 

‘Yes, but…’ Yuuri looked at her with a small teasing smile on his face as to challenge her to continue. She didn’t. She huffed out an exaggerated breath and then settled down in even more relaxed pose. ‘How are you so calm about it anyway? I thought you’d be climbing walls by now.’ Her voice told that she was just not worried, just simply stating it.

 

The truth was that Yuuri was not calm. His heart was beating as a hummingbird but Yuuri has somehow just gotten better at pretending that he was doing fine. He rubbed the pad of his right-hand thumb on the mark on his left wrist, feeling his heart beat there. On the TV Patrick Chan was talking about his program and was asking his fans to support him, behind him Viktor was listening to something that his Coach was telling him with a small frown on his face. Yuuri hoped that Viktor will be fine. He hoped that Viktor won’t know about this stupid thing that has happened because someone somehow found out about their connection – that Yuuri has made a mistake somewhere that has led to the start of this whole thing.

 

‘It’ll blow over soon.’ He said slowly and more calmly than he was feeling then. Mari didn’t say anything but she stayed with him and watched the entire event- at least till Men’s Single event was over. She left after that to help their parents but kept on coming back in between to check on him, Yuuri was sure but she was trying to be subtle about it. Once she came to give him some snacks to eat and once she brought all the freshly washed laundry and they folded it together.

 

Viktor finished third after the short program and after that he left the rink. His Coach stayed behind to answer the questions and appealed to Viktor’s fans to support him tomorrow in the Free Skate too. One reporter tried to ask about Viktor’s soulmate and there’s no doubt that she was then about to follow it up with the Facebook-post but as soon as she said the word “soulmate”, Mr. Feltsman quickly cut her off, thanked everyone for supporting Viktor and the reporters and the left the rink too. Yuuri was relieved. He didn’t want to know about their response and he was not sure if he’ll be able to handle any of it. He knew that he was not as much of a stranger to Viktor as he previously thought but for some more time he wanted to remain in his fantasy. _At least, till the Grand Prix is over,_ he reminded himself.

 

Yuuri watched the entire event and was amazed at every single performance. He realized that he is way more critical of his own performance than of other people’s performances. When he watches other competitors he just gets lost in the performance and very often he forgets to look for technical and other elements as he should as a fellow competitor.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 11; 09:30 P.M.

This would have been a very happy day for Yuuri had it not been for the name on his wrist. His whole life was now in chaos because of it. Yuuri was feeling like a criminal even though he was not even present at the site in focus and neither did he do the thing which may or may not have led to this metaphorical crime. Viktor couldn’t win gold. Patrick Chan made the top spot on the podium with a margin of 3.24. It’s not that big of a margin but for Viktor it was huge. He was competing to defend his title and he couldn’t do it. Now, there is no reason for Yuuri to believe that it was his fault and he didn’t believe it either. And from the looks of it- neither did Viktor. But he was still feeling a bit guilty deep down.

 

During the interviews Viktor was his usual charming self with a big smile on his face. His Coach may have looked stoic but Mr. Feltsman rarely shows any other emotion so it was not a worrying sign for Yuuri. When asked about his performance Viktor said that he was happy with the scores. He said that his program lacked a bit in the presentation element where he rightfully lost a few points. He congratulated Patrick for his gold medal and then promised to work hard in the upcoming competitions. Everything was going great until one Japanese reporter asked that question- that question of which Yuuri was scared of someone asking to Viktor- which will destroy every illusion of Yuuri being a stranger to Viktor.  That question for the first time brought their names together like that in public and it was asked directly to Viktor.

 

‘Viktor, is it true that Yuuri Katsuki from Japan is your soulmate? Is the Facebook-post that is viral on social media sites has any truth behind it?’ The question was asked with a very neutral tone with no sign of any emotion in it but once asked it brought out a variety of emotions out from every possible audience there. The other reporters in the room were excited and some even shouted their questions regarding it too. Other skaters were silent and masked their expressions but they were all looking at Viktor for his response.

 

Viktor looked stunned. Yuuri was stunned. There was an approximate distance of 1400 kilometers between them but despite that they wore the same expressions.

 

Viktor recovered much faster than Yuuri.

 

‘It’s a very private matter to me and I am not yet ready to comment on anything related to my soulmate. I will request you to please respect my wishes to not discuss anything related to that.’ He had a polite smile on his face when he said that and everyone could see that it was forced.

 

Yuuri thought Viktor looked as if he was in pain. Yuuri was in pain. He remembered the soul-bond and how it makes the soulmates experience similar emotions with similar intensity. _But there is no soul-bond between us yet,_ the logical part of his mind said and yes that was true. No bond means no synchronization of emotions. It was the rule. Yuuri realized that he was a bit disappointed at this.

 

Yuuri doesn’t remember much after that. He watched the whole event but he didn’t retain any of the details. Minako came by after some time and Yuuri knew that she stayed for a while and they talked too but now he can’t remember their exact conversation. She left to drink with her usual drinking buddies. Yuuri found the footage of the award ceremony and of Viktor’s Short Program and Free Skate and since then he’s been watching them on repeat. He hasn’t again looked at the interview though. He knew that he was acting rather absurd. It’s not like that Viktor didn’t know his name till now. Apparently, Viktor has been aware of his existence for four years now. The thought jolted awake something in him. Instantly an idea started to take shape in his mind and he got somewhat agitated when he indulged further into the details.

 

Yuuri shut down his computer and then started to pace in his small bedroom. Vicchan was out, probably with Mari in the garden outside so Yuuri was alone and no one was there to witness his excitement or agitation, he was not exactly sure.

 

Now despite of all of his anxiety and lack of confidence Yuuri can also be very spontaneous and he gets these spurts of courage where he’d do something so out of character and surprise himself and everyone else around him. Like when he decided to change over half of his choreography in his last Grand Prix as a Junior and despite trying so hard his coach couldn’t make him change his mind or how during last year’s Nationals he kissed that skater from Kyushu (and he was not even drunk then, he just wanted to kiss someone). After the rush of adrenalin fades and he starts to analyze just what he has done or said then he gets panicked. _It’s unfortunately a slightly common occurrence now._

 

But this was a big decision and yes, he got the idea as “spur of a moment” kind of thing but he wanted to take his time before committing to this so that he won’t regret it later. This time his decision was going to affect someone else. He needed to get out of the house to think. He decided to go for a run to the beach. Since his birthday and especially since the whole Facebook-thing, this is the only time where upon going out he won’t get any stares. He took his phone with him and went outside. Just as he was heading out of the house his mother intercepted him. She was outside unloading the deliveries from the van. He told her that he was going for a run.

 

‘Just don’t take too long, dear.’

 

Yuuri set a comfortable pace and let his mind wonder. He started thinking about all the details and what consequences they might entail. _He wanted to go and meet with Viktor in Beijing._ He figured that one day he’ll have to meet and Beijing is closer than St. Petersburg. He was also very excited to meet with Viktor. The part of him which was scared was now smaller and the other part which was begging for him to see Viktor was now stronger. Yuuri found that in the moment he was not afraid. _Here, now, he just wanted to be close to Viktor, to meet with him and to talk to him_. It has been a dream of Yuuri to become good enough to be able to compete against Viktor on the same ice but he still hasn’t been able to achieve that. This was not the same as competing against Viktor but it still gives him the chance to at least see Viktor from a closer distance. _He just wants to tell Viktor just how much he has inspired Yuuri._

 

He was not thinking about anything else, not hoping for their relationship to head into other possible directions either. _Okay, that’s a lie._ He didn’t need his mind to get all sarcastic on him now. As he approached the beach he started to feel a sense of accomplishment- like he has resolved something tricky. After reaching his usual spot on the beach, he sat down to collect his breaths. The ocean seemed calm as to mirror his psyche and Yuuri smiled to himself. In the distance he saw a couple- playing around in the ocean with each other. Their joyous laughter reached his ears and his smile grew even more. He lied down on the sand and buried his hands in the sand on both of his sides but he could feel his left-hand wrist more than the other. He rubbed it against the sand to feel the slight drag and fiction of sand particles against skin. He felt his heart beat slow down and his breathing becoming normal.

 

With one deep breath he stood up and started running back home to avoid getting his heart too relaxed. Yes, he has just decided to go and meet his soulmate but that doesn’t mean that he should avoid getting the maximum benefit from cardio. When he reached back home he found out his parents and Minako sitting in the family room talking about tonight’s soccer match. Apparently, their team lost by one goal and that was only because the referee was biased. His mother didn’t believe them. Yuuri laughed quietly to himself as his father became more and more passionate trying to make her understand. Yuuri waited for them to settle down and then he told them about his decision.

 

‘I want to go and meet Viktor in Beijing.’

 

***

 

Date: Dec 12; 01:15 P.M.

This was not the first time that Yuuri was at the Tokyo International Airport to board an international flight but he was never this nervous before. He had competed in Grand Prix and at the World Championship as a junior competitor and given Yuuri’s history with anxiety and mental weakness it was impossible to not feel nervous before them. He thought that he had already seen the highest limit to which his anxiety could reach. He has been proven wrong spectacularly. His own mind never fails to surprise him because of the depths of helplessness and nervousness it is able reach just before some “big” moments of his life.

 

After he announced his decision to his unsuspecting parents and slightly inebriated Minako, to say that they were surprised is an understatement. They were stunned into silence- even the ever-chirpy Minako. Then they all looked at him as if he has grown an extra limb overnight. It was his mother who spoke then and asked about the reason behind his sudden willingness. Yuuri now thinks that he explained it to them as better as he could- Viktor is now closer than he’ll be for some time in future and they’d have to meet someday anyway so why not now and the most important reason of it all – he wanted to meet Viktor.

 

Yuuri had gotten surprisingly and yet not-so-surprisingly (given his proclivity towards making sudden and passionate decisions) louder and louder as he approached towards the end of his explanation. When he came out of his monologue he saw Minako visibly straining to hide his laughter, a slow smile spreading over his mother’s face and his father awkwardly trying to look anywhere but in Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri remembered standing there with his red face and looking at them for any one of them to break their silence to say something or even to just laugh out loud.

 

‘Well then, I suppose we should tell them about your decision. It is sudden but I’m sure Vicchan will be happy to know that. Huh?’ His mother asked and Minako sniggered. Yuuri had then decided to ignore the teasing he was about to receive from Minako and nodded his head. Behind him Mari was standing looking equally amused as Minako.  Yuuri left them to sort out the logistics of his visit to Beijing. He wondered if he was being inconsiderate and childish. He wondered if he’d come across as rash and un-thoughtful to Viktor. First he had avoided even initiating any type of communication and now all of a sudden he had decided to go for a visit to a foreign country just to meet Viktor. He had deliberated upon the details and for the time being he was confident about his decision but he also knew the working of his mind. He knew that the doubts and fear will creep back outside on the surface and make him question everything.

 

Sitting in the uncomfortable airport chair in a slightly big blue coat with his favorite jeans folded at the bottom and his face almost covered by the medical mask, Yuuri was fighting the doubts. He had his headphones on to block out the noise around him. The music was nothing but just a white noise as he tried to reason with his insecurities and doubts. Minako has volunteered to accompany him. She argued that it won’t be fair for the inn’s profits if any of Yuuri’s parents go with him and Mari won’t be able to navigate properly in a foreign and a city as big as Beijing. Everyone agreed. Yuuri now thinks that her motives may not be that pure. He primarily thinks that she is going just so she could bother the skaters and may be for the soap-opera level of drama that she thinks that Yuuri’s life is surely going to turn into.

 

She was looking way more relaxed in that awful chair though with her hair left untied and an obnoxious looking pair of goggles perched on her nose to hide his eyes and almost half of her face. Yuuri sighed to forcefully throw out some of the nervousness and settled back in his chair to get his body relaxed a bit. His mother told him that Viktor has responded quite enthusiastically and even offered to pay for Yuuri’s tickets. It was a good thing that his parents refused. Yuuri even tried to pay from some of his own savings but his mother refused saying that this was their responsibility as his parents. She even tried to joke about how after Yuuri and Viktor are soul-bound then it’ll all be Viktor’s responsibility anyway. This joke didn’t land as smoothly as she had hoped. Yuuri just gaped in horror at the suggestion.

 

Due to all of stuff that has been happening ever since he has gotten his soul-mark he had completely forgotten about the legal side of the situation. Viktor was now going to be legally responsible for Yuuri. It’s a medieval sort of tradition that still is going on and Yuuri is not very fond of the arrangement that this imposes on him. Yuuri is not alone in this too. The start of this legal provision comes from the medieval and ancient misogynistic traditions where women were not given any sort of economic freedom be it earning and providing for their families or just being independent. As times changed and the relationships between two people of the same sex began gaining legal backing around the globe instead of getting rid of the whole “provider-dependent” roles given to partners they diverted it and made the age as the base for that. Viktor is more than three years older than Yuuri. They are sort of the “ideal” fit for it.

 

‘What are you thinking about?’ Minako asked him after he made a small whining noise. As it turns out he didn’t make the noise just inside his mind.

 

‘Nothing.’ Yuuri shrugged for good measure to show his nonexistent nonchalance. He turned towards his right to look Minako in the eyes. He realized that not only he is lying straight to her face but is also challenging her to say something about it. His mother would be very upset no doubt on the level of rudeness he has been reaching to lately. Minako was not easily fooled though plus Yuuri sometimes forgets that she has known him ever since his birth and technically he has spent more time interacting with her than anyone else. She knows him better than anyone else in the world.

 

‘Don’t worry, lover boy. I am sure he is also dying to meet you.’ She said and then turned her attention back to her phone leaving Yuuri unable to say anything else. They were supposed to meet around 8:30 in the evening at the same hotel where Viktor was staying… along with all other skaters too. Yuuri was informed that a room has been booked at the same hotel for Yuuri and Minako by Viktor. When he looks at the things in this way Yuuri thinks that it is very understandable that he is this anxious. As soon as the call for boarding started for his flight his nerves began acting even more.

 

‘Do I need to give you something stronger to make you pass out during the flight?’ Minako asked as soon as they settled in their seats. Yuuri looked at her questioningly. Sometimes Minako can say the most outrageous things possible in a very calm manner. ‘What? It’s a four and half hour flight and then we are going straight to the hotel. You need to get some rest. Is this how you want to meet your precious Viktor? With big bags under your eyes?’ She raised her eyebrows almost to the point of reaching to her hairline.

 

Yuuri thought about how different his life is in just a few days where he needs external help to fall asleep. He didn’t need that a while a back. Mari used to threaten to throw a bucket of ice-cold water just to make him get up in the morning. Now, everyone is suggesting him something to induce sleep. He decided to try to get some sleep naturally. He knew that it might be hard but he wanted to try nonetheless.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 12; 08:35 P.M.

After trying his hardest Yuuri couldn’t manage to sleep for more than an hour and that too was disturbed and broken. He knew that there was a chance of it happening and in retrospect he thinks that he should’ve taken up Minako’s advice because he was looking worse than he did a few hours ago and he was supposed to go and meet Viktor in exactly five minutes. He had already spent almost ten minutes standing in front the bathroom mirror in the hotel room trying to look even a tad better but to no benefit. He looked tired, his skin was unusually colorless as if he’s lost all of his blood at once, his eyes were glossy and his hair refused to behave. _This is not how one should look when meeting their soulmate for the first time_ , he thought feeling defeated.

 

When Yuuri came out of the bathroom he found Minako sprawled on one of the bed. Her bag was on the floor near that bed meaning she had claimed it as her own for the night. Yuuri placed his own bag on the other bed and started looking of something else to wear. He had already changed his shirt and there was only one other clean shirt at the moment in the bag.

 

‘What are you looking for in there? You are gonna be late. That’s not a good first impression you know, Yuuri.’ She said in a very careless tone without even looking away from her phone. Yuuri was already feeling very irritated right now but he controlled himself from snapping at her.

 

‘Do I look okay?’ He asked finally making Minako look at him. She put her phone aside and stood up. She looked at Yuuri examining him as she made her way to him. She made an incomprehensible sound which didn’t sound very appreciative of whatever she was seeing. Yuuri let out an exaggerated sigh to prompt her to give her opinion. ‘You know I am getting late as you mentioned just a few seconds ago so please could you answer me today?’

 

‘You look okay. Viktor Nikiforov is not going to know what hit him.’

 

Yuuri knew it was not the truth. In an old white full-sleeved shirt and an even older blue jeans he was never going to leave a lasting impression but this was the real him and right now Yuuri felt like it was necessary to just go with the truth. Minako gave one more attempt to make his hair look a bit better but then she sighed and put her hands on her hips to pity him, Yuuri supposed.

 

‘I think it has its own charm…sort of you know careless and sexy kind which is good since you know he himself is very sexy and you need sexy to fight sexy .’ With that she wiggled her eyebrows and it was enough to make Yuuri sputter and turn around to avoid look at her. He fiddled around in his bag to look for stuff he won’t need tonight. It was not like this was the first time Minako has said something like this to him. No, the truth couldn’t be more far from it. When Minako gets going she forgets that Yuuri is just like a child to her. She is equivalent of that friend for Yuuri that all parents want their children to stay away from. She was the one who gave him the “sex-talk”, she was the one with whom Yuuri shared about his giant crush on Yuuko and she was also the first person who gave another name to his obsession with Viktor. Yuuri mostly tolerates her all other innuendoes with an unimpressed and unbothered face; it’s just with the one specifically related to Viktor that make him red with embarrassment.

 

‘You sure you don’t want me to go along with you?’ Minako asked just when Yuuri was heading towards the door. Viktor was supposed to meet him in the restaurant of the hotel and Yuuri had decided to go there alone. He may regret this later but that’s in the future. Viktor had informed them earlier that he’ll be alone there.

 

‘I’ll be okay and if there is any problem I’ll call you.’ He said with a reassuring smile on his face. Minako smiled in return and nodded her head.

 

‘Good luck, Yuuri.’

 

\------

 

When Yuuri entered in the restaurant the first thing he realized was that how out of place he looked there. Everywhere he looked he saw impeccably and expensively dressed people- people who looked like they belonged there and amidst all of this was Yuuri, in his over-washed clothes and not-so-clean sneakers. He looked down towards his feet just as the thought entered his mind and yes, the sneakers were indeed very not-clean and he had forgotten to unfold his jeans form the bottom which was rolled up to his ankles. Yuuri made a painful sound upon this because there was no way he could do that here. He had to take a decision there and he knew that he was already late. He decided to look for the restrooms so that he could go and salvage some of his dignity and that was when he found something else instead.

 

He saw him, Viktor, sitting at a table almost in a corner near the big windows. Yuuri’s mind came to a screeching halt and at once he forgot what he has been thinking just a moment before. This was not the first time that Yuuri has seen Viktor from this close but it has been years since then when Yuuri has gone to see Viktor perform live. That was when Viktor still had long hair, when Viktor still was a teenager. This Viktor sitting leisurely in a navy blue suit was not a teenager. Viktor still hasn’t seen Yuuri and he was busy looking at his phone.

 

Suddenly, Yuuri realized that he couldn’t walk forward towards Viktor and he was standing still looking like someone froze him. _There is still a chance to go back and not change things,_ a voice came from deep inside him and left him thinking. Yuuri wondered if he could do that and would Viktor even notice. But suddenly Viktor noticed and he looked up from the phone in his hand and straight to where Yuuri was standing. Yuuri felt his heartbeat getting faster and a sharp sensation in his left-hand wrist but he couldn’t find in it himself to smooth it.

 

He saw Viktor abruptly standing up from his seat which jolted Yuuri awake too. Yuuri started moving forward too. Later in the night when Yuuri will analyze the meeting he’ll realize that he had no control over his legs at that moment. He’ll realize that they were moving on their own; he’ll remember the details of everything else too that in the current moment he was seeing; he’ll remember the way the amber light from the overhead chandelier made Viktor’s hair look an unusual shade of blonde and he’ll realize that he liked that too even though he has always been in love with Viktor’s natural hair color and he’ll remember how beautiful Viktor looked and how his heart was beating so fast that it almost hurt. _Somewhere in the near future he’ll realize that that was the moment when he started to fall for Viktor, his soulmate_.

 

Yuuri stopped after reaching in front of Viktor- close enough to see the color of Viktor’s eyes. Viktor was still standing and looking at him. Neither of them spoke for a few moments and Yuuri found himself burning under the intensity of Viktor’s gaze. He was not used to such scrutiny. He found himself fidgeting. He adjusted his glasses even though they really didn’t need to be adjusted. Yuuri decided to speak first.

 

‘Hello, Yuuri.’

 

 It was Viktor who spoke first. Yuuri has heard Viktor speaking English before but it still came to him as a surprise- his accent, the slight heaviness and coarseness of the voice- everything threw Yuuri off of his carefully crafted plan. Only when Viktor’s expressions changed that made Yuuri realize that he had forgotten to reply to Viktor’s greeting.

 

‘Hello!’ In a much panicked voiced Yuuri replied. He bowed hinging from his waist both in greeting and apology. When he straightened up he saw Viktor looking at him in a surprised yet startled manner and then he seemed to understand. Viktor then bowed in return which looked pretty sincere but couldn’t be called a proper traditional greeting. The following moments were very awkward too and then Viktor made it even more awkward when he extended his right hand towards Yuuri as to shake hands. Viktor’s hand was not touching Yuuri and to actually touch one of them will have to move forward a bit but Yuuri still took two steps backwards causing Viktor’s smile to falter. His hand was hanging between them. Technically, they wouldn’t be touching- _Viktor was wearing dark, expensive and soft looking gloves_ but the gesture and the implied meaning send Yuuri backwards. He winced at his own reaction and Viktor’s slightly offended expressions. Understanding dawned upon Viktor after a bit and he withdrew his hand fast and started apologizing.

 

‘ _дерьмо_ _._ I am so sorry. I didn’t realize this. I am so sorry.’ Viktor was saying in a mix of English and what sounded like Russian that Yuuri didn’t understand. It sounded almost good though even though he didn’t know the meaning of the words. He was pretty sure that the words couldn’t be that pleasant if the context and the Viktor’s facial expressions are to be taken into consideration. Yuuri didn’t care though because in the starting years of his career Viktor only spoke in Russian. This language to Yuuri represents his fascination with Viktor when he didn’t understand a word that Viktor was saying and had to rely on translator but Yuuri still felt like he understood the emotions and meaning carried through the words. The language represents whatever connection Yuuri shared with Viktor even before a name was written on his wrist. ‘I did not mean to make you alarmed, Yuuri. Yuuri? Yuuri?’

 

‘It’s okay. I know that.’ Yuuri replied in haste when he realized that Viktor has been calling his name. _I am making him uncomfortable-_ Yuuri thought bitterly and looked around to avoid looking at Viktor. Everyone else seemed to be drawn in their own world and oblivious to the awkwardness that Yuuri founded himself getting deeper and deeper into as the moments passed. He looked back at Viktor who was still looking at Yuuri somewhat intensely.

 

‘Please, have a seat.’ Viktor said gesturing towards a chair on Yuuri’s side. Yuuri nodded his head and said thanks to Viktor before pulling his chair out slowly to avoid making a sound. Thankfully, the chair slid out without any noise. Yuuri sat down and only after then Viktor moved towards the seat where he was sitting earlier and sat down. Yuuri kept both of his hands entwined in his lap while Viktor kept them at the table. Immediately Yuuri’s eyes ran towards the right hand of Viktor but he couldn’t see anything except the glove stretching beyond the line of visibility below the cufflinks of Viktor’s white shirt that he was wearing underneath his suit jacket. Yuuri felt underdressed even more now than before. He was sitting in front of Viktor who was looking like someone just out of a fashion ad and Yuuri looked like…Yuuri. He was getting self-conscious faster than he anticipated. He tugged on his shirt and strengthened his back a bit. A thought came to Yuuri’s mind that he should have worn a sweater over it.

 

‘I was very surprised when I got the message that you wanted to meet me,’ Viktor said making Yuuri look him in the eyes which was proving a difficult task because Viktor’s gaze was intense and  Yuuri has never gotten used to be the center of someone’s undivided attention. He still held Viktor’s gaze as Viktor continued to talk.  ‘I was hoping that we’ll meet someday soon but I never thought that it’ll happen _this_ soon.’

 

‘Why?’ Yuuri found himself asking before he could stop himself. Viktor was also surprised at the question, apparently.

 

‘Because when I called shortly after your birthday your parents told me that you might need some time to process - this.’ Viktor accompanied it with a gesture with his hands to indicate the space between them. Yuuri understood what he wanted to say and he’d be lying if he says otherwise. ‘Oh, that reminds me…Happy birthday, Yuuri.’

 

Yuuri blushed at the sudden change of tone in Viktor’s voice which went from casual to soft and intimate as he wished Yuuri.

 

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri smiled, his heart was suddenly feeling lighter. He hoped that he didn’t look as stiff and awkward as before. Viktor was looking more comfortable than before. Yuuri hoped that he was too. He was still feeling a mix bag of feelings but he wished to convey that Viktor’s demeanor was making him comfortable too.

 

‘But I won’t be able to give you your birthday present. That’s a shame.’ Viktor said.

 

Yuuri found himself smiling a bit widely. ‘That’s alright. I don’t need anything anyway.’

 

‘But, it’s still your birthday or it was. Though in Russia we don’t really celebrate birthdays before and after but I still wanted to give you your present. It’s such an important day, the eighteenth birthday, don’t you think?’ Viktor said with heavy meaning behind it and Yuuri was able to grasp the implication. His right hand immediately went to the wrist of the other hand to hold it. He had no idea though as to reply with what.

 

‘Yes.’ He said and cringed at his lack of communication skills. So far only Viktor has spoken in full length sentences while Yuuri has stuck to one word answers or awfully short sentences that can’t exactly be called productive in a conversation.

 

‘How did you celebrate it?’ Viktor asked next and Yuuri really couldn’t begrudge Viktor for asking that. It’s a very generic question and when seen contextually it is an expected one too. Most people take it as a very exciting day. Yuuri remembers a student one-year-senior than him in school last year threw a huge party in which he invited almost all of the school to watch the mark appear. There are millions of videos on the internet of soul-mark appearing.

 

There is nothing on the wrist except skin and then slowly beautiful colors and patterns start to emerge and expand until they spell a name.

 

 There are a group of American celebrities (Yuuri has no idea as to why they are famous or how they are related to each other) who have made a reality show based on their marks, and the drama related to it. Apparently, they’ve made a lot of money from it. That is the extreme case but generally people do tend to make a bigger deal than Yuuri. But, Yuuri can’t tell Viktor that he spent the day before his birthday in anxiety and had to take a sleeping pill to get some hours of undisturbed-slumber just like he can’t tell him that he spent the actual birthday in his room wallowing in denial and self-pity _. It is not a good image to paint in the head of your soulmate about yourself._

 

‘Uh, my mother made my favorite dish and we all spent time together.’ He chose to say. It’s not the whole truth but an altered version of it, Yuuri decided to not dwell on the technicalities. Viktor looked convinced and he didn’t question further. Yuuri wondered if Viktor understood him. Yuuri is not super-fluent in English but he’s able to hold conversations and understand the dialogues in most of the Hollywood movies. He’s still got an accent though.

 

‘That’s always a good way to celebrate your birthday.’ Viktor said and then he smiled at Yuuri and Yuuri saw the very famous “heart-mouth” smile of Viktor that gets the skating fandom to swoon and write essays on it. Yuuri’s heart was captured by it by now and he couldn’t say anything else but stare at Viktor in a very obvious way. Viktor held his gaze for a while but then he tore his gaze away and looked down coughing awkwardly and started fidgeting with the cloth-napkin arranged in a beautiful bird like shape. Yuuri was surprised at this for a second and then he remembered and cringed. He made Viktor uncomfortable again by shamelessly staring at him. Yuuri himself can’t handle even a little more than necessary amount of eye-contact during a conversation and here he went blatantly staring at Viktor. Sometimes Yuuri can’t begin to comprehend the contradictions and hypocrisies of his own mind. He decided to apologize even if it’ll make the moment even more cringe-worthy than it was already.

 

‘What would you like to eat?’ Viktor said just as Yuuri opened his mouth to apologize seeming to be feeling none of the earlier awkwardness that Yuuri oh so generously had inflicted upon their meeting. ‘The restaurant has fantastic chefs and every type of food is available. Off course, I haven’t tried everything due to the completion but I’ve heard great thing only. What’s your favorite food, Yuuri?’

 

‘Congratulations on the silver medal,’ Yuuri said as soon as he remembered the Grand Prix and Viktor’s yet another amazing performance. He should’ve congratulated Viktor as soon as he arrived. ‘…I didn’t get a chance to say this before so I am saying it now. Congratulations!’

 

‘Thank you so much. Did you enjoy the performance?’ Viktor asked and Yuuri nodded his head in unabashed enthusiasm. Viktor already knew about Yuuri idolizing him so there was no need to be any more polite than this and Yuuri didn’t think that it was really that much possible for him to be polite when it comes to Viktor’s performances. At last year’s nationals he had discussed several of Viktor’s past programs with a fellow skater and he stopped only when she moved forward and sat in his lap. It was a very inappropriate thought to have at this moment, Yuuri scolded his mind.

 

‘I did. It was a very… very beautiful performance… like always.’ But it didn’t mean that Yuuri won’t stutter like a fan-boy when describing it. But, Viktor looked happy and he looked at Yuuri with his beautiful eyes of blue-green shade that Yuuri has spent a very unhealthy amount of time being obsessed over. From this close Yuuri has a chance to discern the correct shade but he still hasn’t figured out and because of the last time he got caught staring at Viktor, he has to be careful. He didn’t want to come across as a creep or as an over-obsessed fan (which he may or may not be, depending upon the observer).

 

‘Thank you for your support. I am very glad to know that you enjoyed my performance. It’s always to hear from fans like yourself that they liked my performance. It makes me work even harder for the upcoming tournaments and seasons.’ Viktor said and smiled at Yuuri and the smile and tone was sincere enough but still Yuuri felt like something has pricked him somewhere and he felt his excitement running out of him like air from a burst balloon or a burst tyre. And it didn’t even take one second to make him feel this deflated. It’s not Viktor’s words that did it he’s pretty sure and Viktor didn’t even say anything that can be taken as false or offensive. Suddenly, Yuuri felt himself getting tired and unable to keep up with Viktor who was speaking something about the scoring system and one of the judge being too harsh on him.

 

‘…but then I think the other judge was somewhat more lenient so I don’t think that there should be any problem. I think that they both balanced out each other pretty good. Yuuri?’ Yuuri heard Viktor calling out his name and it brought out Yuuri from his thoughts. ‘Is something wrong? You’ve gone quiet.’

 

‘No, nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. I’ve just… it’s been a long day, with travelling and all.’ Yuuri rushed to do damage control. He can always make out the sense in his thoughts in his private time but he shouldn’t be doing this now when he was the one who asked to meet in the first place. Viktor who’s been busy with the things that are a part of the tournament such as competing and winning, exhibition and the banquet… and suddenly a chill went down Yuuri’s spine. He realized that the banquet must be going on now and instead of attending it, Viktor is here because Yuuri insisted on meeting during such an important and busy time for Viktor and Viktor who has been amazing enough to not say anything and agreeing to meet his childish soulmate who doesn’t think about anything but himself; who gets caught in his thoughts so much that doesn’t stop to think that the world doesn’t revolve around him.

 

‘Yuuri, are you okay? You look pale. Are you feeling okay?’ Viktor was looking frantic and his eyes were wide. Yuuri registered shallow and somewhat loud breathing and it took him three seconds to realize that they were his own. _No,no, no. I can’t and shouldn’t be doing this in front of him._ Yuuri thought to himself and tried to calm down as subtly and with as much dignity as was possible for him to gather at the moment. _He was somewhat successful._

‘What about the banquet?’ He asked Viktor who was looking at him worried and with concerning eyes. He didn’t seem to register Yuuri’s question at first so Yuuri repeated it which had Viktor blinking at him in surprise. Viktor also gained his semblance but much faster than Yuuri. It’s a pattern, Yuuri supposed and also a proof that Viktor is stronger willed than him.

 

‘I attended it from the start. In fact, I was there until the time when we had agreed to meet. Yakov is there so I don’t think that I am missing much and besides they are not very fun in the first place.’ Viktor said looking at Yuuri with almost the similar expressions as before, he still looked conflicted.

 

‘But, they are important. Aren’t they?’ Yuuri asked because he remembered when he attended his only Grand Prix banquet in his last year as a junior competitor when he was fifteen. His coach had told him to be polite and stay away from alcohol which Yuuri had followed but Yuuri didn’t know much English then so even when someone tried to talk to him, he couldn’t. His coach told him that sometimes mere presence is beneficial which was proved true when Yuuri got an email from an international brand saying that they were interested in sponsoring him for his senior debut. Yuuri later found out that it was only for the regional branch of the brand and the money was not that much and he was not the only one that they sponsored but Yuuri was still very giddy and proud about it.

 

‘They are but I attended more than half of it and Yakov is still there so if there’s anything important he’d give me a call. Don’t worry about it.’ Viktor smiled at the end but Yuuri was still anxious. He was still feeling like he was keeping Viktor from something important because of his impulsive decision. ‘And besides I think you are more important right now. We have a lot to talk, don’t you think?’ Viktor asked making Yuuri startled because they were finally about to acknowledge that there’s a reason for them to be here in this moment right now.

 

Yuuri didn’t trust himself with words so he stayed silent letting his eyes and his expressions show his affirmation and his hesitant but still present willingness. ‘I don’t know from where to start.’ He said in the end.

 

‘That’s okay. To be honest I don’t know either.’ Viktor said in response. ‘Let’s start from the basics, I think. What do you think about this whole concept of soulmates, Yuuri? Are you someone who believes in the phenomenon that only the people with the name written on our wrist are our true companions or are you a skeptical or a rebel who thinks that it’s us who should have the right and power to decide it?’

 

It was not a basic question. It was a big one; one that’s inspired theories, researches, stories, art, and debates and other countless things. Yuuri himself has seen both things happening around him. There are Yuuko and Nishigori- example of true companionship and connection and then there is Minako. He thinks that both things are true in their own, he thinks that both exist and should exist together. But, as his own standing on the matter goes- he is not sure; not sure whether he wants an unseen power to make him believe that yes, the person whose name is written on his wrist is the only one true for him and no one else or if he wants to search for his own person by himself thorough experiences. He has seen movies where the system doesn’t exist; where people search for their soulmates through trial and error, through heartbreaks and tears. He doesn’t know which one is the better system. _He never has wanted to know to be honest._

 

On one hand, it’s fascinating to know that there is someone who shares a cosmic connection with him and at the same time it is terrifying to have a connection this intense upon which he has control. There is enough data and researches done on soulmate suffering for each other. It is tempting to have this special bond and at the same time for Yuuri, who is an anxious person by nature, it’s also terrifying to not have any control whatsoever on it _. So yeah, he doesn’t know, is the final conclusion._

 

‘I really haven’t made up my mind yet.’ He said in the end. Viktor looked like he was not surprised at it which made Yuuri wonder if he’s really that transparent but then this is the first time they are meeting so maybe not; it is possible that this is Viktor’s own standing on the matter or the majority of people he had met with have given this type of response to him.

 

‘What do you think about it?’ Yuuri asked Viktor before his courage ran out and he talked himself out of asking. Viktor took his time to consider his words then he spoke like someone who has deliberated upon this particular subject very much.

 

‘I believe in being the maker of my own fate, you know and at the same time I like the idea of having someone specifically made for me. You know there are some poets who believe that soulmates are born from the same soul means that long time ago they were one but somehow they got broken and their soul divided into parts. The universe is thus trying to right the wrong by making soulmates have each other’s name and thus helping them become whole once again- so when soul-bonds are formed they are fulfilling their purpose and making the Universe whole again.

 

‘I know it’s a very romantic interpretation and there are others out there- spiritual, biological and others but I also think it’s the most beautiful one. What do you say?’ Viktor said all this with an ease that Yuuri himself could never hope to have because by the time Viktor was done Yuuri’s mind has gone into overdrive. He never really thought that way but then again the only literature he has ever read is recommended by teachers in school. He found himself very inapt at answering the question. But he was saved from the embarrassment of having to give his not-so-nuanced answer when Viktor’s phone started ringing. Viktor looked apologetic when he picked it up from the table. He frowned upon looking up the caller and then the ringing stopped and he put the phone face-down back on the table. Yuuri was not sure if the call was cut-off on its own or else. But as soon as Viktor looked ready to say something, it started ringing again.

 

‘You should take it. It could be important.’ Yuuri said when he looked at Viktor’s expressions. Viktor apologized and then he stood up from his chair to answer the phone. Yuuri didn’t think that there was any need to apologize. Viktor’s time was important. Viktor was at a bit distance but still in the earshot when he answered it. Yuuri couldn’t hear properly and neither could he understand anything that he was able to hear because Viktor was speaking in Russian. Yuuri took out his own phone out of his pocket to find three messages- two from Mari and one recent form Minako. He replied to Mari first just to tell her that he was okay and that they’ll talk later. Minako said that she was nearby- which means that she was also present in the restaurant and watching him so he didn’t think there was any need to reply her. He got more messages just as he took out his phone.

 

 

**Minako-sensei**

**08:53 P.M.** I am nearby don’t worry

 **09:04 P.M.** he’s very rude who is so important to talk to right now

 **09:05 P.M.** Yuuri answer me. Now you’re being rude

 **09:05 P.M** Yuuri?

 

‘Everything okay?’ Yuuri startled when Viktor came to the table and asked him as he sat down again. Yuuri was frowning on Minako’s texts and was contemplating what to reply.

 

‘Yes, everything is good. What about you? That call seemed important.’ Yuuri replied.

 

‘No, nothing that Yakov can’t handle alone. I am very sorry for the interruptions. It was very rude of me but I forgot to put it on silent. I’ve put it on silent so nothing will interrupt us anymore. We should order some food.’ Viktor said calmly but Yuuri could hear something else in his voice too. It was not the same as before. Something had changed.

 

‘Viktor, is everything really alright? I feel like you need to attend to something important and because of me you are unable too. I’ve already caused you enough disturbances by asking to meet all of a sudden in the middle of a competition and events. If there is something that you need to go to then you should.’ Yuuri said all the while not trying to let his voice falter. He was feeling horribly guilty right now.

 

‘Yuuri, as I said, nothing is more important right now than you. And, don’t worry about coming here. I am pleased that you decided to come because otherwise who knows when we would’ve been able to meet and we have a lot to discuss about our future and we haven’t got much time.’ Viktor sighed in the end and he truly looked down.

 

‘What do you mean?’ Yuuri asked.

 

‘I have to go to St. Petersburg tomorrow. There is a shoot for a brand and then I’ve to go to Moscow to attend a meeting regarding some family property. I didn’t know that you were planning to come here otherwise I could’ve figured something out and we could’ve had some more time.’

 

If this was Viktor’s attempt to make Yuuri not feel guilty then he was doing a horrible job because Yuuri was feeling nothing but guilt now. And he was sure that everything was written on his face for Viktor to see. He croaked out an apology and again Viktor dismissed it. He wanted to say something else too but he wasn’t able to find out any other words.

 

When Yuuri looked up from his lap towards Viktor he found Viktor looking at something towards their right side. Yuuri followed Viktor’s eyes and his gaze landed at a familiar figure of Mr. Feltsman, Viktor’s Coach in the distance and looking at them. Yuuri didn’t need superpowers to know that it was not a happy look on his face. Viktor’s coach was looking serious. Yuuri looked back again at Viktor and Viktor followed suit to look at him only after a few seconds. Yuuri saw resignation on Viktor’s face and he spoke before Viktor could say anything.

 

‘You should go. Please, don’t let me keep you from something important.’ Yuuri said and Viktor looked like he was about to protest. ‘Please, Viktor. I feel guilty already so don’t avoid any important business you have because of me.’

 

Viktor sighed again and then looked in the direction of his coach who was still standing there. ‘It’s a meeting with some ISU officials.’ Viktor said and Yuuri’s eyes widened. He abruptly stood up.

 

‘You should go there.’ He said resolutely at Viktor who stood up too.

 

‘But we haven’t really talked about anything important. And tomorrow I have to leave. You look tired so I don’t want to make you wait for the meeting to end. These are very boring meetings where nothing of much value happens but they still take a lot of time.’ Viktor said as he carded his fingers through his hair and put his palm on his forehead. He looked like a very dramatic character form one of the day-time dramas that Yuuri’s mother likes to watch. Yuuri smiled to himself at the thought.

 

‘Give me your number.’ Viktor said as he picked up his phone and tapped at the screen. ‘If the meeting ends soon then I’ll give you a call and we could talk some more if you’ll like.’ Viktor said and looked at Yuuri who was taking a moment too long to follow Viktor’s words but in the end he took Viktor’s phone to type his number.

 

‘Okay, then. I’ll try to finish the meeting as soon as possible.’ Viktor said but he was still looking conflicted. ‘I am sorry, Yuuri. I have to leave you now.’

 

‘It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.’ Yuuri said and even though he was feeling somewhat sad himself, he really had no reason to complain. He was the one who was insisting Viktor to go. There was a trade-off between feeling guilty and sad and Yuuri has chosen to be said. Viktor stood there for what seemed like a while but then he smiled and started to go.

 

‘I’ll see again shortly, okay.’ He said and Yuuri nodded his head again not trusting his voice to not crack. He shouldn’t be feeling this sad. Yes, Viktor is his soulmate but there still isn’t any soul-bond between them to feel emotions this intensely.

 

Yuuri watched as Viktor went towards his Coach and together they left. Yuuri sat there until after half a minute Minako came to him looking worried and angry at the same time. Yuuri decided that first he’d explain everything to her and then he’d call home to talk to Mari and mother to let them know to not worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 4k words of just their meeting. So, what i I wanted to convey from their meeting that they are excited yet awkward towards each other; they are intrigued but still unable to communicate properly with each other.I think that Viktor is not that big of an extrovert as he comes across in the series so I've taken his characteristics in that direction. I am not sure how he's coming across to you through Yuuri's eyes so I welcome all of your observations.  
> The reason that Yuuri feels sad when Viktor asks if he enjoyed his performance is because Viktor refers to him as a fan and Yuuri doesnt realize this now but he wanted Viktor to acknowledge their connection and also that Yuuri is a skater too and not just a fan. This will come up in future chapters again.  
> Their problems that arise due to miscommunications and the consequences of them are something that I want to explore more as the story progresses. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I got some very amazing comments at the last chapter so I am both excited and terrified to share this chapter.  
> I've tried to write down their meeting as organic as possible and not very over-the-top and staged kind of thing so feel free to tell me your thoughts on it as I am still learning.  
> All comments and feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading.


	4. The Whispered Accusations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter. I am sorry guys but I couldn't make them any shorter and that's I take some time to upload but don't worry because I am not going to abandon it and I'll try to post sooner in the future.
> 
> Chapter Notes: Yuuri's mental health is not that great here. There's nothing graphic but you'll still be able to feel it. So consider yourself warned.
> 
> As usual there may be some errors here even though I've tried my best to find them and correct it.  
> I don't own Yuri on Ice.

Date: Dec 13; 05:25 A.M.

 

Minako's sleepy whining made him awake faster than his own phone's ringing. Yuuri searched around on the bedside table until he found his phone and he almost managed to knock down the glass of water. He had a hard time focusing his eyes though to make out the name of caller. It was not a saved contact but a number and that too with an extension that he didn't recognize. Yuuri was way too sleepy to deal with a stranger this early in the morning so he decided to just let the call continue until it cuts off on its own but he did put it on the silent mode.

 

Minkao too had stopped her restless movements by then and was back to snoring softly. Yuuri had no idea who could be calling him this early in the morning. There aren't many people who have his number so he figured that it must've been a wrong number instead. He had just started to go back to sleep when suddenly a thought or rather a memory came to his mind.

 

 _Viktor. He had given his number to Viktor yesterday in the restaurant and he had said to call Yuuri when his meeting would end._ Yuuri opened his eyes and pulled himself up and sat down on the bed as he picked up his phone and unlocked it. He had one missed call. Even after putting some strain on his memory he couldn't recognize the extension. There was a chance that it could be Viktor. He has said that he'd call and Yuuri had waited till quite late.

 

There was another incoming call from the same number and Yuuri hesitated for two seconds and then he answered it but waited for the person on the other end to speak. If it was a stranger than he could always cut the call.

 

 _'Hello? Yuuri are you there? It's Viktor.'_ The voice was softer and the accent even thicker but it was still Viktor. Yuuri recognized his voice.

 

'Hello. Yes, I am here.' Yuiri had to clear his throat before speaking. He glanced towards Minako's bed but she seemed to be sleeping undisturbed.

 

_'I am... Sorry for waking you up but I was hoping that we could talk? Would you want that?'_

'Yes.' Yuuri didn't need to think before answering to know that he wanted that too. He is not a morning person by any definition but right now he didn't mind to be awakened if he'll get to talk to Viktor. 'I don't mind that you woke me up. I'd like that too... I mean to talk.' He said mentally telling himself to get it together.

 

 _'Yeah?'_ Viktor asked again.

 

'Yes.'

 

_'Okay, I am waiting for you downstairs in the lobby then. See you soon.'_

'Okay. See you.' Yuuri said and ended the call. Minako was still snoring so Yuuri quietly got up from the bed and towards the bathroom. He made a quick work of getting himself ready which didn't mean much other than brushing his teeth, washing his face and freshening up. Yes, the last part was the most necessary. He changed into his jeans from last night and a sweater over the t-shirt he has been wearing already. He put his phone and key card in his pocket and wore his blue jacket over and the sneakers. _This time he remembered to not fold his jeans at the bottom._ He was still looking sleepy but he couldn't do anything about it anyway so he decided not to fret over it.

 

The standard tone of elevator door opening brought Yuuri out of his thoughts. He decided to leave all of his anxieties behind as he entered into the hotel lobby. It took no effort to find Viktor there because he was the only person there except for two of the hotel employees who were in their uniforms. Viktor was not wearing a suit like last night. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a very soft looking gray sweater. He was wearing a navy-blue pea coat with buttons left open. He was looking towards the elevators and Yuuri made the small journey under Viktor's gaze leaving him conscious of his own appearance. Some of Yuuri's worries were lifted when he realized that Viktor also looked somewhat softer and tired. Viktor greeted him with a smile which Yuuri returned.

 

 _'Good morning_ _, Yuuri'_. Yuuri was so busy admiring a softer and slightly different looking Viktor (not really but his appearance didn't intimidate Yuuri as much as it did yesterday) that he didn't realize that Viktor had greeted him in Japanese.

 

 _'Good morning.'_ Yuuri replied the same way. Viktor smiled again while looking at Yuuri and again with the same intensity that has not failed once since yesterday to make him flustered and scrambling for his wits.

 

'I've tried to learn it but Japanese is a hard language to learn and so different from other languages that I know.' Viktor said as he gestured Yuuri to sit on the sofa. They both sat down and Viktor tilted his body slightly towards Yuuri though with enough space between them to eliminate any chance and accidental touch. 'What languages do you speak, Yuuri?' Viktor asked.

 

'Japanese and English. Though, I am not very good in English.' Yuuri replied and Viktor made a face that Yuuri couldn't decipher. So far, Yuuri has not been able to understand Viktor's expressions much. There can be two reasons for it; first being that he hasn't really had much time to carefully study Viktor; and second being that Yuuri is constantly trying to not look(stare) at Viktor because staring is rude and also because he's pretty sure that Viktor knows Yuuri has been staring but is too polite to point it out.

 

'No. You are good, Yuuri. Don't worry and especially considering that you haven't really had many chances to practice it.' Viktor said as he leaned forward a bit and picked up one of the two take-out cups that were on the table and somehow Yuuri had failed to notice before. 'Tea?' Viktor asked as he held the cup and offered it to Yuuri. Yuuri could use a cup of tea even if he was feeling way too much alert comparing to any other mornings.

 

Yuuri murmured thanks and took the cup already enjoying the warmth of it in his palm.

 

'I wasn't sure if you liked coffee so I bought tea for you and coffee for myself.' Viktor said as he picked up the other cup from the table and took a sip, closing his eyes when swallowing. Yuuri was transfixed on the smallest details of this simplest action.

 

 _Stop being weird,_ a voice boomed inside his head and Yuuri removed his eyes from Viktor. The tea was good, different but good. He liked it immediately. He told Viktor so and thanked him again.

 

'Did you sleep alright?' Viktor asked him. 'It's just that sometimes I have trouble falling asleep in foreign room.'

 

By the time Yuuri and Minako were done with dinner they were exhausted enough to fall asleep as soon as they hit bed. Minako didn't even try to hit on the athletes they met on their way or in the lobby. Yuuri himself was feeling tired enough that even his always noisy brain was silent. _He didn't even analyze his meeting with Viktor that much._

'I was tired so didn't have much problem.' He replied and Viktor hummed in response. 'How was your meeting? Hope your Coach wasn't mad at you because of me.' Yuuri said sincerely.

 

'It was boring just as I said.' Viktor said chuckling. '...and Yakov is always mad at me for some or other thing and I've learned to just ignore it.' Viktor said and winked at the end.

 

It was not a new picture for Yuuri- Viktor winking. He had seen it many times. Viktor has a habit of winking at his fans and reporters. But this was also his first time experiencing it in person without the aid of a screen to pause, rewind, screenshot or download to watch it again and again. Its effect on him was also more intense than ever before. Yuuri was blushing to absolute limits, he was sure of this and this thought brought embarrassment which made his face even redder. _It was a vicious circle and Viktor was cruel._ Yuuri looked the other way and took two long sips of the hot liquid and begged his brain to do its work and stop making his face red. It has never once listened to him. _Yuuri was a fool for hoping that it'd listen this time._

'Can I ask you something?' Viktor said after a few silent moments and continued when Yuuri nodded his head. 'How did you feel when you saw your mark? What I mean to ask is how did you feel when you knew that it was me?'

 

'I thought I was still asleep and was having a very lucid dream,' Yuuri said after careful consideration which led him to decide that he should be honest with Viktor. He seemed to want Yuuri to be honest and he _deserved_ that. 'I tried to wake up from it but no matter what I did nothing changed so...'

 

Yuuri hadn't had much time till then to accurately categorize Viktor's expressions and small gestures that tend to supplement them but he had enough knowledge of human behavior, so he was able to identify that Viktor looked amused and also like he didn't believe what Yuuri was saying.

 

'Why are you looking at me like that?' Yuuri asked.

 

'Why would you think like that?'

 

'Because you are Viktor,' Viktor looked at him frowning as he tiled his head sideways to lean away from Yuuri. 'You are... You are famous.'

 

That may not have been his original intended words but Yuuri chose them in the end just because telling Viktor about all the years of idol-worshipping and slight obsession felt like too much. Viktor looked confused for a moment as his eyebrows were raised slightly higher and also pinching towards each other.

 

'What about you?' Yuuri asked.

 

Viktor said nothing for a while and he seemed to be lost in contemplation.

 

'I was preparing for the nationals then. I didn't have a very memorable Grand Prix so I was working very hard for the nationals but I was very excited for my mark to appear. When I got the name- your name I just repeated it for a few times just to make myself familiarize with it. Then I called Yakov who yelled at me for waking him up- I was born at 11:30 in the night you see,' Viktor laughed fondly and forced Yuuri to again acknowledge just how beautiful his expressions tend to be when he laughs. 'I went to the agency next morning and then they told me that I should've made an appointment before. There were a lot of people there. I had to wait for two more days and finally I met with the guidance officer and he showed me the data base.'

 

The data base is a collection of names and minimum necessary information for people to get in touch with each other for the first time.

 

'Do you know how many Yuuri Katsukis are there?' Viktor asked smiling amusingly. Yuuri didn't know. But it’s unlikely that there are many and just like it is unlikely that he is the only one.

 

'Three, including you.' Viktor said after Yuuri shrugged in response.

 

Well, that seemed like a reasonable number to Yuuri.

 

'What made you sure that it was me, the right Yuuri?' Yuuri asked. He has wanted to know it since the start. What made Viktor think that it was the right Yuuri that he chose to contact?

 

‘Well, one of them is a 40-years-old man living in the US and another one is in Japan but he was already with his mate. I think that I got very fortunate in my search for you,’ Viktor said and he moved just a bit closer to Yuuri. Yuuri stiffened but Viktor was still not close enough to get into his personal space but he was closer than before. Yuuri could make out a faint pleasant smell of Viktor’s perfume which made his cheeks heat up a bit. _Control your hormones,_ Yuuri reminded himself. ‘When I began to learn about you from the information they gave me, I became sure that you were the one. There was this _voice_ inside my head which told me that I was right and then as time passed I got even more assured. The meeting with your parents was just a sort of formality but I was sure way before that. It’s like there was a part of me which somehow recognized that I was on the right path.’ Viktor stopped and then looked at Yuuri.

 

‘ _Ah_ , you must think I am very sentimental but I spent many years reading my mother’s entire collection of romantic literature. So I have gotten quite sappy.' He said smiling.

 

Yuuri couldn't stop a laugh at this and Viktor looked at him in surprise. Yuuri then realized what he had done just then and quickly started to apologize.

 

'It's okay, Yuuri. I _know_ you didn't mean any offence.' Viktor said teasingly. Yuuri nodded his head but smiled before taking a sip of the tea.

 

'Who is Minako?' Viktor asked then. 'Your father said that she'll be coming with you but she didn't tell me anything else.'

 

'She is my dance teacher.' Yuuri told. Viktor gave him a look of surprise.

 

'You dance? I didn't know. What kind of dance do you learn?'

 

Yuuri knows ballet and ballroom quite well. He has been practicing hip hop too for a while now and now and then and when he feels too adventurous he has been dabbling with pole dancing too. But he was never going to tell Viktor about it. It's a great workout for core and abs and there's nothing else to it.

 

'Wow.' Viktor said afterwards. 'You must show me your dancing skills sometimes.'

 

 _That's a bad idea._ Yuuri's mind muttered. There's no way that he was ever going to show Viktor his dancing. Yuuri knew objectively that he was a decent dancer but he was nowhere near the greatness of Viktor. So instead of replying in words Yuuri just nodded his head and left it that.

 

'Yuuri, will you do something for me?' Viktor asked and Yuuri felt like he was nervous which was just ridiculous because there was no justifiable reason for Viktor to get nervous around Yuuri. 'I'd like to have a meal with you. We couldn't have dinner last night and I... I just really want to have a meal with you.'

 

Yuuri really didn't know how to reply because after hearing Viktor say it made him realized that he wanted it too. _Very much._

'I would really like that too.'

 

Viktor looked very pleased with his answer because suddenly his eyes were brighter than before or maybe it was the lights above them or the morning light coming through the windows. Yuuri was happy that he made Viktor happy because the guilt from last night was still very much present on his mind.

 

Viktor stood up and asked Yuuri to follow him. Together they went towards the elevators. Viktor explained after seeing the questions on his face; 'The official breakfast doesn't start this early in the morning and the dining area is closed too but the chef is actually a fan of mine so he was very happy when I requested him too to prepare food for us last night.

 

'I was feeling very bad because you came to meet me and I couldn't even get out of a boring meeting and you were very considerate. It's just a way to apologize really.' Viktor said.

 

It was just so unnecessary, Yuuri wanted to say. He was the one who decided to meet suddenly and that too in the middle of the competition…well, not the middle but the competition officially ends with the banquet. During all the time which Yuuri spent planning out and thinking about details this was something he had conveniently forgotten and now Viktor was the one who was feeling guilty.

 

'Don't worry about the room though. Everything is packed and I don't like messy rooms in general. But if you are not comfortable we could go somewhere outside too.' Viktor was saying just as they got out of the lift and were walking towards the room.

 

'No, it's no problem at all and you shouldn't apologize for last night. It wasn't your fault. I was the one...'

 

'If you are going to blame yourself one more time then I'm going to stop you right here,' Viktor halted and then leaned forward just a bit so that he was in eye level with Yuuri. 'I am very glad that you are here. And you didn't do anything wrong. Okay?' Viktor said slightly raising his voice and what other way was there for Yuuri to respond other than just nod his head and pray that he wasn't blushing because Viktor smelled good and _he was even more pretty from this close._

 

'Good.' Viktor looked pleased with himself and then he straightened up and turned around to unlock the room. It was almost identical to the room in which Yuuri and Minako were staying except that it had only one bed which was neatly made and showed no sign of someone sleeping there. But the sight still made Yuuri blush. _He was in Viktor's room and there was a bed and definitely a 15-years-old Yuuri would've combusted at the sight but this Yuuri was 18 and also not a pervert._ Yuuri removed his eyes from the bed and looked around. It was a typical hotel room with no personal touch. There was Viktor's luggage in a corner, all packed. Yuuri ignored that too.

 

'Just sit for a bit. I'll call for food.' Viktor said and went towards the bedside table to presumably call for the food. Yuuri sat on the sofa rubbing his hands on his thighs to calm himself down and also to divert his attention from his surroundings which was quite difficult.

 

The breakfast itself was a relatively peaceful affair. If you'd ask Yuuri what he ate there he won't be able to tell because he didn't remember. What he did remember was how intimate it felt and how Viktor's eating speed changed according to things he liked most and things he didn't like that much. He'd remember but won't be able to describe how the exact way Viktor's throat looked enticing and how Yuuri got an overwhelming urge to touch Viktor there just along the way from his jaw to the base of his neck. _Stop being a pervert._ Yuuri tried to remind himself but he couldn't control his emotions and his eyes, not entirety anyway.

 

They were sitting in the window seat looking outside as the morning sun peaked through the trees. _Komorebi._

'Beautiful.' Viktor said quietly and Yuuri agreed. The morning was beautiful, tranquil and had no idea just what kind of chaos the rest of the day would bring. A quiet wish erupted into Yuuri there. He wanted to stay there- in that moment at that window seat and that close to Viktor. Yuuri realized that he was starting to lose himself and for that moment he let that happen. _He could always panic about it later._

 

'Yuuri, what do you want?' Viktor said suddenly and Yuuri looked at him in surprise. It took him exactly ten seconds to respond and that was enough to make some doubt appear on Viktor's face.

 

'What do you mean?'

 

'From me and from this... this connection between us.' Viktor said as he settled his back against the opposite corner of the window. He was looking at Yuuri and he looked younger. Viktor's personality has always been bigger than life in Yuuri's eyes that he always forgets that Viktor is only twenty one years old. 'What do you see in the future? For you and for... for us?'

 

Yuuri didn't know the answer to it. He was being so busy in accepting the present that he forgot to contemplate about the future. It's not that he didn't have a plan. He had one and it went like this- a) graduate; b) get into a college to get a degree in hospitality where there's also a rink nearby and get a scholarship there; c) may be see about training under some highly respected Coach. Off course, he had known about the soulmate system but he just hoped that whoever it'll be would let him stick to his plan. He had never thought that it'll be someone from outside the country and also from another continent. He wanted to stick to his plan because if he abandoned it it'd mean that he'll be left without a plan and it was scary. Yuuri needed a plan of action- a plan which at least had the broader details set if not the minor ones.

 

He told Viktor his old plan and when Viktor asked about the new plan now that circumstances had clearly changed he had no answer.

 

'Would you consider staying in St. Petersburg with me?'

 

Well, Yuuri was sure that he was having a heart attack just then and Viktor acted like this was not at all a thing that was big or important because he continued to talk and with each word Yuuri's heartbeat was getting even stronger.

 

'I know you have your whole family here and you'll maybe want to stay with them. I am not asking you to give me a reply right now but I just... What I want is for you to consider it.'

 

The first thought that came to Yuuri was - thank god, he is not asking for an answer right now because Yuuri had lost his speaking ability just then. These past 24 or so hours have nothing but an onslaught of emotions, one after the other nonstop and he felt as if he was losing sense of it all.

 

'Would you consider it, Yuuri?' Viktor asked slightly nervous and a dangerous line of thinking made its way to Yuuri. The words were on the tip of his tongue and if it wasn't for Yuuri's cautious nature he'd have said them out loud.

 

_I'd do anything for you._

Was it the connection everyone talks about- the feelings that compel people to disregard everything and gave themselves entirely to their soulmate? If it was indeed this then was Viktor feeling it too or was Yuuri alone in it.

 

'I want to know everything about you. That's how we can build trust in each other and trust is necessary to have a relationship, don't you think?'

 

 _Okay, Viktor Nikiforov worked on a faster pace than Yuuri._ Yuuri, who was now standing with his back turned to Viktor, was trying really hard to not scream in excitement or nervousness or fear or wonder or all of them together. _Yuuri was an idiot because he forgot that Viktor had never once failed to surprise him and he didn't fail today either. Yuuri failed because he didn't prepare himself to be surprised._

'Yuuri, why'd you run away?' Viktor asked from the window seat to Yuuri who was almost to the other side of the room.

 

'I just... I just had a leg cramp...'

 

'It's okay. I know it's a lot to take. I don't want you to worry. We have to learn to talk about these things.' Viktor stood up too and in four large strides he was close to Yuuri. 'You can talk to me, Yuuri and about anything- your doubts or fears or something else.'

 

'It is just a lot to take. I never thought that I'll live somewhere other than Japan, at least not in the coming years.' Viktor hummed and then tilted his head but didn't say anything else. Yuuri took it as a sign to continue; ' I am not saying that I don't want to know about you. I just... I am in high school and I've got exams and nationals to worry about now. Can I take some more time before I say?'

 

'Off course, anything you need. And I know that you've got things to worry about already but we had to talk about it now or we'll never get a chance for some time.' Viktor smiled and Yuuri knew what Viktor was trying to say. He understood their situation perfectly.

 

\-------

 

Viktor left after an hour and before he went he came to drop Yuuri off to his room. Viktor looked sad and Yuuri hoped it wasn't because of him. He was sad too. He didn't really want Viktor to go. He felt like some part of him was leaving with Viktor and he felt the absence of it. _There was a dull ache in his chest as he watched Viktor turn to go._ Yuuri had to physically force himself to keep his hands steady by his side because he was afraid that otherwise he'd do something stupid like hold Viktor's hand and not let him go. They'd ruin their roughly crafted nascent plan to learn how to be each other's true mates.

 

They had decided to talk and get to know more- though it had to be through phone and the internet. But anything was better than nothing.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 15; 5:40 A.M.

Yuuri woke up to Mari pounding on her door and Vicchan was scared of the entire ruckus. Yuuri blearily opened the door. It was impolite to glare at his big sister but he was seriously considering it. It was not very _polite_ of her to wake him this early too especially when he was supposed to wake up in twenty minutes and do his morning stretches.

 

‘How can you sleep with everything that’s going on?’ She said without any morning greetings.

 

‘What’s happening?’

 

‘Just come out and see for yourself.’ She said and left without further explanation and ignoring his follow-up questions.

 

After making himself a little awake and letting out Vicchan he went towards the kitchen area. He could hear muffled voices of several people and he got confused even more. He was getting the feeling of something being wrong. He saw his mother and sister huddled together at a closed window and peeking out through the curtain.

 

‘What is happening?’ He asked making his way towards his mother and sister. They didn’t say anything but moved out of the way. Yuuri looked at them with confused looks and his sister just jutted her chin towards the window. He removed the curtain from the side mimicking the way he found his mother and sister doing earlier.

 

What he found was confusing at first and then it was just plain weird. The worrying part will come later, though. First he saw three white vans and then several people with camera, mike and other instruments in their hand making Yuuri realize that they were reporters. Yuuri recognized three of them. They are usually present at the skating events. He saw Mr. Marooka there too. Yuuri immediately backed from the window and let the curtain fall from his hands.

 

‘What’s this? What happened?’ He felt like that lately he is the last person to get any information even if it regards him. He felt horribly out of the loop and he did not like it at all.

 

‘They want to talk to you,’ Mari said. ‘They have been here for a while now and they want to talk to you.’

 

‘About what?’ Yuuri almost screeched because as far as he knew he hadn’t done anything that might need reporters to come to his house and talk to him this desperately.

 

‘Viktor. What else could it be?’ Mari said. Immediately, Yuuri was alert. There were several thought running around his mind and none of them were good. Even the Grand Prix was now over and regardless, as far as the world was concerned there was no connection between him and Viktor. He thought that everything regarding that has already settled down already.

 

‘Yuuri, there are pictures.’ Mari said then and winced seeing how Yuuri was panicked upon the realization.

 

Mari asked him to follow her. They went towards her room and she showed him the aforementioned pictures. Yuuri recognized them. The first three were form the restaurant from the hotel where he met Viktor the first time. Three blurry pictures of him and Viktor sitting across the table but their faces were visible. The last two were of the next morning in the hotel lobby where they sat and talked. All the pictures were of the same nature- taken by someone quite far but showed their faces clearly. There was only one thought in his mind that the Universe wasn’t done playing with him. _Viktor too was involved in this now._

It was later when they all were sitting around having breakfast that his father spoke.

 

‘We could ask them to have breakfast and then send them on their way.’ After receiving the puzzling looks from all the family members he explained himself sheepishly. ‘What? We never had so many customers for a long time now and they are all from the big cities so they will be more inclined to try the hot springs too.’

 

‘Dad.’ Mari and Yuuri both whined exasperated simultaneously but they both knew it was true. The issue was not however whether they’d eat or not at their inn. It was how Yuuri can avoid them and go to school and train because Nationals were just a few days away and he couldn’t afford to lose any time hiding from reporters who were just looking for a scoop.

 

In the end he somehow managed to avoid them by sneaking out in the delivery van that was parked in the back side of the inn. He hoped that they will leave him and his family alone by the time he gets back from his day. The thought that Viktor might be going through the same thing hasn’t even entered his mind though.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 16; 05:35 P.M.

**Viktor**

**04:10 P.M.** Are you okay, Yuuri?

 **04:10 P.M.** You don’t have to say anything to them if you don’t want to.

 **04:14 P.M.** I could say anything if you want.

 **04:22 P.M.** Yuuri? I guess you are busy. Reply me when you could. I want to talk to you.

 

Yuuri has been staring at the messages for a while now and Viktor has been sending them a lot since yesterday. He was worried about Yuuri. Yuuri was worried himself because despite him hoping that the reporters will leave him alone after a while it didn’t happen. The reporters were there when he got back from the school and he had to go to Minako’s studio to hide from them and some even reached to the rink too. It was really surprising to Yuuri that anyone hasn’t turned up at the school. Though the attitude of the students in his school hasn’t change much towards him since the start of this whole fiasco so there really wasn’t much surprise for him. In fact, given the way his life has been changing colors so fast lately this constant felt almost relieving to him.

 

He wanted to talk to Viktor because after he got back from Beijing they have been in constant touch, not always but they were talking between the times when they both were free and not sleeping. Their busy days and the different time zones were making it a bit difficult to develop a routine and Yuuri was sure that they’ll eventually settle into one after a while if it hadn’t been this another scandal.

 

Yuuri couldn’t help but feel guilty even if a little bit even though both his family and Viktor had made it clear that it wasn’t his fault at all. But if Yuuri hadn’t gone to Beijing then this all wouldn’t have happened. It could be said that he was looking for reasons to blame himself, as Minako had put it in almost identical words. May be he was, Yuuri couldn’t deny that he never did this.

 

**Me**

**05:40 P.M.** I am not busy.

**Viktor**

**05:42 P.M.** Can I call you?

**Me**

**05:45 P.M.** Yes

 

Yuuri braced himself for the call but still jumped when his phone started vibrating and the screen showed Viktor’s name. This was the first time that they’ll be talking on the phone with each other. A part of Yuuri was angry that he wasn’t allowed to enjoy and celebrate these trivial but still milestones of his relationship.

 

‘Hello.’

_‘Hi, Yuuri. How are you doing?’_

‘I am good…considering. How about you?’ It was not a lie actually and neither the truth.

_‘I am doing well too. Are there many reporters outside your house?’_

‘Not too many.’ At least not as much as there were yesterday because many reporters have left after Yuuri not only didn’t give them interview but also managed to avoid even getting seen.

_‘Hmmm there are a lot here though. So far I’ve avoided them but they just keep coming again and again. Yakov had to ask them to not disturb the skaters but they still won’t budge. They want me to give a statement.’_

 

Viktor didn’t mention anything else but somehow Yuuri was able to understand the implicit question. An official statement meant announcing to the world about their relationship. Yuuri wasn’t ready for it- not the relationship itself, he had realized that he wanted to be close to Viktor but not with the media and the whole skating committee that will come with it inevitably.

 

_‘Yuuri? Do you not want me to? I won’t if you don’t want to. It’s just that there is a lot of pressure on me right now to make any kind of statement.’_

 

Yuuri understood it very much but that understanding did nothing to ease his worry. He was getting panicky now with all this new line of thinking.

‘I understand… it’s just…’

_‘You need some more time?’_

‘Yes.’                                                                              

_‘Okay. Take as much time as you need. Don’t worry about it. These kinds of things always settle down.’_

 

Yuuri hoped so too.

 

_‘So tell me about your day?’_

***

 

Date: Dec 18; 04:10 P.M.

Yuuri had been struggling with the step sequence for his free program today. It is his strongest point but today nothing has been going the right way and he was beginning to get frustrated. He knew that he should stop for a while and get some rest and then may be try on later or he could just focus on something else for today. Nationals were near and he should utilize his time in a smart manner. But there is difference between knowing and doing and Yuuri is nothing but a stubborn fool.

 

It was after another routine where he messed up again that he let out a frustrated and loud curse. He immediately tensed and looked around but thankfully no one else was there. There were two other skaters just a while back but they seemed to have left when Yuuri was busy being too hard on himself. He sighed and then decided to take a breather. He went to sit on one of the benches after putting guards on his skates and took out his phone to check on messages. He had been texting with Viktor a bit too. Viktor had called last night though due to the time difference they couldn’t talk much so they mutually decided to talk through texting. It was also very sparse because they both were busy with their respective nationals approaching fast.

 

‘Are you okay, Yuuri?’

 

The voice startled Yuuri because he was sure that everyone else had already left. He saw Itsuki standing there with her gym bag in her hand and ready to head out. Yuuri was surprised. They’ve had interactions before and were really good acquaintances too but all of their previous interactions were regarding either school or skating except at last year’s nationals when they both snuck out of the banquet hall to get drunk on the roof of the hotel. Yuuri doesn’t remember much of the night except laughing and some hazy details of a plan to sneak into the hotel-pool.

 

‘It’s just you looked really upset just now. Are you okay?’ Itsuki asked and then sat beside Yuuri who was just confused but quickly schooled his expressions. It was not good to stare confusedly at someone who was asking about his well-being.

 

‘Yes,’ He had to cough to clear his throat. ‘It’s just that I am having problem with my step-sequence.’ Yuuri replied then with a smile on his face.

 

‘Hmmm,’ Itsuki mused loudly. ‘You shouldn’t worry about it though. Everyone knows that when it comes to the presentation component no one could beat you. The way you move to the music and express yourself on the ice is unparalleled.’

 

Yuuri was flustered at this. It was not that this was his first time hearing such praise. Several people at several occasions have praised him for the artistic part of his skating. He was getting good at receiving compliments and praises. Maybe it was the way Itsuki said it or the way she was looking at Yuuri that made him feel this way. Itsuki has always made him feel this way but Yuuri never really cared for it much before.

 

‘I am sure that you are even better than Viktor Nikiforov.’ Itsuki said and then looked at Yuuri and Yuuri noticed something akin to anger or hostility in her voice but he wasn’t sure why that could be. Yuuri didn’t reply because never in his mind did he ever think that he was better than Viktor- the Russian prodigy and now someone who was already two times winner of the Grand Prix. _Yuuri hadn’t even been able to qualify for the senior level in Grand Prix and this was his second season._ Sure, he hoped to be better than Viktor but Viktor was already such a big name that every skater would want to be as good as or even better than him.

 

‘I am not sure that’s true.’ He said in the end when Itsuki won’t stop looking at him hoping for a response.

 

‘No, trust me. I have seen bits and pieces of your routine this year and it’s very good, Yuuri.’

 

‘Thank you so much.’ Yuuri said and there was it again- the somewhat uncomfortable feeling at the back of his mind.

 

‘So, is it true then?’ Itsuki asked after a silence of few moments. ‘About you and Viktor being soulmates?’

 

Yuuri thought about ignoring the question but there was no good reason to do that. Combining the first Facebook post and now the pictures it was easy for everyone to figure out what was going on. Even if they didn’t believe that exactly it was still enough to make them realize that there was some connection between them.

 

‘Wow, Yuuri. You are so lucky. Your idol is your soulmate. How amazing is that!’ Itsuki took Yuuri’s silence as affirmation. Yuuri didn’t say anything either in acceptance or in denial _. Somehow both seemed wrong to him._

‘You are so perfect for each other. And despite what the skating fans are saying online I believe that it was Viktor who should feel himself lucky to be with you. You are in no way any lesser than him.’

 

The words were like a bucket of ice-cold water over him. Yuuri was cold all over and his heartbeat started getting higher and higher.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Oh, you didn’t see it. All over the online blogs, forums and social media people are saying that you don’t deserve Viktor.’

 

Yuuri was sure that he had started hyperventilating. This was all his fears come true. All the insecurities and doubts that were present but he had managed to not pay attention were now creating a storm inside his mind.

 

‘Yuuri, you didn’t know?’ Itsuki asked. She looked worried for Yuuri. That was nice of her but Yuuri was in no right mind to appreciate it. He could feel an attack coming up and ideally, he should find some place quiet to calm himself down. He did the opposite and inquired further.

 

‘What are they saying?’

 

Itsuki looked conflicted but Yuuri insisted again. He wanted to know even though he shouldn’t.

 

‘Nothing important really. Just stupid people with nothing to do saying mean and stupid things about people they don’t know. You shouldn’t pay attention to it. I am sorry for even mentioning it.’

 

Yuuri realized that he was making Itsuki uncomfortable who was just trying to be a good friend to him. The first thing he decided to then was thank Itsuki for her concern even when she had no really reason to do that for Yuuri in the first place. Maybe Yuuri should’ve made an effort to get to know her better. We always need our friends.

 

‘Thank you for your concern.’ Yuuri stood up and bowed sincerely. Itsuki stood up too.

 

‘It was really no big deal. Are you okay, though? You look pale?’

 

‘No, I am just tired.’ Yuuri dismissed her hoping that his voice didn’t come out as rushed. ‘I am going to take some rest and then get back to skating.’

 

Itsuki nodded her head and didn’t say anything else but she looked worried. Yuuri turned around and went to the washrooms without looking back once.

 

He was washing his face with cold water when he got a message from his Viktor.

 

**Viktor**

**04:25 P.M.** I just arrived at the rink some twenty minutes ago and Yakov is mad that I am already taking a break

 **04:25 P.M.** But he is always mad so don’t worry. How is your practice?

 

Yuuri didn’t reply.

 

***

Date: Dec 19; 01:20 P.M.

_-wait, who is Yuuri Katsuki again? Never heard of him_

_-Viktor surely deserved better than a nobody skater from Japan for his soulmate_

_-Lol Russian media is having a field day by the way_

_-guys, can we please stop blaming Katsuki. He didn’t write the name himself. It was the system_

_-this is again the proof that the system sucks_

_-Viktor deserved better_

It was all wrong and Yuuri knew very well that he shouldn’t be looking on the internet and try to find out about what people are saying about him but he couldn’t stand not knowing after hearing Itsuki talk about it. There were reactions of all types- good, bad, supportive and plain apathetic and none of them bothered him that much except for the ones that spoke in the same way as his own fears and insecurities did, that he didn’t deserve Viktor. Yuuri had had panic attacks consisting of all these thoughts and perhaps some more already and reading through the comments of strangers was somehow equally daunting even when he knew that it shouldn’t. If his sister or Minako found out about this then they’ll surely be very upset at him but he still kept on scrolling down. It’s like he was trying to punish himself for something that wasn’t even his fault or maybe he was thinking that by going through all of this he was somehow making himself worthy of Viktor.

 

He didn’t really do anything to be worthy of Viktor except existing.

 

_-this whole thing actually makes me wonder if all this ‘soulmates being perfect for each other’ stuff is nothing but a huge pile of crap_

_-buddy, how do you know they aren’t perfect for each other? Stop projecting and being jealous of other people_

_-_

‘Yuuri, Mom wanted to know if you’ll go with Dad to pick up deliveries. Akihito is on leave today,’ Mari said from outside of Yuuri’s room. Vicchan immediately perked up at her voice and started scratching at the door to be let out. Before Yuuri could go and do that Mari opened up the door and started playing with the pup. Yuuri was watching them when suddenly Mari asked him.

 

‘What are you reading on the internet since yesterday,’ she stood up and in a second she was at the desk and Yuuri had to hesitantly shut down the computer but he wasn’t fast enough.

 

‘Stop looking at these things.’ She said in an upset voice. ‘Didn’t your coach ban you from seeing anything about you on the internet?’

 

Yuuri stayed silent because he didn’t have any words to make his sister understand why he was looking at thing that were only making him hurt even more; he barely understood himself.

 

‘Yuuri, there are strangers and they don’t matter,’ Mari said in a much gentler tone which only made Yuuri’s chest hurt even more and he fought to not let the tears spill out of the corner of his eyes. The sting of the things said was not lessened by the fact that they were said by the strangers often using made up names to hide even further but it worsened his anxiety even more. He had spent the last day or so with a huge ball of stress inside his chest weighing him down and it didn’t seem like it was going away anytime soon.

 

‘Yuuri?’

 

‘I am okay, Mari-neechan. Don’t worry.’ He managed to get out without further crumbling. ‘I’ll go with Dad to pick up the deliveries.’ He said and then stood up and picked up his jacket.

 

‘Can you take Vicchan out in a while?’ He asked without looking at his sister as he wore his jacket and looked for his phone which was lost somewhere on his bed since last night as he had refused to answer Viktor’s messages.

 

‘Okay.’ Yuuri heard Mari’s response when he was at the door of his room and then he quickly said goodbye to her but turned back again in order to not look her in the eyes.

 

**Viktor**

**01:05 P.M.** Yuuri, I’m getting worried now please respond

 

Yuuri didn’t respond as he made his way towards his father in the banquet room.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 22; 03:15 P.M.

‘I think that you could add another triple axel at the end just to increase the difficulty level even further. It’s the strongest and you have the stamina to pull it off, don’t you think?’ Coach Takahashi said just as Yuuri made his way towards the barriers.

 

Yuuri was having a particularly rough day and none of the jumps were successful today even the triple axel. He had spent the better part of his lunch break in the bathroom stall of the rink and still his anxiety was still heavy in his guts and refusing to go away. Even crying his eyes out was not helping.

 

‘Okay.’ He said as he drank water.

 

‘Yuuri, you don’t look so well. Do you need to talk to the counselor? Nakamura-sensei is still at her office,’

 

‘I am fine, sensei.’ Yuuri said and tried to give a reassuring smile to his coach to ease his worry. He didn’t want to talk to the counselor today especially when he knew that his anxiety has little to do with the nationals that were in a few days and more about Viktor.

 

‘It’s just that you get nervous around competitions and with everything else going on… the pressure is more this year on you now considering you hold the second rank so it’ll do you good to talk to someone about it.’

 

‘I’ll think about it.’ Yuuri said just as Itsuki and two other skaters entered the rink. Yuuri didn’t want to talk to Itsuki who was now moving towards where Yuuri was standing with Coach Takahashi.

 

‘I am going to practice spins.’ Yuuri said and left before Itsuki could talk to him. He was being rude and dismissive of people and despite knowing it full well he was doing nothing to correct his behavior. It was becoming impossible for him to pay attention to anything else other than the heavy worry settled in his heart.

 

 _Did I do something wrong?_ Viktor sent this message yesterday when Yuuri had ignored all of his attempts to talk. Yuuri wanted to tell Viktor that he didn’t do anything wrong and even if there was something wrong then it wasn’t his fault. Viktor didn’t ask those people to say everything that Yuuri was already thinking and Viktor hasn’t given his assessment about Yuuri that he didn’t deserve Viktor, yet.

 

Yuuri shook his head as to throw away these thoughts before he prepared himself to spin. Despite the unsuccessful day his spins were going well and that cheered Yuuri well. He was now getting even more enthusiastic and wanted to try the jumps. Just when he skated a long way around the rink to get speed for a jump he heard clapping from the sides. Itsuki was clapping enthusiastically where she sat fastening the laces of her skates. When she noticed Yuuri looking at her she grinned and started clapping even louder.

 

‘It is a treat to watch you skate Yuuri.’ She said and stood up and moved towards the rink. Yuuri realized that she was making her way towards him and it was like there was a surge of energy in his veins. He didn’t want to talk to her and he didn’t want to be under her gaze that sometimes makes him really uncomfortable and Yuuri hasn’t been able to understand why.

 

He skated on the other side of the rink and made himself busy. He heard Coach’s voice calling Itsuki’s name and sighed in relief when he realized that she has skated away from him.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 23; 12:20 P.M.

‘Pack this sweater too. It’s freezing.’ His mother said as she folded an oversized brown sweater and put it on the bed where Yuuri was sitting and packing for his journey. He was going to Nagano for the Nationals along with his Coach and two other skaters from Ice Castle, Hasetsu. The sweater was knit by his mother when he turned sixteen and Yuuri was really fond of it so he picked it up. It smelled like the softener that his mother has been using for years now. _It smelled like comfort and security._

‘I’ll wear it during the travel.’ Yuuri said as he put it aside and started putting toiletries-bag. His phone signaled incoming message. It was Viktor.

 

**Viktor**

**12:21 P.M.** safe travels, Yuuri

 

Yuuri looked at the message and felt horribly guilty. After the first two days of sending multiple messages a day all of them asking Yuuri to respond, Viktor was now on one message per day. None of them asked Yuuri for a response. They were just to wish good morning or good night.

 

‘You should reply to him. He is worried about you.’ His mother said non-accusingly and then she looked at Yuuri with nothing but love and kindness. ‘He called me and was really upset and thinking that he had done or said something wrong.’

 

Yuuri has thought about replying to Viktor even if just to let him know that he hadn’t done anything to upset Yuuri but something was always stopping him. He had tried several times but he couldn’t hit the send button. The last few days have nothing but practice and his coach has warned him about over-exertion but Yuuri didn’t care. He was determined to win this year. The last year’s bronze seemed somehow lesser to him now. It didn’t last year and he was in fact, very proud of it. But somehow this year he felt that nothing but a gold medal will make him feel better.

 

_He was not going into the psychology behind it._

 

‘I’ll talk to him after the competition. I can’t get distracted now and he has competition too.’

 

His mother didn’t say anything as she smoothed over the seams of already ironed white shirt that Yuuri was packing to wear at the banquet. Yuuri wanted to tell her not to worry too much about him and that he’ll be okay but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lie to her and at the moment he wasn’t sure if it’ll be alright or not.

 

‘Give him a chance, dear. Vicchan is a good person and he really cares about you.’ She said while carefully putting the shirt in the bag and Yuuri could see the way she was worrying over it as she tried to keep it from getting rumpled or creased.

 

‘I will.’ He promised her. She smiled in return and left to bring him food for his journey. Yuuri’s mother was supportive of his career but she wasn’t very much fond of the fact that he didn’t eat as much during the season. That was also the reason that during off-season it was almost everyday hat she’d cook everything that he likes to eat. Yuuri then has to work harder to lose the weight when the season starts again.

 

**Viktor**

**03:35 P.M.** good luck, Yuuri.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 24; 12:45 P.M.

The other thing that Yuuri didn’t like about the competitions other than the nervousness that came with competing was the amount of attention that he’d get. It was unavoidable, the attention, Yuuri knew that off course but he still couldn’t help but hope that people will focus that attention on someone else. But this year his hopes to not be the center of attention were thoroughly squashed given the series of events that have taken place since his birthday. He rushed to enter the Hotel avoiding the questions of all the reporters; he avoided the pre-match press conference and then politely declined the interview requested by Morooka and now he was avoiding interacting with any fellow skaters during the time leading to the short-program. He was determined to win Gold this season and he couldn’t afford to get distracted. For once, even his anxiety was not that much of a hurdle. It was still very much there and little hard to ignore but Yuuri had managed to not think about the “what-ifs” of the competition.

 

His coach was saying something to him at the barriers before he was to head to the rink to perform his SP but Yuuri’s attention was focused entirely on the elements of his program.

 

‘Yuuri, don’t think too much now. Just go and do your best.’

 

Yuuri glided to the middle of the rink and took position. He tried to chase away all the thoughts telling him negative things and he started his program. His theme this year was “Idols” and when he had chosen this to be his theme he had no idea that life will take him in this direction. When he had first imagined himself skating to this theme he only thought of Viktor. The routines were to show his journey from seeing Viktor skate the first time to Viktor becoming his idol- from the moment he saw Viktor to the point where skating became synonyms with Viktor. His surprise, awe and devotion- all was part of the program. His coach had chosen the music but Yuuri found it perfect to go with the theme and routine.

 

The program went well thought he did end up two-footing his tripe-flip in the second half and he over rotated the toe-loop but everything else was the way he had hoped it to be.

 

After the end of the SP, Yuuri was at the third place with a score of 83.76. He had beaten his previous personal best by two points and Yuuri felt good. His coach was happy too as they once again avoided the crowd of reporters and went straight to the hotel.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 25; 09:45 A.M.

‘Are you really sure that Katsuki is Viktor’s soulmate?’

 

Yuuri heard just as he was entering the locker room at the rink after his practice. He was there to take a bath and then head to the hotel. He didn’t recognize the voices but he recognized the tone- accusing and mocking.

 

‘Didn’t you see the drama on the social media?’ The other person said and Yuuri didn’t know that voice too. There was a voice inside his mind telling him to not listen to this and go away. There wasn’t any scenario where it’ll end with him being not unhappy.

 

‘Yeah, everyone saw it. But man, Katsuki huh? Who’d have thought?’ The first person chuckled and then Yuuri heard the slam of a locker door being shut. The metallic bang made him flinch.

 

‘He has always been obsessed with Viktor too. Guess, you can make anything come true if you obsess with it enough.’ The strangers who were discussing Yuuri behind his back laughed at the joke while Yuuri stood a few feet away losing control of his nerves.

 

‘But man, it still seems like a movie story isn’t it?’

 

Yuuri stopped listening after it and went inside towards his locker and slammed his locker hard when he opened it. The sudden noise was enough to stop the conversation happening inside the room. Yuuri felt someone watching him from behind but he refused to look back and acknowledge the people who were talking behind his back. After a few moments he heard hurried footsteps and muffled voices going away from him and towards the door. After a few moments when Yuuri was sure that he was alone he sat down at the bench nearby and tried to collect his heartbeat. His skin was beginning to feel hot and his palms were getting sweaty. He had enough of these to recognize the signs of a coming attack and he didn’t want to deal with it there- exposed in a place with possibility of surrounded by people like the ones who just left.

 

He picked up his bag and wiped his face with a towel and hurriedly left for the hotel. He needed quiet and alone.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 25; 07:30 P.M.

_‘Can you believe Yuuri Katsuki is Viktor’s soulmate?’_

_‘He doesn’t deserve Viktor.’_

_‘Viktor is so unlucky. The whole system is bad.’_

_‘Viktor even lost the Grand Prix this year. Clearly Katsuki is bad-luck for him.’_

‘Yuuri? Are you listening? They are announcing your name.’

 

Yuuri came out of his thoughts when he felt Coach’s hand on his shoulder. He looked at the coach and wished he hadn’t because the expressions on his face were of intense worry. This day was not going the way Yuuri had hoped to be. He spend hours yesterday being shut in his hotel room and trying to not fall apart. He couldn’t sleep well either and all the while he was awake his mind kept on replaying the comments about him and Viktor.

 

‘Yuuri, don’t worry and just do your best. I believe in you.’

 

With his coach’s confidence in his skating Yuuri glided towards the center of the rink and as he took position he tried to only remember the encouraging words to him by family, Minako-sensei, Yuuko and Nishigori. He tried to forget the pain he felt whenever someone said that he didn’t deserve Viktor. He tried to forget the pain he felt whenever a voice inside _him_ said that he didn’t deserve Viktor.

 

The rest was a blur. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the thoughts that he was trying to chase away which made him falter on the third jump which was a triple salchow which he couldn’t land correctly. The next one turned into a single and then he failed to catch up to the beat of the music. Yuuri knew before he even finished the routine that he wasn’t going to be at the podium.

 

His Coach didn’t show any emotion on their way towards the Kiss and Cry. He just handed over a bottle of water and his jacket to Yuuri and placed his arm around his shoulders as they waited for the scores.

 

‘It wasn’t that bad as you are making it up in your mind, you know.’ Yuuri heard his coach say but the words didn’t matter much to Yuuri. Anything below the podium was bad especially considering he won bronze last year.

 

174.23

 

Total: 257.99

 

Yuuri did end up on the podium. He won bronze. His coach was happy. Morooka was happy. His family was happy. Yuuri wasn’t. He didn’t win gold. He was soulmate of two times Grand Prix and Worlds Championship gold-medalist and Yuuri hasn’t won gold at the nationals. He congratulated Takahiko Kozuka for the gold and Nobunari Oda for the silver.

 

He hadn’t wished Viktor on his birthday. He had thought that he’d do it after the competition when he wins gold.

 

**Viktor**

**09:20 P.M** congratulations for your win Yuuri

**Me**

**09:23 P.M** Happy birthday, Viktor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> 1) The scenes in the second half of the chapter are short and may look messy and repetitive but it's deliberate to show the way Yuuri has been thinking- along the same lines and focusing on negative things. Also to show that Yuuri spent much of the time in his own thoughts and his interactions with other people were short and abrupt.  
> 2) He didn't wish Viktor on his birthday because he thought that he'll do it after he wins gold medal. He thought that it'll make him worthy of Viktor and people will maybe then stop saying all those things about him.  
> 3) Earlier he didn't talk to Viktor because of all those comments and also because he was worried that he may cry infront of Viktor and he didn't want to dump his emotional baggage on Viktor.  
> 4) They'll meet again in the next chapter and I am very excited to write that part of the story but it's still a long and bumpy journey for them before they get to ride into the sunset. So, prepare for the angst because I am not capable of writing a story without giving pain to my favs.
> 
> See you next time then. <3


	5. The Road to Your City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams ended at the start of June and I was like okay now I have all the time to write but then I got bad case of writer's block and nothing came to my mind. But this week the inspiration suddenly came back and surprisingly this chapter was easiest to write and I am really happy with the way It turned out. This chapter also marks the end of the first part of the story and man, am I excited for the next part. I hope you guys are too. I have changed the ratings to mature because there is a masturbation scene in this chapter and honestly I have no idea whether it could be T-rated or not so I have changed the ratings to just be sure.  
> The second scene contains the masturbation scene. There is nothing graphic but still consider yourself warned.
> 
> As usual you may find some errors in it.  
> I don't own Yuri on Ice and it's characters.

Date: Dec 27; 02:15 P.M.

‘…I mean off course, there was pressure to perform well for myself, for my fans and for my home town but I didn’t let it get in my way and instead I turned it around to motivate myself. Plus, Kozuka and Yuuri are great competitors and performing with them on the same ice was also a great motivation.’

 

Yuuri listened to Nobunari Oda talk the competition while mentally rehearsing his own answer to the question: how did you feel after performing/what were you feeling when you were on the ice? His answer was a scripted one and the gist was that he was a bit nervous but also excited to perform well for his hometown and he wants to thanks his fans and people from Hasetsu for supporting him and he hoped that they’ll continue to support him.

 

_‘Yuuri, you turned eighteen this year. Congratulations!’_

 

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri had answers prepared for this type of questions too- the personal ones. His Coach has advised him and he was right considering the recent events. Coach-Takahashi had also promised Yuuri that he’ll see to it that the reporters don’t go overboard with it.

 

_‘And there are rumors that Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov is your soulmate. Is that true?’_

 

And Yuuri had played himself again because he actually thought that somehow he will be spared these questions and that his Coach’s efforts will yield positive results. He believed that people will look at his performance and not look for gossip. It was unfair that Yuuri was the only skater who wasn’t being asked about his performance and that all everyone seemed to wanting to know was _this_. Yuuri looked at his Coach who looked upset as well.

 

_‘Yuuri, why is Viktor not acknowledging you as his soulmate? Is it true that he doesn’t want to initiate the soul-bond with you?’_

_‘Yuuri, what are you going to do now that Viktor didn’t accept you?’_

‘Please, can we keep this limited to the skating only? This is a very private matter and Yuuri doesn’t want to discuss it right now.’

 

Among the chaos of questions that were threatening to carefully tear away mask of nonchalance that Yuuri has donned, he heard his Coach’s voice. Yuuri hadn’t noticed when he came to his side and now was leaning over to speak in the microphone in front of Yuuri. It was also a blessing now that the microphone couldn’t pick up on Yuuri’s labored breathing.

 

_‘But is it true that Viktor has refused to acknowledge his bond with Yuuri?’_

‘Where did you hear that? Did Viktor tell you himself?’ Yuuri heard his own voice- trembling and unsure but strong enough that the reporter was silent in surprise or at the tone, Yuuri didn’t know. She was trying to not look him in the eyes and he could see that she was embarrassed but he was now angry and felt a strong urge to embarrass her even further. But he was saved from doing something which he was sure to regret doing in the very near future. His coach gently nudged him backwards and took upon himself to deal with this.

 

‘You all keep reading these rumors from gossip blogs and then turn them into truths. So it doesn’t matter anyway if it is true or not because you have already accepted it and let me tell you that the real truth is very plain and not at all that dramatic. If Yuuri wants to share this with the media then he will do that and if he decides to not share then I won’t have anyone harassing my student. Is it understood, Mam?’

 

The reporter looked apologetic as she took her seat and now the entire room was covered in a very awkward silence which weighed heavy on Yuuri and he didn’t want to be there anymore.

 

‘Now, if you’d like to know about his bronze-winning performance then you can go ahead otherwise this press conference is over.’ Oda said in a very strong tone and the sincerity behind the words was clear to everyone in the room.

 

‘Yuuri, you have won the bronze second time. What are you feeling now? Excited or somewhat disappointed?’ Morooka asked next.

 

***

 

Date: Dec, 27; 010:40 P.M.

 

Yuuri has never been the kind of person who felt the excessive need to be with someone all the time. He enjoys solace and quiet and sometimes even prefers it to the demanding company of others. Being the one for whom it is difficult to open himself to other and put himself out there also means that eventually he had to learn how to not be lonely when he was alone.

 

But tonight he was feeling lonely and it was in itself was quite a new thing for him and added to this was that he was missing Viktor. It was not comprehensible to him that why he was missing Viktor though. They hadn’t spent more than three hours in each other’s company and apart from the sporadic calls their relationship has been limited to texting only. The calls contained spells of awkward silences where none of them spoke but waited for the other to continue something they were already talking about or start a topic which was new altogether.

 

He was missing Viktor’s touch on his skin even though they’ve never touched. Yuuri wondered what it’d be like to touch Viktor. He wondered if fireworks will burst in the sky upon their first touch like they do in movie sometimes or would it be more like something calm and relaxing that only they’ll be able to feel and the rest of the world will be oblivious to. May be he should’ve asked Yuuko or Mari about their experiences as to prepare himself. He slowly brought his two hands together making a tepee with his fingers and then he brought the palms together. The palms and the pads of his fingers were pressed together with their counterparts. He wondered if Viktor’s hands were bigger than his. They should be because Viktor was taller.

 

He wondered what it’d be like to have Viktor’s hands wandering around on his body. Yuuri traced the pad of his right-hand index finger on his cheeks, his forehead and then he brought it to his lips. He wondered what it’d feel like to kiss Viktor. He closed his eyes and imagined Viktor’s face and he imagined that it was Viktor’s face that he was tracing and it was Viktor’s lips that slowly kissed his finger and slowly took the finger in his mouth. His hand travelled southwards and he slipped it inside his boxer-briefs.

 

There had been many nights when he had imagined Viktor during his arousal but then he’d feel guilty later so Yuuri tried to not imagine Viktor- at least at the start. He felt wrong imagining Viktor in his lewd fantasies because Viktor was his idol and that alone demanded respect and not to be the star of someone’s fantasies as they got themselves off but in the end when the arousal is at its peak and the mind stops looking for logic and just wants to be submerged in the pleasure then Viktor’s image always came to his mind. In fact, almost always it was Viktor that tipped him over to his release. He felt less guilty then even though sometimes his mind tried telling him that there really wasn’t much of a difference.

 

Tonight the thoughts of Viktor and his touches made Yuuri aroused and he didn’t even feel guilty. It has been some time since the last time he pleasured himself so in no time he was panting as he stroked himself. He imagined Viktor in the suit when they first met. He remembered the hotel bedroom and the pillows on the bed. He imagined a naked Viktor on the sheets with his hair all messy and he imagined himself gripping the sheets with his fists as Viktor’s head bobbed between his legs. He imagined Viktor coming up after and kissing his neck as Yuuri’s nostrils then filled with the smell of Viktor’s perfume and sweat. Yuuri imagined bringing Viktor’s neck closer to his mouth to inhale even more of that scent and then biting Viktor right there and this thought had him spilling in his own fist and he had to stop himself from crying out. The strength of his orgasm and the force with which he had to stop himself from screaming Viktor’s name brought tears in his eye. Yuuri opened his eyes and water spilled out from his eyes.

 

Yuuri stayed lying there on the bed as he tried to recollect his breaths. Tonight he didn’t feel guilty. Tonight he didn’t feel that his fantasies were lewd or disrespectful to Viktor. Tonight he didn’t feel ashamed.

 

***

Date: Dec 28; 08:15 P.M

 Yuuri didn’t perform at the exhibition. He hadn’t prepared for it specifically. He could’ve performed any of Viktor’s old routine but given the time and situation he didn’t want to add more fuel to the already blazing rumors. He was in fact more than ready to go home but he was the bronze medal winner and he had to at least show his face. His coach has also said to him that a company that makes sports related products wanted to talk to him about sponsorship. Yuuri was about to graduate high school and then hopefully move outside to a University. He needed money for that- his own money.

 

Itsuki was standing beside him and was talking about something that Yuuri couldn’t remember and he was embarrassed to ask again. So he nodded his head periodically and grunted once or twice. His eyes roamed around the hall but he didn’t make eye contact with anyone.

 

He spotted Coach-Takahashi’s bald head coming towards him and there was another man with him. The other man looked neither too old and neither too young- probably somewhere in his thirties. Yuuri instinctively combed his fingers thorough his hair in case they looked bad but he hadn’t put any gel in them so they refused to behave and fell back on his forehead as soon as the fingers were out. Yuuri sighed and strengthened his posture. Itsuki noticed his actions and followed his eyes.

 

‘Is that the sponsor Coach was talking about earlier?’ She asked but Yuuri couldn’t answer because his Coach and the other man were there. Itsuki politely excused herself after acknowledging their Coach and his company.

 

‘Yuuri, meet Mr. Asahi Yamamoto from Mizuno Corporation.’ Coach Takahashi said.

 

Yuuri greeted Mr. Yamamoto who greeted him back. He didn’t know that the company his Coach was talking about was this big.

 

‘I am a huge fan, Yuuri. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.’ Mr. Yamamoto said with a huge smile on his face and in a polished Tokyo-accent and Yuuri faltered upon hearing that. ‘Your performance was amazing and full of emotions.’

 

‘Thank you.’

 

‘Yuuri, Mr. Yamamoto wanted to talk about sponsoring you.’

 

‘Yes, we at Mizuno believe that Yuuri is a rising start of the skating world and an inspiring athlete for other youngsters. We are very much looking forward to start a partnership with you.’

 

Yuuri looked at his coach for the guidance who nodded his head in reassurance. The deal offered was actually great and the amount offered at sign up was higher than Yuuri had anticipated. The final acknowledge was to be done at Tokyo. Mr. Yamamoto said that he’ll be in contact with Yuuri for further communication. He then made his way towards other skaters.

 

‘It’s a good deal, don’t you think?’ Coach Takahashi asked and Yuuri agreed. He was suddenly feeling high gratitude for his Coach who has been his mentor and moral support in these two years. Coach Takahashi approached Yuuri just after the last competition of his juniors-career. They were an immediate fit and it hadn’t taken much time for him to understand Yuuri’s anxiety and he never judged or tried to become an expert on the issue. He gave Yuuri his space and limited himself to skating only. Yuuri had found out a little after six months after they started their partnership that Minako and Coach Takahashi talked occasionally to discuss Yuuri and what he needed before, after and during his anxiety attacks and even how to recognize them and separate from the usual anxiety. Yuuri felt uncomfortable for a while but then he thought about it or rather Minako smacked the understanding into his head. Now he felt lucky and happy that his Coach never judged or looked down upon Yuuri because of it. He still wasn’t very apt at handling it but he recognized it and did his best to help Yuuri. It was more than what could be hoped from a professional partnership.

 

‘Well, you should mingle with people your age and I’ll go mingle with people my age.’ Coach-Takahashi said and then left Yuuri alone with advice to not do anything irresponsible. Yuuri laughed when his Coach winked amusingly after giving advice to not do anything irresponsible.

 

***

 

Date: Dec, 28; 11:25 P.M.

When Oda invited Yuuri for a private party he had an idea about what it might entail because he had attended it last year too. Alcohol, loud music and skaters and ice-dancers letting loose after a hard fought competition were the basic ingredients of it. Yuuri himself doesn’t remember much from last year’s party because despite vowing to not drink too much he did in fact ended up drinking too much. He didn’t get into much riskier activities except that he vaguely remembers whispering (trying to at least) and giggling and a poorly and unnecessarily planned and executed plan to sneak into the hotel pool because as it turned out that the pool was open to participants for the entire time. Yuuri remembered swimming and laughing with someone. He can’t exactly say who it was or why they were laughing and he doesn’t remember much about what happened after.

 

This year the party wasn’t at the hotel but at a Club. When Yuuri entered into the club he was immediately greeted with loud music which seemed cheery and happy but when Yuuri paid attention to the lyrics he realized that the singer was actually singing about a lover who cheated on her and was vacationing in the tropics with his new partner. Yuuri didn’t understand how the music for it can be so upbeat. But people deal with hard situations in their unique way. Just because Yuuri hides in his room doesn’t mean the entire world does too when something unpleasant happens.

 

He was brought out from his thoughts when someone called out his name. He made his way towards a corner booth where Oda and Kozuka were sitting with some other skaters. Yuuri recognized most of them. They all looked like they were already on the verge of being drunk. When Yuuri reached there they all shouted and cheered with applause and Yuuri squirmed under all the attention. He sat at the corner seat which was made for him when they all moved inwards a bit seating even more pressed together with each other. It was already crowded and Yuuri’s addition made it even more but nobody seemed to complain and soon Yuuri was handed a glass which definitely contained alcohol and Yuuri took a large sip without really thinking further. His neighbor was the silver medalist of Women’s singles ice-dancing competition. She smelled really good in comparison to the general stench of alcohol, sweat and enclosed building.

 

Her name was Misaki and she was wearing a red dress that went up to just above her knees with black leggings. Her hair was untied and she smiled a lot. Yuuri liked her a lot and spent almost all of his time with her. She didn’t ask about Viktor and all the rumors related to Yuuri and Viktor. Soon sometime after their third drink together they went to the dance floor and started dancing. At one point they challenged each other to a dance-off which was less coordinated and more silly.

 

‘Here, drink this.’ Misaki handed him a water bottle when they went back to their booth. It was deserted now except for a couple in the other corner eating each other’s faces. Yuuri avoided looking at them and started drinking the water. The music was still loud and Yuuri couldn’t catch the lyrics and he realized that he couldn’t really pay attention long enough to understand either.

 

‘Hey!’ Misaki had to almost shout because the new song was more noise than music but the rowdy crowd at the dance floor wasn’t perturbed. It was also that the majority of them were grinding against each other so Yuuri doubted they really cared about the quality of music in the first place.

 

‘You want to get out of here?’ Misaki said as she stood up extending her hand towards Yuuri. Yuuri looked at the hand and the flirtatious smile at her face. She looked really beautiful in the club lights and here hair looked almost maroon and suddenly Yuuri grasped the implication behind her words. He realized that all of the time that they had spent together could easily be defined as flirting and leading to something more towards the end of the night. He had no intention of that. He enjoyed the time because not once during the entire night she asked about the rumors and anything related. Yuuri started feeling guilty about leading her on even if unintentionally. He looked at her hand with wide eyes while she waited for a response.

 

She laughed and took back her hand. She sat beside him and wouldn’t stop laughing. Yuuri felt embarrassed and wondered if he had made wrong assumptions.

 

‘Don’t worry, Yuuri. You are not my type.’ Misaki said after her giggling slowed down a bit. ‘Unless you have a vagina, I am not really interested in you.’

 

Yuuri winced in embarrassment and tried to apologize for his assumptions. She waved her hands to dismiss his apology.

 

‘No need. I now realize that my words in fact did imply exactly what you thought.’ They laughed for a moment after. ‘So you want to get out of here and get some fresh air before we call it a night?’

 

Yuuri nodded his head and they made their way towards the exit. He noticed Itsuki with two people- one boy and one girl standing outside the club. He waved towards her when she looked at him. She waved back. Misaki and he crossed the road and took a shortcut through a public park to get to a fast food restaurant. It rained a bit as they were eating. When they went outside it had gotten really chilly due to a cool breeze and the rain. The roads were almost deserted with one or two vehicles every once in a while. They walked alongside the wet road illuminated by the yellow lights and then sat at the city-bus stop bench which was dry due to it being under a shed. They talked about their performance and music. They made friends with a stray dog who after initial hesitation sat beside them on the wet pavement. They named her Angel because her fur was white and she was really gentle. They both were shivering a bit but they waited as the dog ate the biscuits they had brought for her from a nearby grocery store. After sometime the dog ran away towards the sound of other dogs, possibly her friends coming from some distance. They waited for her to come back but she didn’t so they again started walking.

 

Yuuri suggested they run a bit to get warmed up. Misaki grabbed Yuuri’s hand and started running as soon as Yuuri had suggested it. They were both giggling and sweaty in their jackets after they stopped at a passenger bridge. They sat at the railings and watched the city in the distance. The city looked struggling between sleep and trying to stay awake. They both were silent as they watched the lights and the dark beyond the city limits.

 

‘Is he really your soulmate?’ Misaki asked. Yuuri was surprised both at her voice after the long silence and at the question. ‘I am sorry if it’s too intrusive and you really don’t have to answer. It’s just that I turn eighteen next month and I… sorry again.’ She looked really apologetic. Yuuri considered not saying anything but in the end decided to tell her. He realized that he wanted to talk to her. She didn’t look like the type of person to gossip.

 

‘Yes.’ He replied and Misaki looked at him surprised. She really wasn’t expecting that Yuuri would answer. But she didn’t ask further and Yuuri had the choice to not say anything.

 

‘He really is.’

 

Misaki smiled and her eyes shone brightly even in the dim lights.

 

‘Why do you say it like that it’s not a good thing?’ She asked again and Yuuri hadn’t really paid any attention to his voice. He looked at her puzzled.

 

‘It’s just there is a longing in your voice which sounds really sad.’

 

‘I miss him.’ Yuuri said and only after he had said it that he realized what he had said actually. He analyzed his own words in his mind and felt that if he actually acknowledge just how much he wanted to see and talk to Viktor then he might go crazy.

 

‘Then talk to him.’ Misaki said simply. ‘What are you waiting for? I can go hang around by that lamp post and give you some privacy. I think that you are too polite to ask.’ Yuuri laughed and reassured Misaki that it wasn't that.

 

'It's just that...' He paused there. He didn't want to discuss the details of his relationship or as to why he couldn't really call Viktor then. He didn't want to tell her that he and Viktor haven't reached the stage where they are comfortable enough to call each other at odd times.

 

'Call him.' Misaki insisted again.

 

'It has gotten really late.' Yuuri replied.

 

'So?' Misaki questioned him as she didn't understand. ‘Isn't the whole point of being soulmates is that you can be there for each other whenever the need arise. I mean the Universe has allowed you to call him even at the midnight or at four in the morning.'

 

Yuuri understood why she said it. He used to think like that too and he believes that practically everyone in the world who hasn't gotten his mark must believe that. Everyone tends to forget that despite everything, soulmates at the start are really two strangers and just like every other type of relationship they also need time to get closer; to become each other's soulmate in spirit and not just because of the names on each other's wrists. He wished more movies and books showed this side of soulmates too and not just fireworks and electricity. He wished to see the initial awkwardness and misunderstandings and doubts being the part of their journey too so that he could justify his own hesitations.

 

'I'll call him in the morning.' He said in the end. Misaki nodded her head and smiled.

 

They decided to take the taxi to the hotel because the atmosphere was becoming really chilly and they both were shivering. When they reached back to the hotel Yuuri escorted Misaki to her room. Misaki joked about him being a gentleman and Yuuri did his best impression of a Victorian Englishman. They said goodbye at the door of her hotel room.

 

Yuuri returned to his room and it was already after two in the morning. He took a quick warm shower and then went to sleep with a smile on his face.

 

***

 

Date: Dec, 29; 08:30 A.M.

Yuuri was waiting at the station for his train back to home when he heard the commotion. He saw a group of five reporters heading his way with their cameras and microphones in their hands and excitement written all over their faces. His Coach immediately stood up and asked Yuuri and other skaters to stay put and not to look in the direction of the reporters.

 

'Do not interact with them in any way.' He said last before he walked to intercept the group of journalists hurling towards them. Yuuri didn’t really have to put any strain on his ears to listen.

 

_‘Coach-Takahashi what do you have to say about your student Yuuri Katsuki’s affair with the ice dancer Misaki Saito.’_

Yuuri felt his stomach drop to the ground upon hearing that. He became nervous and alert. He sat there on the metal bench with his eyes to the ground and his hands in his lap. He tried to focus his attention on the logo on his luggage which was kept beside his feet. The other skaters also became alert and they all started looking towards the journalists. Yuuri wanted to tell them to not disobey Coach’s orders but he couldn’t speak. He sat there frozen as more and more outrageous and false statements disguised as questions started coming out of the mouths of the journalists.

 

_‘How long have been they together?’_

_‘Is that why Viktor Nikiforov rejected him?’_

_‘Why do you think that Yuuri is doing this? Doesn’t he know how wrong it is? What kind of message is he trying to give the young people who are his fans and consider his as their idol?’_

Yuuri wanted to laugh. And cry. And laugh till he started crying and vice versa. He wanted to stay silent and not acknowledge their obvious lies. He wanted to shout the truth straight into their ears so they won’t have any problem in understanding. He wanted to tell them that Misaki is his friend and nothing more. He wanted to tell them that Misaki is really not interested in him that way. She is gay. He wanted to tell them that what is his relationship with Misaki is none of their concern. He wanted to tell them that there isn’t really anyone out there who sees his as their idol so he isn’t really corrupting anyone. But he just sat there begging his heart to stay calm.

 

‘And I’ve said enough times that the only question either I or my skaters will answer is regarding their skating and nothing else.’ Yuuri heard his Coach say to them.

 

_‘We just want to ask him some simple question and to know what the truth is.’_

‘And I want world peace but we can’t really get everything we want now. I hope you understand. And anyway it’s time for our train so please I request you to not cause any inconvenience to all the commuters who have no idea about any of this.’

 

With that Coach-Takahashi returned to his seat and sat very calmly at the end as to become a shied to all his skaters. The reports stood there for a minute but again they started walking towards them but just then the train came and Coach ordered all his students to mingle within the crowd. Yuuri kept his eyes and ears open. He didn’t want to get ambushed alone.

 

They were successful in avoiding the reporters and they all found their seats. Coach sat with Yuuri while Itsuki and two other students sat on the opposite seats. Yuuri kept his eyes cast downwards and he didn’t speak to anyone. He felt Coach’s hand on his shoulder after a while when the train started moving.

 

‘Don’t worry, Yuuri. They won’t follow us here.’ Coach assured him and Yuuri tried to relax but he couldn’t.

 

‘What happened anyway?’ Itsuki asked and Yuuri kept his silence. He didn’t feel like talking.

 

‘Pictures.’ Akiyoshi told them. He was from Yuuri’s school and two years younger than Yuuri. He competed in the junior section. Yuuri couldn’t remember a time when they have exchanged words containing more than just pleasantries.

 

‘What pictures?’ Yuuri asked. Akiyoshi handed him his phone and it showed a grainy picture of Yuuri and Misaki. But it was not recognizable at all. It was blurry and taken in a low light of the club and more than half of their faces were hidden.

 

‘How can they even say that it’s me?’ He asked.

 

‘Scroll down.’ Akiyoshi said and Yuuri did. He found multiple pictures. Some were from the club and some outside of it. In one photo they were holding hands. It was when they were running at the side of the road to get warm. Two of them were from the restaurant. Yuuri realized that whoever took the photos must have followed them almost everywhere. A sick feeling began to settle in his core that he couldn’t shake off. It wasn’t just violation of privacy anymore. This seemed much more disturbing to him.

 

‘They were posted on a twitter account and from there they spread and then the news channels picked it on.’ Akiyoshi concluded as Yuuri handed him his phone back.

 

‘It’s just wrong. Why can’t some people understand how not okay it is?’ Coach-Takahashi said. Yuuri sat with his back pressed to the backrest and closed his eyes. He stayed in that position for the majority of his travel. No one else spoke either. They all were listening to music and busy with their phone.

 

They reached Saga and then had to wait to change to a train to Hasetsu. Everyone decided to go to the restroom and then eat something. Coach ordered them to not eat anything that was not in their diet plan and everyone groaned but obeyed the order. Yuuri washed his face and then bought a cup of tea. He felt like he won’t be able to keep anything down so he avoided eating. He went back to the waiting area and found Coach-Takahashi sitting alone. Other students hadn’t made it back yet.

 

‘Misaki?’ Coach said after a few moments. Yuuri looked at him startled and found an amusing expression on his face with his eyebrows raised.

 

‘Nothing happened. We were just really wandering around and chasing stray dogs.’ Yuuri said then in what he hoped was a light tone. Coach-Takahashi laughed then.

 

‘I never said anything happened but didn’t I order you to not do anything irresponsible? Chasing around stray dogs in a strange city and that too in the middle of night seems really irresponsible.’ Coach said again with barely concealed amusement as he turned another page of the newspaper that he was reading when Yuuri arrived.

 

‘Sorry.’ Yuuri replied but he couldn’t help but let some of his true feelings creep into his voice.

 

‘Relax, Yuuri. They are just looking for gossip and now you happen to be the hot-topic, unfortunately. Don’t worry. Things will get better.’ Coach said as he folded the newspaper and saw the other skaters heading towards them. Yuuri thanked him again. During the next part of their journey he felt much better. He still didn’t know what’ll greet him in Hasetsu and given his luck he was pretty sure that he’ll find one or two reporters back there too. He also will have to explain these new photos to his family, Minako, Yuuko and Nishigori. He prepared himself to handle those conversations too.

 

***

 

Date: Dec, 30; 12:15 P.M

Yuuri reached home yesterday to a relatively quiet Hasetsu. There were only a few reporters there and they too didn’t particularly seek out him or anyone he knew. They tried to stay hidden but they weren’t that subtle. Mari even invited two of them who were hidden behind the bushes to have lunch in the inn. She even joked with them giving tips on how to hide perfectly. They were embarrassed and Mari enjoyed that very much. In the end when they asked if Yuuri will give them an interview they were very politely turned down and also asked to come for dinner.

 

Their mother said that they shouldn’t really make fun of them this much since they were only doing their job which paid for their livelihoods. Mari and their father disagreed while Yuuri pretended to be tired and decided to go to sleep because he really didn’t want to get into the whole concept of right and wrong. Some of them were still in Hasetsu. Mr. Kino who owns the grocery shop told Yuuri’s father that the community council had decided that they won’t say anything about Yuuri or their family in general and that they supported Yuuri fully. Yuuri’s mother was preparing Katsudon- her specialty to send out to every member’s house. Mari was of the opinion that there is no need for it since it’s their duty to protect other members of the community from this sort of trouble and it shouldn’t require any award for doing their duty. Their mother insisted that it’s not an award but a thank you.

 

Yuuri wanted to talk to Misaki and explain the situation to her and apologize because she didn’t deserve to be dragged into this in the first place. But he didn’t have her number and he doesn’t know if other skaters have it either. He was now looking for her on Facebook. When he logged in however he found out that he already had a message from her.

 

** Misaki Saito **

Hey! So I am assuming that you already know about the whole picture thing and I also know that you are blaming yourself. Yes, there are some reporters outside the rink but don’t worry I don’t care about them. I want you to not care either because it doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid thing and it would die on its own. Take care of yourself and your man.

I really had fun that night and I am really glad that we are friends now. You can come bother me anytime you are in Osaka. I am really looking forward to meeting you again.

 

** Me **

Hi! I really am sorry that you got dragged in this awful situation and I can't thank you enough for your support. I really had fun too and it was really a good night.  
I am taking you up on your offer though and will gladly come bother you. May be we'll have another night like that too. Thank you so much again for being this amazing.

 

 

Yuuri didn’t really want to but he couldn’t help but pay attention to the countless notifications that he had received. He was tagged in photos and comments and his wall was full of photos that he had seen already. He felt really bad despite Misaki saying that she didn’t care. In majority of comments they both were tagged and in quite a few of them Viktor was also tagged. In all of the confusion Yuuri had once again managed to forget that during all this Viktor would get involved too. They hadn’t really talked since Viktor’s birthday and Viktor didn’t contact him after this new drama. What if Viktor believed all these lies about Yuuri and Misaki? Yuuri had no idea about how to approach this subject or would he be creating doubt about it in Viktor’s mind by denying.

 

  * _‘Wait? I didn’t know Katsuki was a player. He always looks so timid?’_
  * _‘They can be friends? Why are we assuming that they are together? Yuuri we support you. Don’t worry about haters.’_
  * _‘Is that why Viktor didn’t say anything about you?’_
  * _‘Lol I was thinking that Viktor was ashamed or something’_
  * _‘Who cares? Why do we care about their personal life? Just look at their performances and leave them be.’_
  * _‘It’s wrong of you if it’s true.’_
  * _‘The whole predestined partner things sucks anyway. Isn’t this against the whole concept of free will or something? Kudos to you Katsuki for giving the finger to the Universe.’_
  * _‘You don’t deserve Viktor anyway. He is a world class skater with originality and you are just a low quality copycat.’_



‘How many times do I have to tell you to not look at these things?’ Mari shouted when she saw Yuuri sitting at his desk and looking at the comments. Yuuri jumped in surprise but something in his expressions must have worried Mari because she then slowly sat down at the floor on her knees in front of Yuuri. She took Yuuri’s hand in hers.

 

‘Yuuri, why are you looking at these things?’ She asked.

 

‘I wasn’t. I was just looking for Misaki to talk to her and explain to her. They were just there on my wall.’ Yuuri said gesturing towards the monitor. Mari stood up then and it didn’t take her long to understand the comments and their content in general.

 

‘Why haven’t you used privacy settings to stop strangers from commenting?’ Yuuri watched as Mari tapped on the keys. ‘There is no need to go online for a while.’ Mari logged out of Yuuri’s account and then switched off other tabs and sure there were other blogs and news sites with similar content. 'Don't look at something that's going to hurt you, Yuuri.' Mari sat at the bed. She was sad Yuuri could tell that.

 

'These are strangers with too much time on their hands and before spewing shit about other people they don't think. Right now you are their target and there is nothing you could do about it.' Mari said as matter of fact and Yuuri looked at her in surprise.

 

'Don't look at me like that. What are your options anyway here? You can go and deny every bullshit they spread about you and some will accept it and some will say that so much denying means that you actually did it. You deny one thing then they'll find another. You can't spend your entire life denying them.

 

'You have a life and you are going to live it and being in public eye means that you'll do some or other thing that someone won't like. You can't please everyone. The sensible thing in my opinion is that you let them make these lies and you live your life. Sooner or later they'll get bored and find another poor bastard to harass and force their morals and their point of views on them.'

 

Yuuri understood what his sister was trying to say. He knew perfectly well all these things but convincing himself was another matter. Even when he didn't want to he ended up believing them and if not entirely then some.

 

'You go to school and skate and be happy with your Viktor and watch his videos to the point of being insufferable.'

 

Yuuri laughed at the suggestion and found that he was holding back tears. Mari smiled slowly too.

 

'You need to stay away from internet for a while. Okay?' Yuuri nodded his head.

 

'C'mon then, the Katsudon is done and we are on the distribution duty. You can even practice your driving skills.'

 

Vicchan shook his tail in happiness when Mari and Yuuri stood up. Their mother suggested bringing him with them in the van. Vicchan loved riding in the van. Yuuri laughed when Vicchan did his best attempts to jump high enough to reach to the van's doors. Yuuri sat him in his lap during their journey around the neighborhood and Vicchan showed his appreciation by licking his face.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 31; 02:30 P.M.

Yuuri came home after a long practice session tired and hungry. He headed straight to the kitchen where his mother had put his food. After eating and showering he went to his room. He hadn’t taken his phone with him to the rink because after talking with Mari yesterday he had switched it off and hadn't bothered to switch on. Not many people had his number but he was still somehow getting text messages from unknown numbers. Mari said that someone from his class must have leaked his number.

 

He decided to switch on his phone just for a bit so he won't miss any important messages and Mr. Yamamoto had also said that he'd contact Yuuri. It was a good sponsorship deal that Yuuri didn't want to miss out because he didn't check his phone.

 

As soon as he switched on his phone notifications started pouring in. The first ones that he noticed were from Viktor. There were several missed calls and texts too and almost all of them asked Yuuri to callback to Viktor. Yuuri himself has been thinking about talking to Viktor but after several days of absolute silence he didn't know how. Without thinking much Yuuri dialed Viktor's number. Viktor picked up on the third ring.

 

_'Hello, Yuuri.'_

 

'Hello.'

 

_'I've been trying to reach you since yesterday. And I couldn't even get in touch with your parents either. I was worried.'_ Viktor said in one breath making Yuuri regret everything that he had done. Not only he but the entire family had decided to go offline for a while. And Yuuri would be lying if he said that he made this decision while thinking about Viktor too.

 

'There is... Things are not good here so I switched off my phone.' Yuuri replied and hoped that it won't look like he was trying to excuse his inconsiderate behavior.

 

_'Are you okay?'_ Viktor asked then.

 

'Yeah, I am good. Don't worry about me. Why were you trying to reach me?'

 

Viktor stayed silent for the next few seconds making Yuuri worried but he didn't prod any further. He wanted Viktor to talk only if he wanted to.

 

_'So you haven't seen it yet?'_ Viktor asked.

 

'Seen what?' If Viktor was talking about the pictures then Yuuri had seen them already and if there was anything new then Yuuri was clueless. He wondered what could have happened to garner that much worry from Viktor.

 

_'Yuuri, please understand that I tried calling you and to talk to you but I couldn't reach you and they didn't give me much choice. I tried to tell you so that you won't find about it from anyone else and especially the internet.’_ Viktor said frantically.

 

‘What happened, Viktor?’ _You are scaring me,_ Yuuri wanted to add.

 

_‘The ISU has been pressuring me for a while and they won’t listen to me…’_ Viktor was now upset and his voice was shaking.

 

‘Viktor, tell me what happened?’ Yuuri cut off Viktor in the middle of the sentence. He tried to be calm.

 

The ISU has been pressuring Viktor to make a statement about his soulmate ever since he turned eighteen but he always managed to avoid them by claiming that since Yuuri was not of age and he didn’t want to do anything that might put him in any type of harm’s way. They had backed off but after the truth about their relationship got leaked they started pressuring again.

 

_'After the photos in Beijing everything got even more complicated. There were rumors that I didn't want you because of my status and some other shit like this. The ISU feared that if their top skater was involved in such controversy that is not good for the reputation of the federation, the sports and the country. Then without my knowledge they scheduled this press conference, Yuuri. Every major news and sports channel was there. They gave me an already prepared statement and I had to say it.'_

                                        

Viktor revealed the name of his soulmate in that press conference- Yuuri Katsuki of Japan. He told them that the reason that Yuuri wasn't there with him was because he was competing in the national figure skating championship in Japan. That after the championship was over Yuuri will come to St. Petersburg to live with Viktor. They will initiate their soul bond and will be of each other's forever. The purpose was to prove to everyone that Viktor believed in the Universe and its truth.

 

_'I know I said that everything will happen according to your wishes and at your pace but you have to understand that I didn't have other choice.'_ Viktor finished while Yuuri sat contemplating his words.

 

_'Yuuri, please talk to me.'_ Viktor whispered.

 

'I don't know what to say.' Yuuri whispered back.

 

_'Are you mad at me?'_

 

No, Yuuri didn't think he was mad. At least not right then. He may get mad in the future or maybe he won't. Yuuri wasn't sure about that either. He couldn’t say that he was upset either too because he wasn’t. He was feeling somewhat down but he couldn’t call it anger or disappointment. It was just reality getting its way yet again despite every wish and desire of his.

 

_'I didn't want to do that but I didn't have any other choice and I really wanted to talk to you before I did that press conference.'_ Viktor kept saying this.

 

'Would you still have done it? If I had said no then what would you have done?' Yuuri asked and he knew that he was being unfair to Viktor. He understood Viktor's position and he knew the influence of ISU on its skaters but he still wanted to know the answer.

 

_'Honestly, yes.'_ Viktor replied.

 

Yuuri already had predicted the answer but it still somewhat hurt.

 

'Then it’s okay, I guess. Your career is important.' Yuuri said already wanting to move on and deal with this accordingly.

 

_'No, Yuuri. You are allowed to be mad at me. You can scream at me if you want.'_

 

Yuuri laughed at that. 'I don't want to scream at you, Viktor. I understand that it would have been very difficult for you to resist the ISU. So...'

 

_'Really?'_ Viktor seemed unconvinced even though Yuuri had spoken very clearly.

 

'Yes.'

 

_'So should I hope to see you soon in St. Petersburg?'_ Viktor asked and Yuuri could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Yuuri tried to imagine what Viktor was doing right then. Whether he was at the rink or at home? Whether he was sitting at one of the benches in the changing room or was he nervously pacing around his apartment that Yuuri had seen pictures of in a magazine? Yuuri thought whether he was imagining Viktor being nervous even when he didn't really have any reason to. He wondered if Viktor's nervousness when talking to Yuuri on the phone and on that day in Beijing in the hotel room was nothing but conjecture of Yuuri's mind and wishful thinking.

 

'Yes.'

 

Yuuri hoped that he will find about it soon enough in St. Petersburg, in Russia.

 

He found the video soon from a blog he has been following since he first discovered Viktor. The blog provides subtitles for the videos of Russian skaters mainly for non-Russian speaking fans. Minako had sent him the link to the original video also. Yuuri saw the expressions on Viktor’s face and the entire time Viktor looked like he was merely tolerating their questions. Yuuri wondered if the situation was different and Yuuri knew and was happy to announce their connection to the world then what expressions would have adorned Viktor’s face. Viktor lives for surprising the audience and he had said that it makes him happy too. But neither the audience was really surprised as it was nothing but confirmation of what they already knew and nor was Viktor looking happy doing this.

 

A guilt started making its way to the surface and Yuuri started feeling like it was another fault of his and somehow he has yet again robbed of Viktor something that he would have really liked to do.

 

***

 

Date: Dec 31; 09:20 P.M.

Yuuri got an email from the Agency which included his Visa and a ticket to St. Petersburg. An official letter was also attached to it which congratulated him on the start of his journey with his soulmate and wish for his and Viktor’s happy future together. It consisted generic words and formal language and was exactly the same as of Mari’s letter. Just the details were changed. Yuuri chuckled drily before printing out the letter and the documents.

 

He had gotten one email from the JSF asking his confirmation to Viktor’s story. Minako had said that she’ll prepare a statement for him to send them back and after its publication Yuuri and Viktor’s relationship will be confirmed and official.

 

Yuuri realized that he was not feeling very excited about it because till just last night he thought that everyone was speculating about his and Misaki’s relationship and now he was officially Viktor’s soulmate. _The Viktor Nikiforov’s soulmate._

 

Minako and Mari entered his room with Vicchan trailing them. They both stopped at the door while Vicchan galloped to Yuuri’s bed and Yuuri picked him up and Vicchan sat in his lap content and happy. Minako handed him a paper and Yuuri unfolded to see its contents. It was the statement for JSF and Yuuri winced slightly at the utterly formal language but he also knew that there was no point in adding anything else to it. Mari picked up the printed ticket from the desk and looked annoyed.

 

‘Is he allowed to do that?’ She asked and she was clearly upset. ‘He can’t just make these decisions without asking or at least telling you.’

 

‘Well, he tried to talk to Yuuri but couldn’t.’ Minako commented while Yuuri continued to pat Vicchan who was now sleepy.

 

‘Sounds like an excuse.’ Mari said while she looked around the room where Yuuri had taken out his jackets and sweaters to pack to take with him to Russia. His mother had been helping him but then she had to go to the inn to manage the late-night patrons. ‘If you are not okay with this you don’t have to do this. You can say so and I’ll see to that Russian man.’ Mari announced with her hands placed on her hips and in a raised voice.

 

Minako and Yuuri looked at her and then at each other and couldn’t stop smiling at Mari’s antics. Yuuri remembered all the times Mari had told off the boys who bullied Yuuri. But Viktor wasn’t a bully and still Mari was ready to fight him like one.

 

‘It’s okay, Mari’ He told her smiling. His smile placated Mari who then sat down at the chair near the desk.

 

‘You know, Yuuri if you want then I could go with you. You don’t have to go alone.’ Minako suggested then and Yuuri got overwhelmed at the thought that how much they all cared for him but it was time for him to be an adult and deal with his things primarily on his own. He knew that he could always rely on if it all became too much for him alone. But he had to start to be independent in some ways.

 

‘If he asks you to do something that you are… you know not…’ Mari struggled with her words which in itself was a very rare occurrence and Yuuri had no idea what she was trying to saying in the first place so he waited for her to finish her thought. Minako apparently was as lost so she too waited without commenting.

 

‘What I am trying to say that if he asks you to do something that you are not comfortable with and don’t like then you don’t have to do it. You are allowed to say no to him and it doesn’t matter that he is your soulmate and the older one in the relationship.’ Mari finished then and coughed awkwardly and wouldn’t meet Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri didn’t get the implication before but then her awkward behavior told him exactly what she meant and Minako barked out a laugh confirming his suspicion. Yuuri turned bright red with embarrassment.

 

‘Oh please. Does it look like Yuuri won’t enjoy being that near to the Russian? Just look at the posters all around us. Trust me. Our Yuuri is not that innocent as we want him to be.’ Minako commented then and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Yuuri refused to fall into the trap and refused to comment on it.

 

‘Won’t you, Yuuri?’ Minako said stretching his name unnaturally long the way she always did when she teased Yuuri. ‘Won’t you like your precious Viktor to climb all over you?’

 

‘Minako-sensei!’ Yuuri shouted then making Vicchan awake and look at Yuuri with disapproval. Yuuri patted his head in apology. Minako laughed evil and now even Mari joined her apparently forgetting all of her previous hesitation.

 

‘Stop teasing him, you two.’ Yuuri’s mother appeared making Yuuri take a relaxed breath. ‘Well, if you want to stay here then help in packing.’ She asked and Mari suddenly remembered a chore that she had very conveniently forgotten while Minako remembered a friend of hers that was at the inn drinking sake. They both started walking out but ruffled Yuuri’s hair before they left.

 

‘Are these all your jackets?’ His mother asked and Yuuri said yes. ‘I thought you had more.’

 

She started folding the sweaters neatly and then placing them together. Yuuri was trying to keep his luggage light and so he was adamant on not taking many clothes with him. He had actually no idea about the duration of his stay but he couldn’t stay long after his school vacations were over. The ticket was one way and Viktor didn’t say anything about it either. Yuuri decided to talk about these things face to face to avoid miscommunications.

 

‘You can buy new jackets in Tokyo before you leave. It’ll be easier and you’ll have lots of options too.’ His mother suggested as she looked disapprovingly at the rather small pile of clothes made to be packed.

 

‘How are you feeling?’ She asked then sitting by Yuuri on the bed. Yuuri looked at her and saw that she looked sad.

 

‘I am okay, mom.’ He answered.

 

‘I know but this is the first time that you are travelling to another country.’

 

‘I’ve travelled to other countries before when I was competing as a junior.’

 

‘But that was just for the competition.’ She said exasperated. ‘This time you’ll be living there and with your soulmate. Pretty soon you’ll stay with him permanently and then I won’t get to see you for so long. Vicchan is a very nice person and you’ll both love each other very much.’ Her voice broke at the end and with that Yuuri’s heart broke too.

 

‘I don’t think that you’ll have to worry about this yet.’ He said hoping to console her.

 

‘Don’t take too much time to start that wonderful chapter of your life, Yuuri. Take your time but only to understand Vicchan and build your relationship.’

 

Yuuri promised her of that. He promised that he’ll try. He promised that he won’t hide his desires.

 

***

 

Date: Jan 03, 01:45 A.M.

Yuuri reached to St. Petersburg after a grueling journey from Hasetsu to Tokyo and then from Tokyo to Russia. He was beyond tired and exhausted in every sense of the word perhaps. The last two days had gone in what felt like mere hours because he spent them packing, and saying goodbye to everyone. He went to his school to get leave permission and the curriculum for the next semester. He won’t be able to attend classes for a while but he could always try to study on his own and with help from his teachers and some of his classmates who were actually willing to help him. He almost cried when he said goodbye to Vicchan who kept on licking his face.

 

Despite his protests Minako had accompanied him to Tokyo where he had to go to the JSF head office to sign some documents (they were worried that Yuuri might change his team because his soulmate was Russian) and then to the Tokyo office of Mizuno where Mr. Yamamoto met him and Yuuri signed a two-year contract that could be extended further. Minako then took Yuuri shopping which Yuuri suspected was his mother’s plan.

 

Viktor called Yuuri and said that he’ll come to pick Yuuri up at the airport. Yuuri wanted to refuse but in the end he didn’t because his plane was going to land after midnight and he didn’t want to navigate in a strange country where he didn’t speak the language and that too on a January night with a hundred percent chances of snowfall. Viktor said that he didn’t mind.

 

Viktor wasn’t hard to find. Even if this wasn’t the first time of him seeing Viktor in real life he still got stunned by how attractive Viktor looked. No one should look this attractive with that much layers on and Yuuri had no idea why Viktor was wearing sunglasses indoor and at night. Yuuri’s mind which was sluggish got immediately alert and his heart started beating nervously as he looked at Viktor. Viktor saw him too almost at the same time. While Yuuri stopped walking, Viktor started walking in his direction with a huge smile on his face. Yuuri remembered walking after a few moments. Yuuri was wearing his giant beige jacket, beanie and a medical mask was covering almost his entire face but Viktor still recognized him.

 

They met in the middle.

 

‘Yuuri!’ Viktor said and his smile was so beautiful that Yuuri was having hard time concentrating on anything else and the fact that he was sleep deprived didn’t help at all.

 

‘Hello.’ Yuuri replied.

 

‘Welcome to Russia.’ Viktor exclaimed dramatically making Yuuri laugh. They made their way out of the airport with a small ongoing debate on who should take the luggage. There was no way that Yuuri was going to let Viktor take his luggage.

 

‘But you are already tired, Yuuri and I am well rested. You see, I took a nap before I came to get you.’ Viktor said. But Yuuri still politely refused. And Viktor let it go even if he looked like that he didn’t want to. Soon they were inside the taxi and off to Viktor’s apartment. Viktor was happily chatting and describing about the city and some important tourist sites as their taxi drove into the night. Yuuri tried to pay attention but he was getting overwhelmed. Viktor kept on talking as if even the silence of one minute was unbearable. Yuuri smiled and nodded where he thought he should but after a while Viktor started becoming silent too.

 

‘I am sorry. I know you are tired and yet I keep on talking and talking.’ Viktor apologized and Yuuri started feeling bad. This was not going at all how he had hoped that it would go.

 

‘It’s okay, Viktor. I don’t mind. I am just really tired.’ And as if on cue Yuuri yawned. Viktor looked at him for a bit and then smiled.

 

‘You are right. You need rest and I can talk about St. Petersburg and its history after you’ve had your rest.’

 

They reached to Viktor’s apartment building and when Yuuri got out he got immediately reminded of the cold. It was snowing and all he could see was white snow under the street lights. Viktor’s building looked old and well built. The entrance gate was stunning and huge and Yuuri found himself admiring it when Viktor turned around after paying the fare. Yuuri came out of his thoughts when the taxi drove off and Viktor called his name. Viktor asked if he was okay and this was the third time that Viktor had asked. Yuuri wondered if Viktor was looking at his face the entire time that he asked this question at the slightest expressions of Yuuri that suggested distress. Yuuri assured Viktor that he was fine. He told him that he was merely admiring the building which led Viktor telling him about the history of the building as they went outside (Viktor took Yuuri’s luggage and started walking before Yuuri could say otherwise). Viktor realized that he has been talking the entire time when they were inside the elevator and he apologized again and rubbed his glove-clad hand on his neck. Yuuri found this entirely adorable and if he wasn’t this sleep deprived then he wouldn’t have allowed himself for thinking like this.

 

‘Here we are.’ Viktor said as he opened the door and Yuuri followed Viktor into his apartment and was greeted by delicious heat which made Yuuri almost sigh in pleasure. The second thing Yuuri noticed was how beautiful and modern everything looked. Yuuri had seen the pictures of this apartment in a magazine once and upon first instance it didn’t look exactly the same. But it was huge, open and spacious with big windows and neatly decorated. Everything looked so beautifully organized that Yuuri got self-conscious standing there. They removed their shoes and Viktor asked for Yuuri’s jacket.

 

‘It is very beautiful.’ He said and Viktor smiled.

 

‘Thank you. I cleaned a bit this evening...’ Viktor was saying but was interrupted by a loud bark followed by scratching sounds.

 

‘Oh, that’s my dog, Makkachin. She must have heard our voices and woke. I put her in the bedroom before I left.’ Viktor told. Yuuri remembered Makkachin and Viktor must have recognized his excitement because he asked if he wanted to meet her.

 

‘Yes, if it isn’t too much trouble.’ Yuuri replied.

 

‘Yuuri, you are going to be living here and it is imperative that you become friends with Makka.’ Viktor smiled and then went towards a door which Yuuri assumed was his bedroom. Yuuri followed him but stopped when he reached to the couch in the middle of the room. He looked around and saw a bookshelf overflowing with books and the kitchen- modern and sleek looking.

 

Just when he was admiring the kitchen he heard Viktor’s panicked voice. He recognized the name Makka. Yuuri had just turned around to look when he got tackled by a brown poodle that was now licking all over his face. Yuuri laughed because it tickled and also his face was now all wet.

 

‘Makka.’ He heard Viktor’s voice again as he tried to sit and get hold of the poodle thumping her tail in excitement.

 

‘Hello, Makkachin.’ Yuuri patted the dog when he sat up and the dog again licked his face.

 

‘She is generally well behaved. I don’t know what happened to her.’ Viktor said who was now near them and extended his glove-clad hand to Yuuri. Yuuri took Viktor’s hand and stood up. Yuuri allowed himself one second to feel the texture of the glove but he let go of Viktor’s hand as soon as he was up. Viktor was now in just a gray sweater and his neck was exposed. Yuuri flushed when he remembered his fantasy in the hotel room in Nagano. He averted his eyes and hoped that his face wasn’t red as he was worrying it was.

 

‘Oh, right. Come, I’ll show you your room then.’ Viktor said and turned around. He picked up Yuuri’s luggage again and started walking towards the rooms. Makkachin trailed Viktor and then Yuuri willed his feet to move too. Viktor opened the door to another room adjacent to the room from where Makka had emerged earlier. The room’s interior matched with the rest of the house. Gray paint, a big window and minimal decoration.

 

‘This is the guest room and I’ve prepared this for you. Do you like it?’ Viktor asked.

 

‘Yes. It is very nice.’ Yuuri said awkwardly and suddenly found his English vocabulary insufficient but Viktor looked pleased so maybe it wasn’t that bad.

 

‘I’ve put everything that you might need in the bathroom and if you need anything then you know where my room is.’ Viktor said and then started walking out of the door. He called for Makkachin who was happily sitting near Yuuri’s feet. Makkachin ran towards Viktor.

 

‘I am really glad that you are here. I really want to get to know you better.’ Viktor said then while Yuuri couldn’t do anything but nod. ‘I’ll let you be then. I am just outside for a while if you need anything.’ Viktor said and then quietly shut the door to what was now Yuuri’s room for the time.

 

Yuuri looked around the room and decided that the best way to not get overwhelmed yet again is to keep busy. He texted Mari to tell her that he had reached safely to Viktor’s house and then decided to take a shower and go to sleep immediately after. It took him some minutes to figure out the shower and the hot water worked like a balm on his tired and aching muscles. He was sitting at the bed and drying his hair with the towel when he heard some noise from outside. He opened the door slightly to look and found Viktor and Makkachin on the couch. Makkachin was lying on Viktor’s lap while Viktor was reading a book. They looked like they were in their own world where Yuuri would be nothing but an outsider. He had an urge to go and sit with them -to perhaps feel Makkachin’s soft fur and look at Viktor and memorize the details of his face.

 

Viktor’s back was to him and he looked really engrossed in the book. Yuuri shut the door again and decided to sleep. He didn’t know why but a single tear rolled down his cheek as he switched off the light and got into the bed under the covers. The bed was comfortable and soon it was warm enough that he forgot all about it when sleep came to him.


	6. You Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Viktor get closer and there is some tension between Viktor and Yakov. They also seem to have a stalker who keeps on taking their pictures. Drunk Yuuri makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know I took a long time in updating this but I was busy preparing for a competitive exam and after the exam I was anxious for the results so I couldn't write. But now I've passed the first stage of the exam and now I am a bit relaxed so I decided to write.
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter. They encouraged me to write this chapter whenever I was losing motivation.
> 
> This chapter is my favourite one yet. I hope you like the relationship development here. It is still kind of slow burn but them being literal soulmates and having a cosmic connection- I might've jumped things a bit. Hope, you don't mind. Lol.  
> Enjoy!

Date: Jan 03; 9:20 A.M.

Yuuri woke up disoriented and confused with his surroundings and in the fog of being somewhere between waking up and sleep he noticed that the usual noisy activities of the inn acting as white noise or background were absent. In its place there was a quiet that he was not very used too. The bed also felt different and when he opened his eyes everything was different and that really clued him in that he was not at home. It took him five seconds to remember where he was and that urged him into instant alertness. He strained his ears to listen to any sound coming from outside the door but everything was quiet. Yuuri got up and made his way to the door. The floor was warm beneath his feet something that he hasn't noticed last night. He put his ear to the door trying to listen but nothing reached to him. He went to the window and removed the curtain a bit to look outside. A neighborhood covered in snow greeted him. Piles of snow were gathered at the side of the road. Almost all the buildings looked like they were built in the same time period and they looked old. He didn't see more than a few people and more than a few cars on the road. The whole atmosphere seemed solemn to him and reminded him of grey rainy days of Hasetsu when the rain won't stop for hours on end falling at a constant rate and will cover the town in a lazy slumber but this looked more gloomy than sleepy. Somehow the morning light made the city appear even lonelier than it looked last night because in the grey morning light of the sun hidden in the mist, Yuuri saw the city covered in a sliver blanket and isolated from the rest of the world. Perhaps it was Yuuri himself that was feeling lonely.

 

He picked up his phone from the bedside table and realized that he should've plugged it in to charge. Just as he had expected, it was off. He plugged it on to charge and then made his way towards the bathroom. He opened the tap and the water came with a whooshing sound and Yuuri almost slipped on the floor in his attempts to shut it off and not make any noise and disturb the silence. He realized that he had been doing it since he woke up- not making any noise and in fact being very cautious about it. He was behaving like a thief and he had no idea why he was doing it. He didn't want Viktor to realize that he was awake but it didn’t make any sense to him as to why he was doing this.

 

After brushing his teeth and freshening up he went, again on too quiet steps, to check his phone. He had two missed calls from Mari and one text message from Viktor.

 

Viktor

Good morning, Yuuri. I think you are still asleep because I knocked on the door earlier. I have to go meet my Coach but I'll be back shortly. Breakfast is in the kitchen. Sorry for not being here but I've already tempted the fate enough when it comes to Yakov.

Call me if you need anything or if you want me to come back. See you.

 

_So that explained the almost pin-drop silence in the apartment._ Deciding not to dwell on the emotions arising in his heart- Yuuri called Mari and she handed the phone to their mother after asking how Yuuri was doing.

 

'Where is Vicchan, Yuuri?' His mother asked after three questions about Yuuri's wellbeing.

 

'Oh, he is out...' Yuuri felt awkward replying to this. He couldn't decide whether to tell the truth or not. He didn't know what his mother will think of Viktor or if she’d feel sorry for Yuuri. _Was he feeling sorry for himself?_ The need to defend Viktor was also there and it was strong enough to make him pause and think.

 

'He has to go to practice… his competition is near.' He told in the end. His mother made an agreeing sound.

'Have you eaten, dear?' His mother asked and Yuuri felt his throat closing down and he swallowed to breathe easily.

 

'No. I woke up just a while ago but Viktor made me breakfast so don't worry.' Yuuri told his mother and hoped that she won't worry more.

 

They said goodbye after some time and Yuuri went outside the room towards the kitchen. He drank a glass of water. There was a note posted on the freeze.

 

_There are eggs too in the freeze and also bread and frozen waffles. There is green tea in the cupboard with a green post-it stuck on it. Again I am sorry that I couldn’t be here._

Viktor had signed the note with his name in Russian, probably due to habit and Yuuri knew how Viktor’s name was written in Russian. Yuuri carefully put the note in his pocket and found the green tea. He found the kettle and put the water to boil. He didn’t know much about cooking but he could make a decent omelet and nobody could ruin toast. He heard her coming before Makkachin could tackle him down again. She was excited and looked very happy to see him with her tail wagging furiously and her attempts to climb in Yuuri’s lap. Yuuri had to put in a bit of effort in not falling on his back before she settled down. He sat and petted her on the head. She sat there then near his feet with her tail thumping on the floor lazily.

 

Despite not having eaten anything the night before Yuuri still didn’t feel much hungry. So he skipped eggs and decided to have a cup of tea and one toast. Makkachin stayed with him in the kitchen and then later followed him to the hall. Viktor’s house looked even neater and tastily decorated in the morning light. There was a bookshelf almost overflowing with books. Yuuri has never been a reader per se. His reading list included books assigned by teachers and some comics. But in comparison Viktor was an avid reader, this Yuuri knew. Most books were in Russian but there was a significant number of English and French books were there too. Yuuri didn’t recognize the titles of more than a few of them.

 

He sat at the couch where he saw Viktor sitting last night and sat in the same position. Makkachin immediately joined him and put her head in his lap. Yuuri missed Vicchan even more as he ran his fingers through Makkachin’s soft and warm fur. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his future- in this home with Viktor and surprisingly found himself longing for it. But the more he thought about it the more he grew anxious and the more he started feeling jittery. Even Makka was looking at him in concern. To fight the anxiousness and all those thought- he knew only one way: dance. Yuuri stood up and left Makka sitting on the couch tracing his movements with her concern filled eyes. Yuuri did a few stretches and light cardio to warm up and then he started dancing.

 

It was a specific choreography that he was practicing. It was made by taking bits and pieces of Minako’s choreography from her old professional dancing days and rest was prepared by her especially for him. Minako had called it “Battles of Yuuri” _jokingly_ which he at the time thought was pretentious but then realized that the name actually suited the piece. He had danced it every time when he was battling with a special kind of demon- his anxiety, the fear of loss at his last GPF as a junior, before his first Nationals as a senior, at the time when he found out that his parents were going through a rough time at the inn and that was taking a toll on their relationship to name a few. This choreography has been his expression. But at this time he had no idea what was it that he was fighting with. Maybe it was that he was away from home or maybe that he was alone in a strange city and in a strange home (it didn’t matter if he had seen pictures of it before) or maybe the biggest reason of them all: Viktor left him alone. He argued that he had to practice and he couldn’t afford missing practice this close to the Nationals and the Europeans championships. But all the logics and reasons were falling short to give him consolation and the more he danced the more he fell into this spiral. He let himself get lose in the movements and the music that he was playing in his head.

 

Yuuri was out of breath when he finally decided to stop. He was heaving and sweating. He leaned forward and put his palms on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Then as he opened his eyes he noticed that Makka wasn’t sitting at the couch like before and his eyes went searching her around when he found her at last near the front door. She was with Viktor. He was sitting with his knees on the floor and his one hand was on Makka’s head. Viktor was staring at Yuuri. Yuuri felt embarrassment trickle down on his cheeks and making his already heated cheeks even redder.

 

Viktor won’t stop staring and Yuuri realized how horrible he must’ve looked- sweaty, in old night clothes, flushed and breathing heavily where Viktor looked… oh, he looked so handsome in a blue coat and a scarf around his neck and gloves. Viktor then abruptly stood up breaking the eye contact and Yuuri realized that he was staring too.

 

‘I am sorry… I didn’t mean to disturb you.’ Viktor said then he turned around to take off his scarf and coat. This gave Yuuri a chance to make himself look somewhat more presentable which was impossible considering that he had no towel or anything of that sort. He hastily wiped his face on his arm. The t-shirt he was wearing was already soaked so it didn’t help much.

 

‘Good morning.’ Viktor said then smiling and Yuuri took a second to enjoy Viktor’s voice along with his beautiful face.

 

‘I am sorry I couldn’t be here when you woke up but I had to see Yakov.’

 

‘That’s okay.’ Yuuri mumbled out in reply and then cringed at the way his voice sounded.

 

‘Have you had your breakfast yet? It’s kind of late.’ Viktor asked.

 

‘I didn’t feel like eating.’ Yuuri replied and Viktor’s face immediately twisted into worried.

 

‘You don’t like eggs? Oh god, I am so sorry. I just assumed that you liked eggs and didn’t even consider asking you. You must be thinking how horrible of a person I am. I can make you something else or we could go out to eat outside.’

 

Yuuri realized that he liked Viktor’s rambling and Viktor was adorable like this. Then he paid attention to Viktor’s words.

 

‘No, it’s not that. I mean I like eggs. I just didn’t feel like eating anything but I ate a piece of toast. So…’ Yuuri replied hoping to quell Viktor’s worry.

 

‘Is everything okay? Are you sick?’ It turned out he just increased Viktor’s worry because now Viktor looked upset and Yuuri could see the lines on his forehead more prominently as Viktor came closer to him which made Yuuri conscious of how he looked or _oh god,_ smelled because he has been dancing and then he was so tired last night that he didn’t take a bath before going to bed. Yuuri stepped back as Viktor drew closer and Viktor noticed that and he stopped.

 

‘I am okay.’

 

‘You didn’t eat last night too and then this morning so I just got worried.’

 

‘It’s nothing like that.’ Yuuri replied feeling utterly awful because here was Viktor being so sweet and caring and there was no doubt that Yuuri was coming across as nothing but rude.

 

‘Would you have lunch with me then? You tell me what do you want to eat and if I can cook it then we’ll eat here otherwise we’ll go to a restaurant. There are very good restaurants in the area and all type of good quality food is available.’ Viktor was not making it easier for Yuuri to not feel guilty over his behavior and now he was offering to spend money just so Yuuri could eat. Yuuri cursed mentally.

 

‘It’s okay.’ Yuuri said. ‘You don’t have to take any more trouble because of me.’

 

‘It’s not trouble for me, Yuuri and besides, you are my responsibility.’

 

‘What? What do you mean?’ Yuuri was going to set a new record on mumbling today. But he was not Viktor’s responsibility.

 

‘I mean I am your soulmate and you are here in my house so it is my responsibility to make sure you eat.’ Viktor laughed softly at the end. ‘It is my responsibility that you don’t go hungry here otherwise your mother will never forgive me.’

 

His mother’s mention was enough to make Yuuri even more overwhelmed than that he was feeling at that point. He just nodded his head and hoping Viktor will take it as the answer he was expecting.

 

‘Is it your original choreography?’ Viktor asked then and Yuuri realized that he was dancing and Viktor must’ve seen him and today he was not paying enough attention to the details and technicalities and he was  lost to the point of not even remembering to pay attention to what his limbs were doing. _Was it possible to die of embarrassment?_ Viktor brought him out of his mortification again.

 

‘You dance really beautiful, Yuuri. I had no idea but then it’s my fault for assuming because you’ve mentioned to me how long you’ve trained for.’

 

‘Yes, I mean no… some of the old routines of my teacher and some she prepared specifically for me…’ Yuuri was not sure if it was possible to make a fool of himself even more. He glanced at Viktor who was already looking at him and Yuuri squirmed internally under the intense gaze. Viktor cleared his throat then and Yuuri watched him go towards the kitchen.

 

‘Would you like chicken or fish?’ Viktor asked.

 

In the end they decided at chicken. While Yuuri took a shower Viktor prepared food. Viktor looked so pleased when Yuuri took his first bite of the food and Yuuri was surprised to learn that Viktor’s cooking skills were simply amazing- something Yuuri didn’t know as it was not a public knowledge.

 

‘I’ve been cooking since my junior days so it’s not a big deal and it’s due to lot of practice more and not because of sheer talent or anything. In the start I almost burned down the kitchen and was banned to cook again for a while.’ Viktor told while Yuuri pondered over the kind of absurd claim that being an amazing cook while simultaneously being the world champion in skating wasn’t a big deal. Yuuri knew a little about coking only because he helped his mother sometimes but he was nowhere near as good as Viktor.

 

During the course of the meal Yuuri found himself getting lost in the moment and distracted many times and he couldn’t help but feel a little giddy whenever Viktor said his name to gain his attention back like Yuuri was someone important to Viktor and not just a stranger that he was obliged to invite into his home due to the mysterious nature of soulmate system. _And by god, is Viktor distracting?_ His face, hair, smile, and his voice everything is enough on its own to make Yuuri forget about everything and just sit there lost.

 

***

 

Date: Jan 4; 12:20 P.M.

The one thing that Yuuri has known about Viktor that he is a great speaker. During press conferences and interviews he is able to charm everyone and also put his thoughts very eloquently and all the while maintaining a professional attitude too. What Yuuri has learned in his short stay at Viktor’s home is that when he gets excited his reactions are just like that of a child at things for example if Makka wants to play or there is something on the TV that he likes very much or if Yuuri says anything- like literally anything then Viktor’s face would lit up bright.

 

Yuuri could admit that he hadn’t said much but he could also admit that what he says is not always worth getting excited for but Viktor does it every time. He’d smile so wide and his eyes would sort of sparkle and then when Yuuri tries to downplay the moment a bit because it was not that great of a moment in the first place then Viktor will visibly deflate and Yuuri would feel horrible. This particular thing has happened many times in just a day and half.

 

So Yuuri was trying not being like this and make Viktor lose his charm but he couldn’t help especially after Viktor said that he wanted to take Yuuri shopping. Yuuri argued that he had brought enough clothes with him and enough jackets and coat too so there was no need to do that. That’s when Viktor specifies things a bit.

 

‘You’ll need a suit too.’

 

Yuuri had no idea why he’ll need a suit. So he asked Viktor who just simply said: For when you attend the banquet with me.

 

'What banquet?'

 

'After the Russian Nationals in Saransk.' Viktor shrugged and then proceeded to scratch behind Makka's ears who had her head perched on Viktor's lap on the sofa, between Yuuri and Viktor.

 

'You are coming with me. Right?' Viktor asked then. And see, the problem is that they've never discussed it so it seemed to Yuuri that Viktor just decided that on his own and proceeded to tell Yuuri.

 

'I forgot to mention it to you before but as you know the nationals are a few days away and I would like if you came with me to support me.'

 

And there it were- the face, the smile, the voice all teamed up to render Yuuri's logical reasoning and thinking to a stop and then take a completely different direction altogether. Yuuri wanted to go to the competition. He just never thought about it before and it made sense actually because if Viktor goes anywhere that means Yuuri would be alone in a strange country and he didn't want that. He wanted to be with Viktor as much as possible and he also really wanted to see Viktor compete, so much.

 

'Yes, I want to go.' He said and instantly Viktor's expressions lit up. Sometimes it really was that easy for Yuuri to make Viktor light up but equally easier to deflate Viktor’s mood too. Yuuri had acquired this information in very short time and it was doing things to him.

 

‘We’ll leave tomorrow evening so I was thinking we could go shopping this evening because tomorrow we won’t have much time. Yakov wants me to practice tomorrow. So you should start packing accordingly.’ Viktor said and Yuuri sat there mulling over his words. Going with Viktor meant there will be press and reporters and fans and all of them will see Yuuri with Viktor, they will form their opinions on it and then they’ll express those opinions. Now, Yuuri has learned to control his tendencies to look for harsh words directed at him to an extent but he’d still have to make more efforts.

 

‘Do I have to say anything?’ He asked in the end and Viktor didn’t seem to understand what he meant.

 

‘To the press.’ Yuuri added.

 

‘No, not at all. You won’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with. I promise, Yuuri.’ Viktor looked determined and Yuuri appreciated it. It’s not like he was looking very much forward to it anyway and it’s actually a relief.

 

Viktor is Russia’s darling and they _are_ in Russia and Yuuri knows that not all of the fans like Yuuri that much so Yuuri’s plan is to stay quietly by Viktor’s side and not draw too much attention to himself. He can’t actually stop people to look at him or click pictures but he’ll try his best to not let them find any more reasons to say as to why he doesn’t deserve Viktor.

 

***

 

Date: Jan, 5; 08:30 P.M.

Yuuri has seen Viktor compete live only once and off course, he has seen him countless times on TV but this was the first time he was seeing Viktor practice- without costumes and Viktor looked as effortless as he does always. Viktor had mentioned to him during their flight that he isn’t that worried about the nationals and why should he. He is the five time winner already and still nobody looks even close to him.

 

Yuuri had met Viktor’s rink-mate, Georgi and he is the best after Viktor who is far ahead of him. Yuuri also met Coach Yakov before their flight and he was as intimidating and stoic as Yuuri had imagined him to be. He gave Yuuri one head- node and that was it. Something tells Yuuri that he might not be a big fan of Yuuri.

 

Viktor had asked Yuuri this morning if he wanted to come with him to the rink for his practice session and as much as Yuuri wanted to see Viktor’s home-rink and also to probably skate on it (Viktor said that he could if he wanted to) because Yuuri missed skating but he declined. The reasons he gave to Viktor were that he didn’t bring his skates with him and also that he hadn’t packed yet. Viktor said that he understood like he has been saying after every time Yuuri decline his invitations to go see the city or the river or to try that new restaurant. It’s not very easy to turn down every offer because Viktor is very persistent and Yuuri feels like crap even if he completely justified his refusal to himself. But after meeting Coach Yakov Yuuri was sure that it was a right decision because no Coach would take lightly to an outsider coming to his rink and distract his star skater.

 

But when Viktor said after arriving at the hotel room (which they were sharing because bookings were done long before Yuuri’s decision to come to Russia and now there was no vacancy) that he wanted to practice for a while and then get something to eat and he’d like if Yuuri accompanied him- Yuuri couldn’t say no or he didn’t want to, honestly speaking.

 

The way Viktor almost jumped in excitement was enough to leave him free of any doubt.

 

So here he was: attending the practice session with Viktor as part of Viktor’s team. To avoid being recognized he had put upon his baggiest jacket with gloves and scarf covering almost half of his face. He thought about sitting with other skaters and their teams from Viktor’s home-rink but then Viktor chose to practice in the other corner and asked Yuuri to come with him. And Viktor has been doing a thing- looking towards Yuuri almost every two-three minutes and when Yuuri smiled at him then Viktor would smile and do a silly move; sometimes he’d practice a jump and then look towards Yuuri. _Yuuri didn’t understand the reason._ Did he want to make sure whether Yuuri was having a good time? The answer was yes, always yes especially when it came to watching Viktor. Did Viktor want to know if Yuuri was impressed? This was a laughable thing because why Viktor Nikiforov would ever want to impress Yuuri but if he was then the answer again is yes. So when after another jump Viktor looked at Yuuri, Yuuri pulled his scarf down from his face and then gave Viktor a huge smile and watched in happiness when the answering grin on Viktor’s face made an adorable heart shape.

 

 

_Fuck._ Yuuri thought as he realized that there was no coming from his attraction to Viktor. _Ever._

 Yuuri could tell that Viktor’s Coach didn’t like that if the almost angry sounding conversation between Viktor and Coach Yakov was any indication but then again Coach Yakov is always stoic and Russian sounds angry almost always so Yuuri didn’t know any better frankly speaking.

 

***

 

Yuuri has been feeling eyes on him ever since reaching the city and especially after the rink so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him when he and Viktor left the restaurant after their dinner and were immediately surrounded by reporters and camera lights almost blinding their eyes. He felt Viktor’s hand settle on his back and guiding him towards the taxi all the while remaining calm. Yuuri didn’t understand much due to the yelling and also due to the fact that most of the yelling was in Russian but he understood some words here and there and their names. Viktor was calm during all this and he stayed till after the taxi started its journey towards their hotel.

 

‘Are you okay?’ Viktor asked as soon as the taxi started and the noise of shouting subsided a bit.

 

‘Yes, I am okay. Are you?’ Yuuri asked Viktor who didn’t reply but just nodded his head.

 

‘I am sorry, Yuuri. I should’ve known better than to bring you here in such a crowded place.’ Viktor looked apologetic and Yuuri realized that Viktor had been doing this a lot too: apologizing unnecessarily even when whatever happened had no fault of his.

 

‘It was not your fault,’ Yuuri told Viktor calmly. ‘You shouldn’t apologize for something that you had no control over.’

 

‘Still, I should’ve known. Yakov even warned me about going like this and that too without any disguise.’

 

‘Does this happen a lot?’ Yuuri asked. It must, he reasoned considering Viktor’s fame and status.

 

‘It does but not on this scale. It started happening after you… everybody wants to know about you, _Yuuri_.’ Viktor emphasized his name in the end in a manner that Yuuri liked- very much but that was for his thoughts alone and for later.

 

‘What do you mean?’ he asked Viktor for further clarification. Viktor looked at him in a manner that suggested as Yuuri was not getting something that was very simple.

 

‘Everybody wants to know about you- who are you and what you like and that sort of stuff and people want to see us together more too, I guess. They want proof that… you know?’ Viktor ended his sentence in an awkward manner. But Yuuri didn’t know what Viktor wanted to say so he asked.

 

‘That we are together and… that sort of stuff. Like couples.’ Viktor said.

 

‘Oh,’ Yuuri wondered aloud.

 

‘You don’t worry though. I will be careful from now and it won’t happen again and know that I meant when I said that you won’t have to be any kind of uncomfortable and unwanted situation.’

 

Yuuri believed Viktor. ‘Thank you.’ Viktor smiled at him and Yuuri spent the rest of their journey watching Viktor watch the city passing by adorned in yellow street lights. Yuuri wanted to remember the shade of Viktor’s hair in that moment because it was similar to how Viktor’s hair looked the first time they met but it still somehow was different- the color was deeper, more settled and heartbreakingly beautiful.

 

Yuuri loved it very much.

 

***

 

Date: Jan, 06; 06:45 A.M.

Yuuri woke up from an unpleasant dream that he couldn’t remember after waking up. The dream had startled him. He opened his eyes and was relieved to know that it was just a dream and nothing more. The only light in the room was the soft light of the morning. He looked at his right where Viktor slept but found his side empty but just slightly away from the bed was Viktor- standing with his back towards Yuuri- naked from the waist above- in the midst of dressing.

 

Yuuri stared at the naked back of Viktor almost too long before realizing he was being a pervert and he quietly looked in the other side. And as much as Yuuri’s heart congratulated him on being a gentleman his dick had other ideas. The whole thing was pretty mush skewed in its side anyway. When last night Viktor and Yuuri got back they had to address a problem that they kind of forgot in the day: the sleeping arrangement because there was only one bed which was huge but it still counted as one. There was one sofa too but neither of them wanted the other to sleep on it so it was a stalemate. Yuuri believed that since Viktor has a competition next day- his rest his more important than Yuuri’s but Viktor just didn’t seem to get it.

 

In the end it was Yuuri who suggested that they could share the bed since it was big enough and Viktor agreed. Yuuri was tired so it didn’t take him too long to fall asleep but that didn’t mean hid dick didn’t get any ideas at all. In a short time Yuuri’s mind supplied him with all kind of scenarios that he and Viktor could engage in and all the pornography that Yuuri had watched in his lifetime suddenly started making its way to his mind. Still, Yuuri controlled himself and not be disrespectful to unsuspecting Viktor sleeping beside him. The fatigue of the day actually became a savior then and he fell asleep.

 

Now after seeing Viktor like that in the morning all those ideas started to come back. Yuuri sighed in frustration.

‘Yuuri, are you awake?’ Viktor asked and Yuuri figured that there was no point in pretending to be asleep so sat up and looked at now fully dressed Viktor.

 

‘Good morning.’

 

‘Good morning, Viktor.’

 

‘Did you sleep well?’ Viktor asked as he moved towards his bag which contained his skates and other accessories. Yuuri picked up his glasses from the side table and saw that Viktor’s hair were still damp and his face was almost pink and Yuuri tried not to pay too much attention to it because otherwise certain part of his anatomy might conjure some other images.

 

‘Yakov wants me to get some practice so you can sleep in and then I’ll join you for breakfast. Is that okay with you?’ Viktor asked him as he stood in front of the bed with his fingers carding through his wet hair which Yuuri was trying not to concentrate too hard on, no pun intended. Then Viktor smiled sweetly and Yuuri thought he must be going crazy because it looked like Viktor was blushing. But that was a very ridiculous idea and anybody could fluster by the way Yuuri had been staring at him. Yuuri averted his eyes and pretended to look for his phone when he replied that Viktor should go on and practice and shouldn’t worry about Yuuri.

 

‘Oh, okay then,’ Viktor said and started to walk outside the door with his skating bag strap at his left shoulder. ‘But we’ll have breakfast together. Is that okay?’

 

Viktor sounded so uncertain and Yuuri felt even shittier than he was feeling before. Once again he was making Viktor feel bad because he couldn’t control his thoughts and feelings. He tried to muster all his enthusiasm possible feeling like that when he replied to Viktor.

 

‘Off course, Viktor.’ The answering smile of Viktor was enough to light up the entire room.

 

Yuuri waited two minutes after just to make sure that Viktor was not coming back and then he ran off towards the bathroom. He battled with himself two more minutes before he decided to take care of his problem by taking his dick in his hand and he closed his eyes. Images of Viktor that came to his mind were now clearer and much less glamorous and more real than those in the past when all he knew about Viktor was through his photos from magazines and professional photo-shoots.  This Viktor was real, who blushed, had freckles and his hair sometimes stuck to his forehead. This Viktor was more beautiful and sexy than Yuuri has ever seen him. And it didn’t take much time before Yuuri was losing himself and all that remained was Viktor.

 

***

 

Date: Jan, 07; 06:30 P.M.

The thing that Yuuri most liked about staying with Viktor was getting to know the “real” Viktor. There were all sorts of details that he was getting to know. Some details were just heartwarming such as the immense love Viktor had for his dog and the way he just absolutely adored her. On Yuuri’s second day in Russia Viktor shared with him that in the initial days Viktor often used to have difficulty in training Makka because he’d get distracted by her absolute adorableness and then they’d have to start again and Yuuri could relate to that.

 

Then there were other details that were kind of making Yuuri’s pants uncomfortably tight just thinking about them such as when Viktor stretched early in the morning in the common area of the apartment or when he did Yoga there. Yuuri has warned his mind not to think too much about it but so far he hasn’t had much success in that.

 

But perhaps the most surprising thing that Yuuri has learned is just how much Viktor enjoyed watching other people skate. Yuuri knew that he shouldn’t have been surprised considering that once Viktor had called skating his life but it is easy to assume that it included just him performing. Now Yuuri knew that it also meant that he liked seeing other people skate just as much.

 

It was evident the way he was cheering for his competitors in the Men’s competition and now for the women. He cheered for them at every jump and after the performance was over then he’d proceed to tell Yuuri what he thought and where they could improve or have improved if it was someone that he had seen perform earlier. Yuuri’d be lying if he said that he didn’t try to look for any hint of pride or jealousy in Viktor but he couldn’t find any. Viktor was a true skating fan and he enjoyed every single performance. And Yuuri enjoyed them with Viktor. He cheered when Viktor cheered and when Viktor started to sing along a song used by a skater then Yuuri also sung along.

 

He even ignored the screen which showed them more than normal. He tried to ignore that one person who kept on clicking their pictures and didn’t even try to hide it. Yuuri has been noticing him everywhere: at the competition during Men’s Short Program, during practice when he was with Viktor and even at the restaurant that Viktor took Yuuri for dinner. Yuuri wondered if Viktor has noticed it. But the photographer was not even trying to hide himself so Viktor must’ve noticed him. Yuuri still hasn’t mentioned it to Viktor and neither has Viktor. Yuuri didn’t want to disturb whatever kind of unspoken agreement they were in there regarding this.

 

So far none of the photos have made it to the internet. Yuuri did his research but he couldn’t find any except the photos of them during the competition but they were unavoidable so there was no point in worrying about them. And Minako was on the duty to find out anything that might make Yuuri uncomfortable. So far nothing has surfaced on the internet except for blurry images taken by fans from their phones.

 

Half of the performances were over when Yuuri saw Coach Yakov talking to that man- the one that kept clicking their pictures and following them everywhere. Yuuri was enjoying the performances so much that he had forgotten about it and it was only after seeing Coach Yakov walking towards that man that Yuuri was again reminded. Coach Yakov walked to him and then they talked for a while. Yuuri was no expert in body language but he could see that they somehow knew each other. This was all a surprise to Yuuri because their exchange seemed cordial enough that told Yuuri that they were at least acquaintances. Yuuri didn’t realize that he was staring at them when the man looked towards Yuuri and their eyes met. The man averted his eyes in a second and then didn’t look towards Yuuri again.

 

Yuuri looked at Viktor who was talking with another skater and after a moment’s hesitation decided to not tell Viktor anything yet. He hadn’t had much interaction with Yakov till and the fact that Yakov was stoic as he usually was not that big of a factor in it. Yuuri has been sensing some degree of coldness from Yakov but Yuuri’s mind reasoned that he might be projecting it too. Off course, he’s decided that he won’t tell Viktor anything about it too. Yakov might be worried about the effect of his arrival on Viktor’s performance which is reasonable and Yuuri also didn’t want to give any more reason for Yakov to worry and not like him even further.

 

‘Yuuri, are you okay?’ Viktor asked suddenly, ‘…you looked kind of lost. Are you feeling okay?’

 

Yuuri smiled then and assured Viktor that he was fine. He decided to enjoy the performances for now. There is always time to worry over things that are not in his control.

 

***

 

Date: Jan 08; 07:45 P.M.

There wasn’t any doubt in anyone’s mind that Viktor will win the gold medal. He was second after the short program but after the Free-skate he won by a big margin. Yuuri watched the entire performance with his heart beating fast and his eyes opened in wonder and awe. It was no surprise that he couldn’t take his eyes off from the ice. Viktor performed a flawless program and Yuuri realized how lucky he was that he got the chance to see it with his own eyes rather than through a screen- a barrier. After the performance was over and Viktor came back he kept on looking towards Yuuri and Yuuri had no idea how to process all those emotions that his heart kept on insisting that Viktor was feeling. The mind was skeptic though and kept on rejecting that the expressions that adorned Viktor’s face were directed towards Yuuri for any of the reason Yuuri’s heart wanted them to be.

 

After getting the score which put Viktor on top of the list- Viktor came to Yuuri and he was smiling so beautifully that Yuuri felt his heart breaking. One cruel though came to his mind: what if it didn’t go any further than this? What if they’d never be more than this?

 

_And Yuuri wanted so much more than this._

Now, standing near the barriers outside the rink and watching Viktor smile with a gold medal around his neck, Yuuri realized that if this was it then it was okay too. For someone like him getting this close to a bright star like Viktor was more than enough. He has already gotten more than what most of the world will get.

 

The crowd roared louder when the medalists made their way towards the horde of reporters waiting for them to give statements. Viktor’s eyes immediately found Yuuri and then he waved towards Yuuri. Yuuri waved back but then realized that Viktor was asking him to come to him. Yuuri hesitated because Viktor was in the midst of a considerably large crowd of fans and reporters and all of them were now looking at Yuuri which was enough to put him on edge. During all of this confusion Yuuri felt a tug on his sleeve and he looked at his left to find Coach Yakov standing there. Yuuri became hyper aware immediately and he was at a loss on how to navigate this situation. He remembered a moment too late and ended up doing a very hurried bow which Coach Yakov acknowledged with a hesitant node.

 

‘You go to Viktor.’ Coach Yakov said in heavily accented English which was made even heavier because he had to practically yell due to the almost deafening noise at the rink. ‘He wants to give something to you.’

 

Yuuri took a moment to understand the words. He looked towards Viktor who was giving autographs to his fans but perhaps he felt Yuuri looking at him or just by coincidence he looked back almost immediately. He then again waved in the same manner. Yuuri looked back at Coach Yakov.

 

‘Go,now.’ Coach Yakov said and Yuuri made his way towards Viktor. Yuuri felt as if all the people present were looking at him only and nowhere else. He started to get anxious under the spotlight but resolved his mind and feet to not fail him there. With a very self-conscious walk he finally reached to Viktor who extended his glove-clad right hand to him. Yuuri placed his left hand in Viktor’s hand and then the whole world vanished and only Viktor remained who smiled so beautiful and who looked so _so_ beautiful. _And just how Yuuri’s heart was supposed to survive this. Just how he was supposed to be careful and not let himself get lost. There were no fireworks in the sky like in the movies when the soulmates touch for the first time. For Yuuri the time just stopped. The world vanished and only Viktor remained looking ethereal under the lights._

The moment didn’t last too long sadly and the world made its presence known through the shrieks of Viktor’s fans standing surrounding them. Before Yuuri could react to it Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri stood motionless as he watched Viktor take off the gold medal off his neck and Yuuri _remained_ motionless when Viktor again took Yuuri’s hand and placed the medal in the palm of Yuuri’s hand. Although it seemed almost impossible to him but Yuuri felt as if the noise around then got even louder and Yuuri was certain that the flash of all the cameras were just a bit away from giving him a seizure.

 

Viktor then leaned forward to say something and Yuuri could smell Viktor’s skin when Viktor came near to him.

 

‘This is for you.’ Viktor whispered in Yuuri’s ear. The next moment Viktor leaned back again and he was looking at Yuuri with the fiery intensity which burned Yuuri’s skin. Yuuri thought that he may be blushing so hard that there was no difference between the colour of his cheeks and the bright red of Viktor’s costume. Yuuri heard Viktor’s name being called by the people surrounding them that he came out of his thoughts. Yuuri couldn’t understand what they were saying.

 

Viktor took Yuuri’s hand in his own and then he started replying to the questions. Yuuri couldn’t keep his concentration on the words though. He let all of the noise became the white noise as he reveled in the feeling of Viktor’s hand in his. He savoured the heat of Viktor’s skin through the fabric of the glove covering Viktor’s hand. His heart was beating too hard and his thoughts were running like wild horses. He had the sudden and almost too hard to control urge to just lean a bit forward and kiss Viktor. He could do it. _He wanted to do it and then the entire world will know about them._ The world- which was examining every moment and every little expression and micro expression will probably think and say all kind of things about it- good and bad and ugly. But with the gold medal secure between their hands, Yuuri for the first time didn’t feel the dread under the scrutiny of the world looking at them with their eyes and through the screens; he didn’t feel exposed under the flashlights.

 

***

 

Date: Jan 09; 08:30 A.M.

‘What did you say?’ Yuuri asked Viktor who was trying to place all the ties they had brought with them next to Yuuri’s shirt. Yuuri had picked out one that was light-blue in colour and that Viktor had very politely called ugly. After that Yuuri gave up and let Viktor choose his outfit for him to wear at the banquet who looked too excited to do it anyway. They were discussing Viktor’s press conference yesterday when the reporters kept asking about Viktor dedicating his gold medal to Yuuri- which Yuuri has just found out about. He had watched all the available videos last night when Viktor was in the bathroom but he couldn’t understand what they were saying though. But he was right about the colour of his cheeks. They were redder than a fat and ripe tomato (as Minako had pointed out so helpfully).

 

‘Hmmm?’ Viktor made a sound then. He had three different ties in his one hand and Yuuri’s shirt in another. Yuuri repeated the question again which made Viktor sit on the bed facing Yuuri.

 

‘Oh, I just told them that you are my soulmate and you inspired me to do my best so I dedicated my medal to you.’ Viktor shrugged then and put the clothes down on the bed beside him and straightened the creases of the shirt with his palm.

 

‘Why did you do that really?’ Yuuri asked with desperation in his voice and not understanding the reason behind it. Viktor’s eyes met with his then and Yuuri wondered if Viktor could see it too.

 

‘I just told you,’ Viktor said.

 

‘That’s not true.’ Yuuri blurted out without thinking and Viktor winced. _Yeah, Yuuri’s plan of not making Viktor feel bad was really going great._

'Which part?' Viktor asked looking perplexed but not upset. 'You are my soulmate, Yuuri.' Viktor said in an effort to make things lighter as he raised his right hand slightly up and turned the inside of his wrist towards Yuuri. Viktor was wearing a full sleeves with cuffs closed together so Yuuri couldn’t see the mark.

 

'I have your name on my wrist as a proof.' Viktor chuckled nervously.

 

Yuuri couldn't stop looking at Viktor's hidden wrist. He still hasn't seen Viktor's mark. No one has. And yes, Yuuri _knew_ that there was some connection between them but he couldn't help but ask.

 

'How did you know? He asked.

 

'What?' Viktor questioned back.

 

'You said you knew I was your soulmate. Why were you so sure? Without even meeting with other people how did you know I was the one?' And was it Yuuri's insecurities that were asking these questions or was it the need to hear again Viktor saying that they were bound with a connection designed by the universe itself. There was a reassurance in it that Yuuri needed greedily.

 

Viktor took a few moments to reply and he looked deep in contemplation. Yuuri wondered if Viktor had never expected this question or if he didn't know how to answer. He also wondered if Viktor was going to even answer it.

 

'Would it be corny if I said that I just knew...? I can't explain it and frankly speaking I don't even understand it myself.' Viktor smiled and Yuuri couldn't stop himself from smiling too.

 

'Yuuri Katsuki of Hasetsu...' Viktor's voice was no louder than a whisper. 'You are right,' He continued. 'Even though I knew, I wasn't sure... Not a hundred percent but with time I got sure and when I first saw you then I knew. I just knew because I felt it in my heart. I felt this sensation... It wasn't pain but it wasn't relief either. It was some mix of the two which soothed and ached simultaneously.'

 

Viktor then looked at Yuuri who sat there dumbfounded and realizing that his own experience could be described in similar words. Although Yuuri wasn't as articulate with words as Viktor.

 

'When I saw you first time was your last Grand Prix as a junior,' Viktor told Yuuri. This was a revelation to Yuuri because until now he just assumed that Viktor first saw him in Beijing when Yuuri went to meet him.

 

'You saw me then.' Yuuri repeated it and though he wanted it to frame as a question, it didn’t come out as one.

 

'Yeah, I found out from your mother that you were competing there with me. You were sixteen then so technically I could see and meet with you but your mother said that it'll be best if I didn't tell you about you being my soulmate. She was worried that it could affect your performance so I didn't but I watched your performance and I was just mesmerized.'

 

Yuuri couldn't believe his ears. His performance at that competition did win him a gold medal but he didn't count it as his best performance. But he still was glad that Viktor saw that one which is considered the best one of his career by everyone else instead.

 

'The way you moved, it was like you were making music with your body. Your artistic expressions were even better than mine and I couldn’t believe my luck... so Yuuri, it was actually _you_ that made me sure that you were my Yuuri, my soulmate.'

 

Okay, this was the moment it became too much for Yuuri. He didn't know what to say to Viktor here. Viktor was just being generous and by accepting it Yuuri didn't want to come across as arrogant. He didn't compare with Viktor Nikiforov. So he just let the moment pass.

 

'I don't know if it answers your question or not.' Viktor said then and picked up Yuuri's shirt again and _finally_ chose a tie.

 

'Do you like it?' He asked Yuuri then and Yuuri, whose fashion sense is passable at best, nodded his head. Viktor smiled then and Yuuri had that thought again- to simply lean forward and kiss Viktor, just a small kiss to just kiss and for no other purpose. And it would be so easy because Viktor was there and his lips were there too. Pretty, pink lips that make a beautiful heart shaped smile that has more than enough times made Yuuri’s heartbeats to race. Viktor, sweet beautiful Viktor who had no idea that Yuuri was thinking like a pervert every time he did something.

 

‘Yuuri?’ Viktor asked then laughing. ‘Are you okay? You are doing that thing again where you get lost in your thoughts.’

 

‘I am sorry.’ Yuuri replied hurriedly and embarrassed. Viktor laughed loudly then.

 

‘It’s okay. Now, let’s decide my outfit for the banquet.’ Viktor said as he opened a big bag excitedly and Yuuri resigned himself to another hour or so to look upon shirts that looked exactly same to Yuuri but Viktor assured him that “they are very different, Yuuri. How could you even say that?”

 

***

 

Date: Jan 09; 09:30 P.M.

When Yuuri had entered the banquet hall at Viktor’s side he was mortified to discover that it was not a good idea at all because he was with Viktor- the gold medalist, he was with _the_ Viktor Nikiforov and he was with Viktor as his soulmate. Yuuri knew if he was a random person in the room and Viktor Nikiforov entered with his soulmate then he’d be staring at them too. Viktor just took Yuuri’s hand in his and then they entered the hall surrounded by blended voices and whispers and some camera phones directed towards them. Viktor led him to the other side of the room towards the bar and though Yuuri was adamant on not getting drunk and embarrass himself but one or two drinks were absolutely needed to take the edge off.  Viktor handed him one flute of champagne and took one for himself too.

 

There were a lot of people who came to congratulate Viktor- almost everyone present there. Viktor politely exchanged a few words with them but stayed by Yuuri’s side almost all the time. Many of the people who came to congratulate Viktor greeted Yuuri too and some even extended their hands to shake which Yuuri accepted. One woman bowed and Yuuri had not seen that coming. It made things awkward for a few moments when she kept on bowing and won’t stop. In the end Viktor intervened and said goodbye to her rather curtly. When she left and was out of ear shot, Yuuri couldn’t control his laughter and snickered and not a second later Viktor joined too. They spent next few minutes miserably failing to hide their laughter and not attract the attention to them.

 

Yuuri shut up immediately when he saw Coach Yakov approaching towards them. He and Viktor had a conversation in Russian that Yuuri couldn’t even begin to understand but he understood the tone and the conversation had a little tension in it- just like always. There hadn’t been one conversation between Viktor and Coach Yakov that didn’t contain a little tension when Yuuri was around at least. Viktor kept telling him that “Yakov is always mad at me, Yuuri so you don’t worry” but Yuuri can’t help but feel that this tension between them had only aggravated after his arrival. Almost on every occasion their exchange had consisted words spoken in hostility and an overwhelming effort in staying composed- probably because Yuuri was there. It was funny because Yuuri also knew that the anger was there in the first place because Yuuri was there.

 

‘Yuuri, Viktor needs to talk with some important people. You will be fine alone, right?’ Coach Yakov said to Yuuri despite Viktor’s efforts to stop him.

 

‘Yes, I’ll be fine.’ Yuuri turned towards Viktor then. ‘You shouldn’t ignore your work because of me.’ He told Viktor who looked conflicted. ‘I’ll be okay.’ Yuuri assured Viktor who didn’t look too assured.

 

‘I’ll be back soon.’ Viktor said before he left with Coach Yakov and Yuuri left alone, picked up another flute of champagne to do something and not look odd standing alone there idle. He could talk to Viktor’s rink-mates such as Georgi who was intimidating but a nice person. Yuuri looked around for him but found him talking with a woman and they looked like they wished to be not disturbed so Yuuri decided to stay at the spot. His eyes met with the woman from earlier who got excited and looked like she’ll come his way so he Yuuri quickly averted his eyes and grabbed one more glass of champagne and decided to go towards a rather secluded corner of the hall.

 

This was his fourth glass of champagne and Yuuri promised himself that this will be last. He didn’t want Viktor to find him in an embarrassing state.

 

***

 

Viktor found him probably after glass number seven or eight but definitely less than ten. Yuuri had now decided to migrate towards the DJ who was a really nice person who let Yuuri listen to music from his personal collection. Yuuri found that though he didn’t understand the words of most of the songs due to them being in almost ten or more languages, he still enjoyed it and couldn’t help but let his body sway with the beat. He was feeling good actually- no longer the dread of being left alone and Viktor had promised that he’d come back soon but he actually was quite late. But Yuuri didn’t mind. He was feeling good and he made a friend too. Adrian was really friendly and he didn’t mind that Yuuri intruded on his work and then refused to go back. He surprisingly found drunk-Yuuri quite amusing and drunk-Yuuri was too drunk to feel mortified at this. Yuuri was telling Adrian how much he liked a song and just how much the song was a hundred percent about Yuuri when _finally_ Viktor found him.

 

‘Having fun?’ Viktor asked Yuuri who was sitting on the floor behind the DJ booth. Yuuri couldn’t control his excitement after seeing Viktor and immediately jumped to his feet and then very _ungracefully_ hugged Viktor. Viktor’s both arms were bound at his side when Yuuri locked both his hands at Viktor’s back. Yuuri was so happy that Viktor was there and he smelt so good. Yuuri very shamelessly inhaled Viktor who looked at him with an adorable blush on his cheeks. _God, Viktor was so pretty._

‘What?’ Viktor asked him as he freed his arms and then hugged Yuuri back. Yuuri liked this arrangement very much.

 

‘What did you just say?’ Yuuri had no idea what Viktor was talking about.

 

‘You just said my name and something in Japanese.’ Viktor told him but Yuuri couldn’t remember when he said that. He was just so glad that Viktor found him.

 

‘ _You found me_ ,’ He told Viktor who looked like he didn’t understand what Yuuri was saying so Yuuri tried to make Viktor understand. ‘I thought you won’t find me. I am so happy you found me.’ Yuuri said and then hugged Viktor.

 

‘I’ll always find you, my Yuuri.’ Viktor said and Yuuri was so happy hearing that he felt like dancing. Just then he remembered Adrian and realized that he forgot to introduce Adrian to Viktor.

 

‘Viktor, this is my friend Adrian. He is the DJ and he’s got the best music.’ Yuuri felt proud that he made friends with such a nice person. Viktor shook hands with Adrian while Yuuri stood at his side with Viktor’s one hand around his waist. There was no need of it because Yuuri was fine. Yuuri was a capable drunk and he could hold himself well. That was also the reason that more than often he had ended up doing things which sober-Yuuri finds very embarrassing. But right now he wasn’t doing any such thing and sober-Yuuri would be embarrassed.

 

‘Viktor, let’s dance.’ Suddenly he had an amazing idea and he should’ve thought that earlier. He could impress Viktor with his dance and also Viktor had mentioned that he wanted to see Yuuri dance. But right now Viktor didn’t seem too excited about it. He looked sheepish and nervously looked around the room before speaking.

 

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, Yuuri.’

 

‘Why?’ Yuuri was being stubborn and perhaps this was something that sober-Yuuri would find mortifying but that was his problem.

 

‘Because no one dances at these banquets. You must know that.’ Viktor told him very patiently and Yuuri tried very hard to understand what could be the reason behind it. He remembered Coach Yakov then and how he seemed to not like Yuuri.

 

‘Is it because Coach Yakov is here?’ Yuuri asked Viktor who looked surprised at the question but then he smiled softly.

 

‘Not just Yakov. There are a lot of sponsors and ISU officials. They won’t like it too.’ Viktor explained and Yuuri understood that but he also wanted to dance- and dance with Viktor most importantly.

 

‘But I really want to dance with you.’ Yuuri said and then slid down to sit on the floor which Viktor hadn’t anticipated as he struggled to keep Yuuri standing and they ended up both on the floor in a mess. Viktor started to laugh but Yuuri didn’t feel like it because he really wanted to dance with Viktor.

 

‘I am going to be sad for a while, okay?’ He told Viktor and then decided to sleep on the floor because that’s what he usually did whenever he got sad. Sober-Yuuri would be proud.

 

‘You really wanted to dance with me?’ Viktor asked and Yuuri looked at his face and Viktor seemed a bit sad. Yuuri didn’t really want to make Viktor sad.

 

‘Please don’t be sad.’ Yuuri told Viktor.

 

‘I am not sad but if you are going to be sad then I’ll be sad too.’ Viktor said. Yuuri heard that and took a full minute to process it and then he decided to tell Viktor that he wasn’t sad but just as he was about to speak Viktor stood up and then extended his right hand to Yuuri.

 

‘Come on, I have an idea.’ Viktor was smiling brightly and Yuuri accepted his hand and stood up.

 

‘Where are we going?’ He asked Viktor.

 

‘We are going to dance, Yuuri. But not here.’ Viktor said just as he started to walk but Yuuri stopped him. They said goodbye to Adrian then who somehow still seemed amused with Yuuri. Viktor didn’t give him a chance to ask the reason for it because he started walking again.

 

***

 

‘You are a really good dancer, Yuuri.’ Viktor said as Yuuri spun him around and then Viktor laughed loud which made Yuuri even happier.

 

When Viktor suggested to come back to their room to dance Yuuri wasn’t sure that it’d be this much fun because dancing isn’t really that much fun in a small space. But now Yuuri realized that just being with Viktor was more fun than any other time Yuuri had gone dancing.

 

‘You are a good dancer too.’ Yuuri told Viktor who laughed beautifully.

 

‘Thank you so much. It’s high praise coming from you.’ Viktor teased back. ‘I must say that I am very surprised. You dance really well despite being this drunk and you seem not at all tired.’

 

‘I have a very good stamina.’ Yuuri told Viktor who looked a bit speechless at this.

 

‘Good to know.’ Viktor finally said just when Yuuri dipped Viktor and realized just how close their faces are and how close Viktor’s lips were and Yuuri could just kiss him and end this agony because sober-Yuuri would probably take a hundred years to tell Viktor that he liked him, a lot.

 

‘What do you want to do now?’ Viktor asked when the song ended and they stood still, very near to each other. Yuuri, whose mind was now slowing down, had only one thing on his mind.

 

‘I want to kiss you.’ There, he told Viktor. Viktor didn’t say anything and looked taken back and Yuuri feared that he might’ve said something wrong. Just like always he ended up doing something wrong while being drunk. ‘I am sorry.’ He said when it looked like Viktor wasn’t going to say anything and might’ve taken offence.

 

‘I want to kiss you too.’ Finally, Viktor told and when Yuuri looked at him he was smiling softly and his eyes were filled with something that made Yuuri’s whole being relaxed and at peace. There was no doubt then and despite Yuuri’s past worries, he wasn’t worried now. He wasn’t anxious. He knew what he had to do and there was no reason to not do it. Yuuri took a step forward and started leaning forward but Viktor stopped him.

 

‘When you are sober, then we’ll kiss.’ Viktor said.

 

‘No.’ Yuuri almost yelled.

 

‘No?’ Viktor seemed puzzled. ‘I don’t understand.’

 

‘Sober-Yuuri won’t kiss you.’ Yuuri tried to make Viktor understand.

 

‘He won’t?’ Viktor sat on the bed and pulled Yuuri towards him to make him sit beside himself. ‘Why won’t he kiss me?’

 

‘Because he thinks you don’t like him.’ Yuuri told Viktor who seemed amused and Yuuri had no idea why.

 

‘Hmmm, well, now he’ll know.’ Viktor said and combed Yuuri’s hair back with his fingers and Yuuri wondered if Viktor felt gross because Yuuri’s hairs were sweaty.

 

‘But we can kiss now and then he’ll be a hundred percent sure.’ Yuuri gave reason and hoped that Viktor will kiss him now because he really, really wanted to kiss.

 

‘Why don’t we go to sleep and if you still want to kiss me in the morning then we’ll kiss. Deal?’ Viktor said and really, Viktor was so nice and _stupid_ and so beautiful and so right too.

 

‘Okay, but I am telling you,’ Yuuri warned Viktor. ‘Sober-Yuuri is not that brave. So don’t regret it later, okay?’ Yuuri gave one final temptation but Viktor seemed resolute and Yuuri sighed and fell backwards on the bed.

 

‘Perhaps, I’ll be brave for both of us then.’ Viktor said and looked down to meet Yuuri’s eyes which were getting heavier. Yuuri didn’t know if he was able to smile or not because he suddenly felt too tired and his eyes felt too heavy to stay open.

 

Yuuri didn’t remember much after that except a vague feeling of Viktor calling his name and asking him to move upwards on the bed. Yuuri couldn’t tell if he moved on his own or if Viktor helped him move. He remembered drinking water though but after that nothing. He slept peacefully. There was a high chance that tomorrow morning sober-Yuuri might resent himself due to every little thing he said and did with Viktor but it was a problem of the future and Yuuri was drunk enough to not let it ruin his night.

 

Yuuri wasn’t sure if he remembered correctly or not but he felt like Viktor kissed him on the forehead. Yuuri smiled nonetheless because he was very happy because Viktor was with him and he said that he likes Yuuri and also wants to kiss him. Yuuri thought to himself that everything will be okay now. And this made him even happier and he smiled. Although, he couldn’t open his eyes but he smiled and hoped that Viktor knew that he was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments and constrictive criticism are always appreciated. Don't hesitate if you have any queries about the au or the chapter. Thank you for reading.


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